Aimer - DAWN

[Haze~]

Hey there! I've just submitted the translit for this song, and felt like I wanted some feedback on the translation before I submit it as well. Any feedback would be appreciated!

Romaji:

Hateshinaku hirogaru kono sora ni kiseki nante nakute mo kamawanai
Nagashita namida nara kakusanai mou nani ga atte mo

Tatoeba sou sora wo yokogiru shiroi tori no you ni tsubasa ga atte
Jiyuu ni ima sora wo tobeta nara nigeru you ni tada samayotteita

Koko de shika mienai mono ga atte koko de futari deatta
Yukuate no nai tabiji to shite mo mou nidoto mayowanai negai wa hitotsu da to chikau

Hateshinaku hirogaru kono sora ni kiseki nante nakute mo kamawanai
Nagashita namida nara kakusanai mou nani ga atte mo

Furikaereba yosete wa kaesu shiroi nami ga hora
Erandekita ashiato dake keshite kureru kara tadashisa toka mou kotae wa nakute

Kogidashita fune wa ho wo hatte kogoeru kaze fukareta
Toozakatteku nagisa no sumi de omoide to kanashimi ga te wo furi sayonara wo utau

Hateshinaku hirogaru kono umi ni ikiba nante nakute mo kamawanai
Arashi no yoru de sura kowakunai mou nani mo obieru koto mo nai
Yuukan na omoi ga tsumazuita yoru mo soba ni iru yo
Nani ga atte mo soba ni iru yo

Kieteyuku tsuki to hoshi no nai yozora
Nani yori kurai no wa sou yoakemae
Asa hi made mou sukoshi

Aketeyuku shizukana ano sora ni kiseki nante nakute mo kamawanai
Tsunaida kono te nara hanasanai mou nani mo obieru koto mo nai
Nemurenai omoi wo dakishimeta yoru ni asa wa kuru yo
Te wo nobaseba asa wa kuru yo

English:

I don't care if there are no miracles to be found in this endlessly expanding sky;
I won't hide the tears that I have already shed... no matter what happens.

If I had wings, like those white birds crossing the sky,
And could fly freely across it right now, I would have merely wandered about as if running away.

There was something that could only be seen here on the ground... and this is where we met.
Even if this journey is one with no destination, I won't lose my way again; I swear our wish is one and the same!

I don't care if there are no miracles to be found in this endlessly expanding sky;
I won't hide the tears that I have already shed... no matter what happens.

If you turn around, look, white waves, swelling and ebbing,
Are erasing only the footprints we've come to choose - so there's no longer an answer as to "what's right".

The boat we've started rowing set its sails, and was blown away by a chilling wind.
In the corner of the shore that's growing further and further away, our memories and sorrows wave their hands, singing a song of farewell.

I don't care if we have nowhere to go in this endlessly expanding sea;
I don't fear even a stormy night... we no longer have anything to be scared of.
Even on nights our brave emotions have stumbled, I'll be by your side,
No matter what, I'll be by your side.

A fading moon and a starless night sky -
But what's darker than all is, yes: the time just before the break of dawn...
There's only a bit of time left before the sun rises.

I don't care if there are no miracles to be found in that quiet dawning sky;
I won't ever let go of your hand held in mine... we no longer have anything to be scared of.
Onto the night we have embraced our sleepless emotions, morning will come,
Once we reach out our hands, morning will come.

