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For the longest time I didn't think I would get married but I got married when I was 24 and he was 27. I proposed. We spent like $10 to get our certificate and that was it. We haven't had a real "wedding" but I would like to one day, but that's after I have a yard and some space in the house for family to stay in because I want it to be really low key. Needlessly extravagant things make me want to burn everything and my husband knows it.
Any family who have/had a problem with me getting married under the radar/expected something fancy for them to attend on my dollar is dead to me.
25, a week away from being 26. aaaaand.. drum roll, please!
I am celibate. Which means no relationships of any type, no marriage. Don't want a thing to do with either. As far as my thoughts go on the subject of marriage, I (personally) think its unnecessary. Though these views didn't always apply to me! rip. When I was little, I dreamed of having a big wedding with the perfect guy ( or gal ), but I guess as I got older I turned into an extremely salty old grouch ( I'm an iteration of Mr. Krabs.. or maybe Plankton ).
I draw and make jewelry. @studioalatus on instagram/inkblot/tumblr/TikTok www.studioalatus.com Etsy shop: https://etsy.com/shop/alatuscove
The point of marriage is to legitimize children. Raising a child is over a decade long commitment, though to a lesser extent it is a life long commitment. Thus, it makes sense that the parents of a child would commit to each other before starting a family. I've thought a lot about getting married, because I would like to create a family, but I definitely have concerns regarding the current culture and legal system around marriage.
Culturally, it's become sort of a weird status signal. It's like a cargo cult ritual in a way. People get divorced and there is no outside community that actually cares. The commitment was meaningless because it didn't have any teeth or consequences anyway. It's not like there are any neighbors or relatives to shun you for it, and it's so easy to filter people out of your life even if someone did.
Legally, it's just another welfare program. Spousal and child support are moved from one parent to the next so that the government has less chances of having to spend tax dollars on assistance. No fault divorce mainly just translates to husband's fault divorce, since it is easy for the court demand the husband continue to fulfill financial obligations, where as they wouldn't demand the wife to continue fulfill her obligations since they involve labor.
I've realized that unfortunately I'll will just have to take on those risks if I want to have a family, but it's extremely demotivational when I think about it. So I've not been as on top of things as I otherwise would have. There is a part of me that is willing to live the rest of my life single, so I'm never going to feel desperate to get married.
I think it's great that you're not hung up on the more superficial parts of marriage. It's also cool that you were able to find someone suitable as young as you did. It's not really clear though what your reason for getting married is.
Some might think it's weird, but I think it nice that you've maintained your celibacy. I am concerned though how it seems like you've surrendered to a life of solitude.
Do you ever worry that when you're older you'll feel lonely? Also, are you sure you're not a bit lonely now but have tried to lie to yourself to cope with it? Why did you even long for having a big wedding in the past? It sounds to me like you will fall dangerously behind in social skills and regret it later.
What better reason than loving him as a person and wanting to put a ring on it? He treated (and still does) me better than my own family, not to mention my ex or any guy I was friends with growing up. He and I dated for 4 years (lived together 3 of those) and I knew he was the one I wanted to spend my life with.
I was also always firmly childfree (not that I don't like them) but he's the one guy who I would even consider having and raising kids with.
Having kids is great! You have someone to take care of you when you get old. But for me, that is not necessary. I have lots of other relatives I can sponge off of.
Palace of the Fans, Cincinnati
I suppose I'm not asking the question correctly. It makes sense that the person you love is the person you choose to marry, but you could maintain the relationship and the love without ever having gotten married. So it's more of a question about how marriage benefits your relationship.
So I'm wondering if there are reasons beyond following convention.
For me I like being called "wife" rather than "girlfriend" and while he and I haven't talked about it I'm sure he feels the same. Because we didn't do anything extravagent the process of simply tying the knot was a big enough deal on its own.
Not to mention spousal benefits like joint taxes and insurance.
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okay, so. This quoting thing seems to be the easiest way to reply, lol. Ergo. Still getting used to AFs format after being away for a stupid long time.
Is it wrong for me to genuinely LIKE the solitude? Yes, humans are social creatures by nature, but we're not cookie cutter'd. Humanity is already pretty boring, it'd be even moreso if we were like that. Yes, I agree that some people might think its weird. Just like I think its weird that other folks think its necessary to get married or to have an SO to have a life fulfilled. I like my cats, thank you very much. ( I also have some personal reasons as to why I'm like I am, which are not divulgeable on the wonderful internets ).
