write the worst opening line to a novel you can think of.

[Sympathy]

the premise of this thread is to write an opening line so bad, it would make the reader dread reading the rest of the book. i'll start things off:

Quackers, the cutest duckling in the whole pond, had real bad AIDs.

try to keep it under 200 characters, and no more than 2 or 3 sentences. brevity is the soul of wit and all that.

[Qoco]

A charming day it was, yes. Yet there I stood, trying to pick out the fly that went in my nose.

[Digimon_Sommelier]

I don't know why you're even reading this!!

[ZombieWolf2508]

"This is the tale of Sanic Bieber, and his quest to join Nickelback, as narrated by Animeduse5555."

[Sympathy]

"This is the tale of Sanic Bieber, and his quest to join Nickelback, as narrated by Animeduse5555."

hahaha we have a winner.

another one of mine:

The pirate captain loved booty, but hadn't had any in a long time.

and one taken from the Lyttle Lytton contest:

Leon fell out of the goat.
- Rob Tobias

[Galleya]

And suddenly they unzipped their trousers

[Realm]

Life is hard, but some things might not be!

[Nodoka LaMei]

Why do I even bother doing this anymore...? Oh yeah, because you guys keep asking for it...

[DeathBlade/13.666]

This is the story about the one person that did that one thing, again.

[Ranshiin]

"The end."

[Eris]

"Hush, it's alright, Eva will never know", Churchill whispered while caressing the Reich Chancellor's arm-band.

[DeathBlade/13.666]

"Wheeeeee!"

[Sympathy]

If you're perusing this book in a bookstore, please consider purchasing it, the money is going towards my mother's chemo treatment. If you've already purchased this book, PSYCHE I'm installing an indoor pool and filling it with caviar and rare breeds of Koalas.

[Nanobyte]

My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favorite shirt - sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. My carry-on item was a parka.
In the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds. It rains on this inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America. It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old. It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That was the year I finally put my foot down; these past three summers, my dad, Charlie, vacationed with me in California for two weeks instead.

[Sympathy]

If there was ever a person who knew how to play a good practical joke, it was Adolf Hitler, known as the Comic Fuhrer for his hilarious Holocaust prank.

[Zainox]

My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favorite shirt - sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. My carry-on item was a parka.
In the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds. It rains on this inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America. It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old. It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That was the year I finally put my foot down; these past three summers, my dad, Charlie, vacationed with me in California for two weeks instead.

I see what you did thar.


~Onse apon a tyme ther wos a prettee prinsess, shee wos soooooooo prettee that evereewun deaded.

[International 4-8818]

Of all the STD clinics in town, Maxi Pad Jill just had to walk into mine.

[Light Buster]

Chica!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Blackwaltz]

And so begins this stream of consciousness piece written by me gary busey

[ZombieWolf2508]

My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favorite shirt - sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. My carry-on item was a parka.
In the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds. It rains on this inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America. It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old. It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That was the year I finally put my foot down; these past three summers, my dad, Charlie, vacationed with me in California for two weeks instead.

I had to read that monstrosity in middle school Adcanced Lit. Horrible book. The author didn't even do proper research. I live in the rainest place in the US. Mobile, Alabama is what most call it. I, however, have dubbed it with a more fitting name- Redneck Hell. The people here have a collective IQ of about three. The rain is quite nice - though it brings with it a humidity of about 90%. Not far from here flows a river by the name of Styx. Yes, Mobile is truly Redneck Hell.

[Sympathy]

the 2010 winner of the Lyttle Lytton contest:

"I shouldn’t be saying this, but I think I’ll love you always, baby, always,” Adam cried into the email.

- Shexmus Amed

[Sympathy]

Of all the STD clinics in town, Maxi Pad Jill just had to walk into mine.

oh my god how did i miss this *thunderous applause*