Kanji:

果てしなく広がる　この空に　奇跡なんてなくてもかまわない
流した涙なら　隠さない　もう何があっても

例えば　そう　空を横切る白い鳥のように翼があって
自由に今　空を飛べたなら　逃げるように　ただ彷徨っていた

地上(ここ)でしか見えないものがあって　地上(ここ)でふたり出会えた
行く宛のない旅路としても　もう二度と迷わない　願いは　一つだと誓う

果てしなく広がる　この空に　奇跡なんてなくてもかまわない
流した涙なら　隠さない　もう何があっても

振り返れば　寄せては返す　白い波が　ほら
選んできた足跡だけ消してくれるから　正しさとか　もう答えはなくて

漕ぎだした船は帆をはって　凍える風　吹かれた
遠ざかってく渚の隅で　思い出と悲しみが手を振り　さよならを謳う

果てしなく広がるこの海に　行き場なんてなくてもかまわない
嵐の夜ですら　怖くない　もう何も怯えることもない
勇敢な想いがつまずいた夜も　そばにいるよ
何があっても　そばにいるよ

消えてゆく月と　星のない夜空
何より暗いのは　そう　夜明け前
朝日まで　もう少し

明けてゆく　静かなあの空に　奇跡なんてなくてもかまわない
つないだこの手なら離さない　もう何も怯えることもない
眠れない想いを抱きしめた夜に　朝は来るよ
手を伸ばせば　朝は来るよ

[EJTranslations]

This looks great! I just have some tiny tiny nitpicks:

In 流した涙なら　隠さない　もう何があっても, it looks like you're applying もう to 流した, but my feeling would be that it applies to 隠さない--i.e. "I won't hide the tears I've shed anymore."

In the line "Onto the night we have embraced our sleepless emotions, morning will come," I would just say "To the night..." as "Morning will come onto [whatever]" strikes me as a fairly unnatural construction.

[Haze~]

Thanks for the feedback!

In the line "Onto the night we have embraced our sleepless emotions, morning will come," I would just say "To the night..." as "Morning will come onto [whatever]" strikes me as a fairly unnatural construction.

Yeah, I thought it might would... I guess I'll have to change that, after all.

In 流した涙なら　隠さない　もう何があっても, it looks like you're applying もう to 流した, but my feeling would be that it applies to 隠さない--i.e. "I won't hide the tears I've shed anymore

That's exactly what I had in mind when I first encountered it, too, actually.
I didn't apply もう to 流した, though. Doesn't it apply to [もう]何があっても?
As in, "No matter what happens next/from this point on."
I just figured, "No matter what happens", will convey it enough.

流した涙なら　隠さない - it's kind of difficult to explain why I added "already". "I won't hide the tears [that] I have already gone and shed.", is basically how I see it. Maybe it's just me, lol. I'll have to think it over.

Thanks again!

[Hinamawari]

That's exactly what I had in mind when I first encountered it, too, actually.
I didn't apply もう to 流した, though. Doesn't it apply to [もう]何があっても?
As in, "No matter what happens next/from this point on."
I just figured, "No matter what happens", will convey it enough.

流した涙なら　隠さない - it's kind of difficult to explain why I added "already". "I won't hide the tears [that] I have already gone and shed.", is basically how I see it. Maybe it's just me, lol. I'll have to think it over.

The part about the tears already shed makes sense to me, but I do think that the sense of もう is missing from the translation. The implication is that before this, the speaker used to hide their tears, but they've decided not to do that anymore--hence bluepenguin's suggestion.

I think the overall translation looks great, though. One small point that could perhaps be open to interpretation is your rendering of 朝日まで　もう少し. The sense I get from the lyrics is that the speaker is looking forward to the morning, i.e. "There's only a bit more (of the darkness) to get through before the sun rises." The current translation seems to imply that the speaker is not looking forward to it, due to the word "left" (as in, there's so little time left that I've got to finish up whatever I need to do before it's too late).

[EJTranslations]

Sorry, it was the "already" in "tears I've already shed" that made me think that the "もう" had migrated there. My mistake. Just that, as Hinamawari says, the current translation is missing the sense of "I used to but now I won't anymore."

[Haze~]

Yup, it was definitely missing the 「もう」part. I did add "anymore" at first, but for some reason questioned whether if it was okay or not.
I can't seem to recall it now... ;l Anyway, thanks for the help, you two! I'll also see what I can do about the 朝日まで　もう少し issue Hinamawari mentioned.