Linked Horizon - Hana ga Chiru Sekai

[Haze~]

I've kind of given up on translating Revo's work, but this one seemed... not as bad. But, well, these lyrics technically WERE written by him, so if anyone has any feedback/comments on this, I'd really appreciate it!

Romaji:

Sora ga iroasete yoru ga oshiyoseru
Fui ni tomedonaku ame ga furu

Aa... soba ni ikitakute yami wo hasshite mo
Ima wa watarenai kawa ga aru

Kanashikute me wo tojiru hohoenda kao ga ukabu yo
Itoshisa ga mune wo shimeru yoru wo kazoete mo
Hohoenda kimi wa inai......

Aa... hana wa chiru kara utsukushii to hontou ni sou omoemasuka?
Hana ga chiranai sekai ga attara sono hou ga yoi to omoimasenka?

Zaregoto da to... waratte kurete mo... kamaimasen...
Sukoshi... tsukareteiru no desu...

Sabishikute me wo tojiru hanikanda kao ga ukabu yo
Munashisa ga mune wo ugatsu yami wo mitsumete mo
Hanikanda kimi wa inai...

Mou... kimi wa inai......

Sora ga iroasete yoru ga oshiyoseru
Kyou mo tomedonaku ame ga furu......

English:

The color of the sky fades, and the night closes in...
Out of nowhere, rain begins to pour down endlessly.

Ahh... even if I run through the darkness, wanting to go to you,
Now, there's a river I cannot cross.

I close my eyes in sadness; your smiling face comes to mind.
Love wrenches my heart. Even if I count up the number of nights,
You, who were once smiling, is no longer here......

Ahh... do you really believe what makes a flower beautiful is the fact that it wilts?
Don't you think a world where flowers don't wilt would have been better?

I don't care if you laugh... telling me... I'm talking nonsense...
I'm feeling a bit... tired...

I close my eyes in loneliness; your bashful face comes to mind.
Emptiness pierces my heart. Even if I gaze into the darkness,
Your shy self is no longer here...

You're... no longer here......

The color of the sky fades, and the night closes in...
Today, too, the rain pours down endlessly......

Kanji:

空が色褪せて　夜が押し寄せる
不意に止めどなく　雨が降る

嗚呼… 傍に行きたくて　闇を走っても
今は渡れない　河がある

悲しくて瞳を閉じる　微笑んだ顔が浮かぶよ
愛しさが胸を締める　夜を数えても
微笑んだ　君はいない……

嗚呼… 花は散るから美しいと　本当にそう思えますか?
花が散らない世界があったら　その方が良いと思いませんか?

戯れ言だと…笑ってくれても…構いません…
少し…疲れているのです…

寂しくて瞳を閉じる　はにかんだ顔が浮かぶよ
虚しさが胸を穿つ　闇を見つめても
はにかんだ　君はいない…

もう… 君はいない……

空が色褪せて　夜が押し寄せる
今日も止めどなく　雨が降る……

[EJTranslations]

Aw, I thought you were quite good at translating Revo's songs--but I guess I can't blame anyone for deciding it's too much effort, because they really are a pain.

Anyway, mostly this looks great! Just a couple little nitpicky things:

>You, who were once smiling, is no longer here......

"are no longer here"

>I close my eyes in loneliness; your bashful face comes to mind.

>Your shy self is no longer here...

I'd say use either "shy" or "bashful" for both, since I think the use of the same word in the original is a very deliberate decision to tie these two lines together.

[Haze~]

>You, who were once smiling, is no longer here......
"are no longer here".

Whoops! I didn't notice that. Thanks!

>I'd say use either "shy" or "bashful" for both, since I think the use of the same word in the original is a very deliberate decision to tie these two lines together.

Yeah, you're right about that. I thought the connection would still be clear enough that way because the words are pretty similar, but using the exact same word would definitely do a better job.

Thanks for the help!