Original Fiction: Lover's Death Curse

[pieceofheaven]

Prologue

Futuristic Tokyo-a place where people want to live. All seems well, one seems to think. But what most people don't know is that some citizens have the Lover's Death Curse. It's a type of curse that makes someone kill their sinificgant other. The person they killed then comes to life and kills his or her killer and they'll be together forever.
This story is about a couple who has this kind of curse. Namyka Ismene is a emo rocker who's a lead singer in a local rock/alternative/scremo band Kokoro Kurai, or Dark Heart. Her boyfriend, nerdy emo Iminika Rye, works in a music store.
The two thought they were just a normal couple who wasn't effected by the Curse. But a event happened that made them realized that they were.
What will happen to Ismene and Rye? Can they fight the Curse or will the Curse make them victims?

[Hypergraphian]

I haven't posted enough reviews lately and its hightime I should. So here goes.

Prologue

Futuristic Tokyo-a place where people want to live. All seems well, one seems to think. But what most people don't know is that some citizens have the Lover's Death Curse. It's a type of curse that makes someone kill their sinificgant other. The person they killed then comes to life and kills his or her killer and they'll be together forever.
This story is about a couple who has this kind of curse. Namyka Ismene is a emo rocker who's a lead singer in a local rock/alternative/scremo band Kokoro Kurai, or Dark Heart. Her boyfriend, nerdy emo Iminika Rye, works in a music store.
The two thought they were just a normal couple who wasn't effected by the Curse. But a event happened that made them realized that they were.

What will happen to Ismene and Rye? Can they fight the Curse or will the Curse make them victims?

A) What you have come up with here is more of a synopsis than a prologue to a story. A prologue is inserted at the beginning of the story and usually depicts a scene that does not fit into the entire body of the plot. Yes it usually does set a back ground platform to the entire tale but its a tool normally used to describe a situation, which then helps to build depth in your characters. Using what you have written as an example, your prologue could describe a scene where a couple is dinning casually. Then suddenly one partner flips, grabs a knife and aims for the heart of his/her lover. The knife swings down and the scene ends. From here you can begin chapter 1. You can choose a host of other scenes but i'll let your imagination play around with your own story.

B) Judging from your synopsis, English may or may not be your first language. I'm guessing its not but my apologies if it is. I'd watch your grammar and sentence structures when you do finally come up with the chapters. Otherwise, the flow will be too disruptive for a good read.

Sorry for sounding a little strict but here's the good part to all that's been said. Technicalities aside you have an interesting concept going here. Do work on the idea and I'm pretty sure you'll come up with something thrilling.