Help with Finest Crusade English Translation

[Yoxall]

Could anyone help proofread my attempted English translation for this song to see if it is correct? I tried to make the translations more consistent, so some sentences may have been around. Thank you in advance.

Romaji:

Futatsu no mirai yo aragae

Kore wa tamesare ta seisenka
tsukiakari no koe habatai te
tomurai no sora saihate no to o tataku

Hakugin no kami ni matowarete
kanashiki sadame ni odorasare
kimi no emi ni kokoro wa nai

Break out - majiriau tachi
Sacred - fumikon de
Fermata - kakusei seyo
kono te de

Owari naki sadame o dakishime
furisosogu namidaame sukuidasu kara
Toki o koe kasoku suru Crusade no kane o narase
kōsaku suru yami no naka mitsukedashi ta chikai

Nanatsu no chikara yo sasoe

Kimi no suzushige na hyōjō no
uragawa ni hisomu jōnetsu ga
seijaku no yoru ichi tachi no hi o hanatsu

Sore wa erabare ta shukumei ka
futatsu no ha wa modore zu ni
dare ga nozomu shūen na no ka ?

Darkness - zetsubō no naka
Jesus - narihibiku
Justice - mamore nakatta kizuato

Yuzure nai seigi de tatakae
kimi wa hitori ja nai to oshie te ageru
sadame ni hamukau yō ni dilemma kara te o nobase ba
kitto michi wa hiraku darou kawaridashi ta sekai

Muzan na higeki o kirisake

Wonder - senkai o tachi
Sanctuary - tsukuridase
Destiny - kakumei seyo
kono te de

Owari naki sadame o dakishime
furisosogu namidaame sukuidasu kara
Toki o koe kasoku suru Crusade no kane o narase
kōsaku suru yami no naka mitsukedashi ta chikai

Futatsu no mirai yo aragae

Kanji-Hiragana:

二つ の 未来 よ 抗え

これ は 試さ れ た 聖戦 か
月明かりの声 羽ばたいて
弔いの 空最果て の 戸 を 叩く

白銀 の 髪 に 纏わ れ て
哀しき運命 に 躍ら さ れ
君 の 笑み に 心 は ない

Break out - 交じり合う太刀
Sacred - 踏み込ん で
Fermata - 覚醒 せよ
この 手 で

終わり なき 運命 を 抱きしめ
降り注ぐ涙雨掬い だす から
時空 を 超え加速 する Crusade の 鐘 を 鳴らせ
交錯する闇の中 見つけ出した誓い

七 つ の 力 よ 誘え

君 の 涼しげ な 表情 の
裏側 に 潜む情熱 が
静寂の夜 一太刀の火を放つ

それ は 選ば れ た 宿命 か
二つ の 刃 は 戻れ ず に
誰 が 望む終焉 な の か ?

Darkness - 絶望 の 中
Jesus - 鳴り響く
Justice - 守れ なかっ た 傷跡

譲れ ない 正義 で 戦え
君 は ひとり じゃ ない と 教え て あげる
運命 に 歯向かう よう に dilemma から 手 を 伸ばせ ば
きっと道は拓くだろう 変わりだした世界

無残 な 悲劇 を 切り裂け

Wonder - 旋回 を 断ち
Sanctuary - 創り出せ
Destiny - 革命 せよ
この 手 で

終わり なき 運命 を 抱きしめ
降り注ぐ涙雨掬い だす から
時空 を 超え加速 する Crusade の 鐘 を 鳴らせ
交錯する闇の中 見つけ出した誓い

二つ の 未来 よ 抗え

My Translation:

The two futures shall clash into one

Tired of this crusade,
Your voice fluttered under the moonlight
As if knocking on death’s door to the endless sky

With your worn out silvery white hair,
you dance along this sorrowful fate
while smiling emptily

Break out - With both my swords
Sacred - Taking one step forward
Fermata - I shall awaken
With these hands of mine

Embracing your everlasting fate,
Tears began to gather like a light rain about to fall
The bell of the Crusade resonates throughout time and space
Crossing in the shrouding darkness, the lost oath has finally been found

Give into the seventh power

With your cool expression
and the passion lurking inside,
you set the night sky aflame with your silent blade

Chosen by fate,
There was no return with those swords in your hands
Who would ever wish for such a demise?

Darkness - In this despair
Jesus - Resounding inside of me
Justice - I could not even protect
this scar of mine.

Fighting with an unreasonable justice
You tell me that I wasn’t alone
If I stretched my hand out of the dilemma, I was able to oppose such a fate
As the road opened up, the world began to change

Cut open the cruel tragedy

Wonder - Don’t turn back
Sanctuary - Create it
Destiny - Make a revolution
With your own hands.