Second, nah. I'm a grown adult that can handle herself, fam. I also don't need a relationship ( for any reason ) to prove my social skills are just fine. Besides, I'm a commercial photographer. Being social is necessary in this line of work and I'd have failed out of the gate if were behind in them. Intimate relationships are not required to maintain social skills and I don't know whether to find it horrendously absurd that you assume that I'm lying to myself or wot. Careful with your words there, cowboy.
And as for why I wanted a big wedding, I was a huge fan of the flouncy dresses and the fanciness associated with the event itself. I was a VERY frilly girl, growing up and if it was in any way fancy, I wanted it. Now that I look back on it? I learned that I was just being a little girl with dreams spawned by all those disney movies she watched. Like Cinderella, for example. Not that I wouldn't want a fancy dress like that.. but I'd have nowhere to wear it to. Photography expos are no place to be wearing fancy dresses unless you're one of the people modeling for some of the major companies ( ie Canon or Nikon ). :,(
I draw and make jewelry. @studioalatus on instagram/inkblot/tumblr/TikTok www.studioalatus.com Etsy shop: https://etsy.com/shop/alatuscove
I'm going to be 28 in March, but marriage hasn't really crossed on my mind. Right now, I'm more worried about loneliness itself being my best friend and finding a woman that actually expresses even one iota of affection towards me of the romantic variety. This is what happens when you've lived a very sheltered and spoiled life with overprotective parents. Perhaps some day I will get married, but not anytime soon. Although, I do worry about getting older and still not finding anyone and ultimately not getting married and dying alone. Right now though, my job, having food to eat and a roof over my head are my top priority. It wouldn't hurt to have at least one close friend though, let alone a girlfriend. Its my fault for isolating myself, since friends and coworkers do sometimes offer to hang out if I put forth the effort, but it feels difficult for me to do so.
Oh, Hi-deeki, imagine... your kind not eating raw fish! ^_^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE38SKRT4ak
Actually, I think the cats will do a good job to provide companionship, so maybe solitude doesn't apply to you. Since you mention pets, it really has me thinking about how I'm seeing people develop weird relationships with their pets. For example you have the "dog moms". Honestly, I think so many people don't want to deal with the drama and conflict of other people, so pets have become a way to get companionship without the downsides of human interaction. It doesn't bother me that some people do it, but it bothers me how prevalent it has become. I think it might be because pets are a similar to slaves in the sense that they don't have much choice in the matter and they literally are bought and sold. I'm not saying this out of empathy for the pets, since I think most of them are getting a sweet deal compared to the alternatives. I am just expressing the differences between relationships with pets and relationships with humans, which is why terms like "dog mom" which try to obfuscate the difference bother me.
You can say I'm completely wrong on this, but I've been thinking that the adversity of dealing with other people makes us better in a way that is not obvious. It's just a hypothesis I've had for a while, that many of the inconvenient traditions we've had in the past had some underlying reason to them, and we've gotten rid of them assuming they were pointless because our ancestors couldn't justify them. As a result you've got all these depressed or mentally ill people even though on paper their life is more comfortable than what people used to deal with.
Anyway those questions I asked were honest questions. Believe it or not this cowboy is careful with his words. When people say they enjoy being alone (not the temporary kind but the persistent kind), I just get the impression that they're lying to themselves, so I asked you about it rather than just outright assuming it to be true. It's not meant to be a personal attack on you. Do you think it's wrong that I'm asking your these questions or talking about these things?
I don't care about costs. I'd go all out for the person I love. The wedding will be beautiful. Maybe I'll invite some of you guys from AF!!
My Wi-Fi, it's gone out . . .
Marriage is honestly one of the stupidest things you can do- especially for the males.
My husband and I went to the courthouse in 2015 and got married. It was simple, it was nice, and we've been happy. We've been together overall for 10 years and it just made sense. Granted, marriage isnt for everyone. It really depends on the couple and what makes them happy.
I will say this- marriage does have benefits. My husbands parents are insane, so if anything ever happens to him I have say in what happens next, not them.
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(o.o)
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So am I the only one here who had the sort of wedding where she walks down the isle and there are a bunch of people? Also the only one with kids?
