I'm gay.
....But I do not get, or enjoy pride, in the slightest bit.
I did a little when I was younger, but even then it felt like a different time. When I was in high school in the early 00s I got made fun of really bad for being gay, and when I first found 'pride' it was kind of a nice feeling. But as I got older (am 35 now) I just... I feel like yeah, there's still hate out there, but we've come a long way and have a lot more acceptance, and the people that do still hate aren't going to change their minds with sex parades... or companies changing their logo for the month... (If anything I feel like it deepens the hate.)
I'm having a harder time this month because... as I've said, in late april my bf of 13 years broke up with me, and, though it wasn't the main reason, it was A reason in the list, that I didn't have any pride. And I just... don't get it at all. I'm not 'ashamed' to be gay, but I'm not 'proud' to be gay either. It... I'm sorry, but it just feels stupid to be 'proud' of who you're attracted to. - I didn't say all that to him, but yeah. (It hurts worse because he was actually in the closet for 11 years - it was long distance - but he would come over here and be one of the family, but his family didn't know I existed until 2020. (And we got together in 2009).
And I mean I wouldn't have stopped him from going to those events, but I just didn't have any interest in it. And that was actually a reason he listed, after 13 years, and being in the closet for 11. It just felt like such a slap in the face.
So I know this probibly isn't the best fourm to ask this, but its the best outlit I have... Is it really bad that I don't like 'pride'? Why do some people think I must be self hating?
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