Embracing your everlasting fate,
Tears began to gather like a light rain about to fall
The bell of the Crusade resonates throughout time and space
Crossing in the shrouding darkness, the lost oath has finally been found

The two futures shall clash into one

[Raichu]

A few funnies with your rōmaji:

Futatsu no mirai yo aragae

Kore wa tamesareta seisen ka
tsukiakari no koe habataite
tomurai no sora saihate no to o tataku

Hakugin no kami ni matowarete
kanashiki sadame ni odorasare
kimi no emi ni kokoro wa nai

Break out - majiriau tachi
Sacred - fumikonde
Fermata - kakusei seyo
kono te de

Owari naki sadame o dakishime
furisosogu namidaame sukuidasu kara
Toki o koe kasoku suru Crusade no kane o narase
kōsaku suru yami no naka mitsukedashita chikai

Nanatsu no chikara yo sasoe

Kimi no suzushige na hyōjō no
uragawa ni hisomu jōnetsu ga
seijaku no yoru ichi tachi no hi o hanatsu (do you mean hitotachi?)

Sore wa erabareta shukumei ka
futatsu no ha wa modorezu ni
dare ga nozomu shūen na no ka ?

Darkness - zetsubō no naka
Jesus - narihibiku
Justice - mamorenakatta kizuato

Yuzurenai seigi de tatakae
kimi wa hitori ja nai to oshiete ageru
sadame ni hamukau yō ni dilemma kara te o nobaseba
kitto michi wa hiraku darō kawaridashita sekai

Muzan na higeki o kirisake

Wonder - senkai o tachi
Sanctuary - tsukuridase
Destiny - kakumei seyo
kono te de

Owari naki sadame o dakishime
furisosogu namidaame sukuidasu kara
Toki o koe kasoku suru Crusade no kane o narase
kōsaku suru yami no naka mitsukedashita chikai

Futatsu no mirai yo aragae

Comments about your translation:

The two futures shall clash into one
It's really a command, Two futures, oppose [ye] each other! (except we don't say "ye" these days).

Tired of this crusade,
Where do you get "tired" from? 試された means "tried", not "tired".
Your voice fluttered under the moonlight
As if knocking on death’s door to the endless sky

With your worn out silvery white hair,
Where do you get "worn out" from? まとう means "wear" as in "wear clothes", not as in "wear out".
you dance along this sorrowful fate
while smiling emptily

Break out - With both my swords "crossed swords", maybe?
Sacred - Taking one step forward "stepping in" rather than "forward"
Fermata - I shall awaken It's a command, "Awake!"
With these hands of mine

Embracing your everlasting fate,
Tears began to gather like a light rain about to fall
I'm not very familiar with the words but EDICT says

• 降り注ぐ=downpour
• 涙雨=light rain, rain falling at a time of sadness
• 掬い出す=bail (water out of a boat)

The bell of the Crusade resonates throughout time and space
鳴らせ is a command, "Ring the bell!"
You've left out 加速する=accelerate, presumably the crusade but possibly the bell.
超える suggests not just throughout but reaching all the way past the end of it, but not sure how you'd phrase it though.
Crossing in the shrouding darkness, the lost oath has finally been found
A few interpolations there ...

Give into the seventh power
It's addressing seven powers (not a seventh power) and telling them to allure (someone, others?)

With your cool expression
and the passion lurking inside,
you set the night sky aflame with your silent blade
It's the night that's still (i.e. quiet), not the blade. (You've translated something like "静寂の一太刀 夜の火を放つ"!!)
I think it means something like "The passion that lurks behind your cool expression lights the fire of the stroke of your sword in the stillness of the night"

Chosen by fate,
It's a question, and the destiny is chosen: "Is that your chosen destiny?"
There was no return with those swords in your hands
Literally "blades". Swords and hands are implied but not stated.
Who would ever wish for such a demise?

Darkness - In this despair
Jesus - Resounding inside of me
It doesn't say "inside me". 響く suggests the opposite.
Justice - I could not even protect this scar of mine.
It doesn't say whose scar it is.

Fighting with an unreasonable justice
"unyielding", not "unreasonable".
You tell me that I wasn’t alone
"oshiete ageru" means you tell someone else. you tell me is "oshiete kureru"
If I stretched my hand out of the dilemma, I was able to oppose such a fate
Reaching his hand is the condition for the following line. "...ように" is part of the condition and means "so as to ...":
"If I stretch my hand out of the dilemma so as to oppose fate, [then (the next line)]"
As the road opened up, the world began to change
"[if (the previous line)] then surely the road will open up."