It's kind of weird to think I joined this forum ten years ago, so the teens I knew back then are older now than I was when I got married. Granted 22 might be young for some people, but we were graduating and our careers would have taken us in separate directions, and I wasn't going to risk my future that way for just a girlfriend. It was a little stressful, but it worked out.
Kind of interesting with the anime connection and Japan's birthrate issues. I don't want it to be a spoiler, but anime is the only genre where I've seen visions of futures where humanity was ultimately dying out not because of aliens or whatever, but just because people in the future just didn't bother with having kids.
I can appreciate the things modern society has stacked up against marriage and raising middle class kids, and it does make me worry about the future.
I wonder what it'd be like for someone to marry me? lol
My Wi-Fi, it's gone out . . .
I am currently in the process of finalising my wedding plans. We are having a small breakfast wedding of 20 guests and it is only close family and friends. My partner and I both want this and we have consulted our lawyer and sorted all the paperwork. We have lived together for some time and feel that getting married will just legally reinforce our commitment to each other.
Marriage is not for everyone. If you want it and believe in it then you should go for it but, if you are not sure then rather not. We are not all marriage people, we are not all relationship people either. Divorce is an administrative and financial nightmare that I would never wish upon my worst enemy and if you do not have a good Prenuptial agreement in place your partner can walk away with half your assets including your Retirement savings.
I understand why you feel this way regarding getting married. I am a Personal Financial Planner and I often see the bad side of marriage. Couples fighting about money, husbands who make sure that their wives get nothing in the event of their death, uncontrolled debt etc. I have seen my fair share of marriages falling apart because of trust issues caused by money. These people all love each other and that is why they got married, but I feel that in order for a marriage to work, love is not enough. In order for a marriage to work out both parties have to commit to making sure that they are consistently working on making their marriage work.
As for the legal aspects of it, I do feel that marriage is a great tool to protect yourself from your partner if you have a good prenuptial agreement in place. Who better than the court to hold you accountable for the commitments that you have made and your subsequent decisions.
Marriage is something that should be done with your eyes wide open there is much more to it than just loving and knowing that person You need to make sure that your person makes a good partner in both the good and challenging times.
Wonder who the lucky person would be? They must be as nice as I am, and intelligent. Very.
My Wi-Fi, it's gone out . . .
I refuse to even have a relationship. It just seems too much like doing drugs. Addictive, terrible side effects, clouded thinking... plus waking up the next morning wondering wtf you were thinking.
Still what's the point of marriage? If you love someone you can live with them without a ceremony or piece of paper.
Last edited by Clayton_n; 08-16-2019 at 06:23 PM.
Anime is a lot like sex. Done right it's a beautiful act of creation that brings a little more light into the world. If it's sick and wrong... it's even better.
Author of "Slasher School Days", "How to Be an Anime Character", and "The Complete Lesbian Storybook" available from Amazon.com
I do however support lesbian weddings.
Last edited by Clayton_n; 08-16-2019 at 06:21 PM.
Anime is a lot like sex. Done right it's a beautiful act of creation that brings a little more light into the world. If it's sick and wrong... it's even better.
Author of "Slasher School Days", "How to Be an Anime Character", and "The Complete Lesbian Storybook" available from Amazon.com
Edit: That special one is out there.
Last edited by Digimon_Sommelier; 08-21-2019 at 08:07 PM.
My Wi-Fi, it's gone out . . .
I was with someone for quite a while. (Over 5 years) We discussed about getting married but, never got married in the end and we separated. It got to the point where after waiting so long, I couldn't care less if we got married and just stopped wanting to get married all together. We had started planning to have kids months before our separation.
I'm going to be 28 soon but, I don't feel like I am pressured or feel the need to absolutely get married anytime soon. I've been focused on my career, hobbies and traveling. I'm happy where I am currently. :3
Every great work of art has two faces, one toward its own time and one toward the future, toward eternity.
Daniel Barenboim
Here is my family!:
lilminx: My awesome big sister!
*Tsuki*: Awesome lil sister!
Teddy2116:Cool big bro!
Hikaru_Hitachiin: Cool older Brother!
kirei-chan: Awesomo big sister!
Serpentarius: Brother in law!
Anime is a lot like sex. Done right it's a beautiful act of creation that brings a little more light into the world. If it's sick and wrong... it's even better.
Author of "Slasher School Days", "How to Be an Anime Character", and "The Complete Lesbian Storybook" available from Amazon.com
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