Cut open the cruel tragedy
Not sure it means "cut open". "Cut up", maybe?

Wonder - Don’t turn back "Stop turning"
Sanctuary - Create it
Destiny - Make a revolution I think we normally say "Have/start a revolution"
With your own hands. "この手" is usually "my hands".

See comments above for repeated lines.

Hope this helps. Hope the colours come out. Red = correction, orange = warning, green = comments, blue = suggested improvements but there aren't any.

[Yoxall]

Thank you very much Raichu. If you want a video for reference, here it is:

I feel like there's something missing after the "sasoe" in this line from the way the vocalist says it: Nanatsu no chikara yo __ sasoe

I tried fixing the lines with your comments and got this:

Two futures, oppose each other!

Trying to get into this crusade,
Your voice fluttered under the moonlight,
As if knocking on death’s door to the endless sky.

Donning your silvery white hair,
you dance along this sorrowful fate
while smiling emptily.

Break out - Crossed swords (Would "Crossing swords" work?)
Sacred - Stepping in
Fermata - Awake!
With my own hands.

Embracing your everlasting fate,
I began to gather the sprinkling rain that poured down. (Not sure if "Light rain began to gather as it pours down onto me" would make more sense.)
Ring the bell of the Crusade that accelerates throughout time and space.
In the mess of darkness, an oath has finally been found.

The allurement of the seven powers

The passion that lurks
behind your cool expression
lights the fire of the stroke of your sword in the stillness of the night.

Is that your chosen destiny?
There was no return for those two blades.
Who would ever wish for such a demise?

Darkness - In this despair
Jesus - Resounding out of me
Justice - I could not even protect
this scar.

Fighting with an unyielding justice,
I told you that you are not alone.
If I stretch my hand out of the dilemma so as to oppose fate,
then surely the road will open up.

Cut up the cruel tragedy

Wonder - Stop turning
Sanctuary - Create it
Destiny - Start a revolution
With my own hands.

Embracing your everlasting fate,
I began to gather the sprinkling rain that poured down.
Ring the bell of the Crusade that accelerates throughout time and space.
In the mess of darkness, an oath has finally been found.

Two futures, oppose each other!

Hopefully it is a little better. The red bolded lines were the ones I wasn't sure of.

Edit: Tried to do some variations of that one part:

1st one:
Embracing my everlasting fate,
I begin to scoop out the drizzling rain as it pours onto me.
Ring the bell of the Crusade that accelerates throughout time and space.
In the cluttering darkness, an oath has finally been found.

2nd one:
As I closely embrace my everlasting fate,
I begin to scoop out the drizzling rain that pours onto me.
Ring the bell of the Crusade that accelerates throughout time and space.
In the cluttering darkness, an oath has finally been found.

[Raichu]

You are making some basic grammatical mistakes, like misinterpreting verb inflections. Of course it takes practice to recognize them fluently, but it will help you to study and memorize Japanese verb inflections from a reliable reference, like a textbook, or www.guidetojapanese.org might be useful.

Also, have you seen any online dictionaries? They're a great help with unfamiliar words: dic.yahoo.co.jp and jisho.org are worth looking at. It takes a while to become fluent, but using a 国語 dictionary like dic.yahoo.co.jp or weblio.jp gives you more accurate definitions than a Japanese-English dictionary.

It's always a good idea to ask for others to review your work like you've done (TBH if I was running a site like this I would make it mandatory), but it saves you time (and your reviewers') correcting mistakes that you can avoid with a bit of study.

Anyway, here are my latest comments:


二つ の 未来 よ 抗え

これ は 試さ れ た 聖戦 か

"Is this a crusade/holy war that has been tried/tested?"
I have no idea what this could be referring to, but that's what I think it means. Maybe it saying that a holy war like this has been tried before?

月明かりの声 羽ばたいて
弔いの 空最果て の 戸 を 叩く

白銀 の 髪 に 纏わ れ て

You don't actually "don" hair, it sort of comes with you, so maybe "wearing silver hair" is poetic enough. And I think it says "silver" as a euphemism for "white", so probably you should drop "white".

哀しき運命 に 躍ら さ れ

躍らされ is passive causative, so "made to dance" rather than actively "dancing".

君 の 笑み に 心 は ない

Break out - 交じり合う太刀

"crossing swords" seems OK to me.

Sacred - 踏み込ん で
Fermata - 覚醒 せよ
この 手 で

終わり なき 運命 を 抱きしめ
降り注ぐ涙雨掬い だす から

"I bail out the tearful rain that pours down"
涙雨=has two meanings, light rain or rain falling at a time of sadness. Since rain is furisosogging, one would assume it's the second meaning.
だす refers to scooping it out, not starting (it has two meanings, cf. 取り出す="take out", 吹き出す="spurt out", 吐き出す="spit out").

時空 を 超え加速 する Crusade の 鐘 を 鳴らせ
交錯する闇の中 見つけ出した誓い

七 つ の 力 よ 誘え

"O seven powers, tempt them!"
誘え=izanae. 誘 is used for both さそう and いざなう which seem to mean the same thing which is fortunate since I've never heard of izanau before.

君 の 涼しげ な 表情 の
裏側 に 潜む情熱 が
静寂の夜 一太刀の火を放つ

一太刀=hitotachi "stroke of a sword" as you would expect.

それ は 選ば れ た 宿命 か
二つ の 刃 は 戻れ ず に

刃=yaiba "blade", not ha.
Not sure how you would phrase it, but try to connect this clause to the next one. -ずに indicates that what happens in the next bit does so without the first bit happening.

誰 が 望む終焉 な の か ?

Darkness - 絶望 の 中
Jesus - 鳴り響く

Not sure why you say "out of me". It just means "resounds", "echoes".

Justice - 守れ なかっ た 傷跡

It just means "the scar I could not protect". Maybe you know more about the context, but saying "even" suggests a level of weakness that is not suggested by the original text.

譲れ ない 正義 で 戦え

This is a command. "Fight with ...!"

君 は ひとり じゃ ない と 教え て あげる

Present (or possibly future tense). "I tell you ..."

運命 に 歯向かう よう に dilemma から 手 を 伸ばせ ば
きっと道は拓くだろう 変わりだした世界

You forgot 変わりだした世界, "the world has begun to change". (In this case だす indicates starting to do something.)

無残 な 悲劇 を 切り裂け

Wonder - 旋回 を 断ち
Sanctuary - 創り出せ
Destiny - 革命 せよ
この 手 で

終わり なき 運命 を 抱きしめ
降り注ぐ涙雨掬い だす から
時空 を 超え加速 する Crusade の 鐘 を 鳴らせ
交錯する闇の中 見つけ出した誓い

二つ の 未来 よ 抗え

[Yoxall]

Thank you for the help again Raichu. And I'll keep those dictionaries as well as learn a few Japanese the next time I attempt translating a song. Using Weblio, ATLAS, and Honyaku (gives the same results as Weblio), here are the changes I made:

Two futures, oppose each other!

Is this a holy war that has been tried?
The voice of the moonlight flaps,
As I knock on death’s door to the endless sky.

Not sure if this was perfect before, but going by Weblio, it translates to "A voice of the moonlight flaps and / I knock on the empty farthest door of the mourning". So I fixed the second line a bit.

Wrapped in silver hair,
I was made to dance along this sorrowful fate
as you smile heartlessly.

For this part, I know you suggested "wearing white hair", but as I read the other lines, the imagery I have is that of a puppeteer leading one to their sad fate as they smile heartlessly at them. So I think "wrapped" would make more sense. Weblio translated this as "I am made to jump by sad fate / Your smile does not have the heart".

Break out - crossing swords
Sacred - step
Fermata - awake!
With my own hands.

Tried saying the lyrics myself, Sacred step makes more sense compared to what I had before.

Embracing my everlasting fate closely,
I scoop out the tearful rain that pours down.
Sound the bell of the Crusade accelerating across space and time.
In the mix of darkness, I finally found the oath.

Fixed the last two lines. I think it sounds better now. Also, can I replace bail with scoop?

O’ seven powers, tempt them!

The passion that lurks
behind your cool expression
lights the fire of the stroke of your sword in the stillness of the night.

Was this the fate that was chosen?
Without the two blades being able to return,
who would expect such an end?

For this part, I followed your advice and tried to link the last two lines together. From Weblio, I got "Without two blades being able to return / Who is the end to expect?", so I think it was close to that.

Darkness ― in despair.
Jesus ― resounds.
Justice ― the scar I could not protect.

Fight with an unyielding justice!
I tell you that you are not alone.
If I stretch my hand out of the dilemma so as to oppose fate,
then surely the road will open up when the world has begun to change.

Fixed all the parts you pointed out. Not sure if this makes sense, but could I write that part like this "...you are not alone, / so if I stretch...". The second line doesn't seem to flow very well as a single sentence, so I was thinking of combining it with the last two lines.

Tear up the cruel tragedy!

Do you think "tear" would be a better word to use in this case? Weblio gave me "Cut horrible tragedy".

Wonder - stop turning
Sanctuary - create it
Destiny - start a revolution
With my own hands.

Embracing my everlasting fate closely,
I scoop out the tearful rain that pours down.
Sound the bell of the Crusade accelerating across space and time.
In the mix of darkness, I finally found the oath.

Two futures, oppose each other!

[Raichu]

Be very careful with machine translations. They can be helpful in drawing your attention to what you might have missed. For example, I missed that modorezu ni means "without being able to return", not "without returning".

Ultimately though it's pretty much impossible for a machine to translate between Japanese and European languages because all it has to go on is the words you input. To translate either way correctly, you need a lot more contextual information because to express something in two different languages, you need to answer different questions.

For example, if I said "please sit down", the right way to translate it into Japanese depends on who is talking to whom. If a waitress asks a customer to sit down in the way a teacher tells a student to sit down, the customer will likely never come back. Similarly, Japanese often omits words that are essential in forming an English sentence. "Neko" can mean just "cat", or be a sentence, "it's a cat", "they are cats", even "I'm a cat"!

I've used them once or twice when I got stuck because their database holds more than my brain, but ultimately all they can do is give me a hint that I would then have to look up and confirm using conventional resources.

The voice of the moonlight flaps

Literally that's what it says, but whether it's literally the moonlight or someone lit by the moonlight speaking is a matter of interpretation. "Flap" is too broad. "Flaps its wings" is specifically what it means. Sometimes it is used to mean "to take flight".

As I knock on death’s door to the endless sky.

I would translate it as "I knock on the door of burial/death at the farthest end of the sky". Where do you get "endless" from?

as you smile heartlessly.

心はない seems to mean "heartless", "mindless", "insincere", "thoughtless", ... Your previous translation of "emptily" is also possible. You need to work it out based on context.

I scoop out the tearful rain that pours down.

"Scoop" sounds OK me too.

In the mix of darkness, I finally found the oath.

It doesn't say "finally". Also, 見つけ出す is more like "find out, discover" than just "find".

Fight with an unyielding justice!
I tell you that you are not alone.
If I stretch my hand out of the dilemma so as to oppose fate,
then surely the road will open up when the world has begun to change.

There is no explicit causal link between lines two and three. Also the lyrics offer no explicit temporal link between the road opening and the world changing. These interpolations may be correct or incorrect, but they're not in the lyrics.

Tear up the cruel tragedy!

yeah sounds ok.

[Yoxall]

Hopefully this will be the last edit.

The voice of the moonlight flaps

Literally that's what it says, but whether it's literally the moonlight or someone lit by the moonlight speaking is a matter of interpretation. "Flap" is too broad. "Flaps its wings" is specifically what it means. Sometimes it is used to mean "to take flight".

The Kanji-Hiragana doesn't really specify if it was a person's voice, so could I phrase it like this: "A voice takes flight/flaps its wings under the moonlight" or "Under the moonlight, a voice takes flight / as I knock..."?

In the mix of darkness, I finally found the oath.

It doesn't say "finally". Also, 見つけ出す is more like "find out, discover" than just "find".

Fixed. "In the mix of darkness, I discover the oath."

Fight with an unyielding justice!
I tell you that you are not alone.
If I stretch my hand out of the dilemma so as to oppose fate,
then surely the road will open up when the world has begun to change.[INDENT]There is no explicit causal link between lines two and three. Also the lyrics offer no explicit temporal link between the road opening and the world changing. These interpolations may be correct or incorrect, but they're not in the lyrics.

Okay, then I'll leave line two alone. Also, I think I should leave lines 3 and 4 as is since I cannot find any other way to put "the world has begun to change" into the line. "If I stretch my hand out of the dilemma so as to oppose fate, / then surely the road will open up as the world begins to change."

Using Weblio, I got this "The world that have begun to change where I will surely clear the way if I stretch out a hand from dilemma to resist fate".

Edit: Can I phrase it like this: "...then surely the world will begin to change as the road opens up."

[Raichu]

... doesn't really specify if it was a person's voice, so could I phrase it like this: "A voice takes flight/flaps its wings under the moonlight" or "Under the moonlight, a voice takes flight / as I knock..."?

"...then surely the road will open up as the world begins to change." ... "...then surely the world will begin to change as the road opens up."

These all sound fine, but they are a matter of interpretation rather than translation.

If you have any knowledge of the context like the story or characters involved, it might give you a hint as to what the symbolism of the moonlight and taking flight mean.

If you don't know for sure what the lyrics are referring to, then it's probably safest to stick to a literal translation and not try to interpret too much.