Shisha no Teikoku - Door

[Rei]

I've been trying to translate this, but I have a few issues with it- it doesn't seem to connect in some places. Open to suggestions!


I've counted my remaining time
And you, who opens your eyes
At the place we dreamed of that day
Our wishes come to fruition

数えた　残された時を
そして目を開けるあなたは
夢見たあの日の場所で
願いを遂げて

If this suspended time moves
I'll be able to meet you
Let's put an end
to these repeating tomorrows

止まった時を動かして
あなたに会えるわ
繰り返した明日を
終わりにして

Reflected in these eyes
Is the promise
I made with you in the future
to continue living,
and to move forward without turning back
I'm right here
In your thoughts
Dreaming, and sleeping for eternity.

この目に映した
未来をあなたに
約束して
生きていくの
振り向かずに進んで
私はここにいるわ
あなたの想いに
夢を見て永遠に眠る

Black smoke dances in the darkened sky
disappearing somewhere
I can't be seen anymore
Not even by you [1]

くすんだ空に舞う黒煙
どこへ消えてゆく
私にはもう見えない
あなたさえも
何も見えない

Open the door, and show me
Grant me just a single wish...

扉を開けてみせて
願いは一つだけ叶う

Grasp that hand
Make a promise to me
in the future
to continue living,
and to move forward without turning back

その手で掴んで
未来を私と
約束して
生きていくの
振り向かずに進んで

You're right here [2]
In this crumbling reality
Dreaming, and sleeping for eternity
I remain vivid.

あなたはここにいるわ
崩れ落ちる現実
夢を見て永遠に眠る
私は色褪せずに

---

[1] I can't decide if I should interpret さえも together, or separately. My first translation was: I can't be seen anymore / And even you / Can't see anything .

[2] This entire stanza doesn't seem to connect very well- don't know if I should stick the first two sentences together or just translate it literally, which would make it seem disjointed.

[Haze~]

お疲れ様です！

This is a pretty tricky one, considering all the possible interpretations there are...

>数えた　残された時を
そして目を開けるあなたは
夢見たあの日の場所で
願いを遂げて

I'd probably have the two last lines of this stanza as:

"And you, who opens your eyes,
Carry out/realize your wishes
In/at the place you dreamed of that day."

But again, that's just my interpretation.


>止まった時を動かして
あなたに会えるわ
繰り返した明日を
終わりにして

By moving the time that had stopped,
I'll be able to meet/see you,
Putting an end
To these repeating tomorrows.

^Is my view on this stanza.


>この目に映した
未来をあなたに
約束して
生きていくの
振り向かずに進んで
私はここにいるわ
あなたの想いに
夢を見て永遠に眠る

It's just my interpretation, but I think the two first lines are connected, and the 約束して is a request:

"I'll give to you
The future reflected in my/these eyes.
[So] promise me
To continue living/that you'll live on;
Advance forward, without turning back."

Then again, it could also be:

"I'll promise you
the future reflected in my/these eyes,
And live on;
Advancing forward, without turning back."

Although this particular theory doesn't work very well in the その手で掴んで stanza... so I'd lean toward the first one.


>くすんだ空に舞う黒煙
どこへ消えてゆく
私にはもう見えない
あなたさえも
何も見えない

Black smoke dances in the darkened sky -
Where does it vanish to? (If it had been どこか instead, it would have been fine)
I can no longer see;
Not even you,
Or anything. (This is my take on the 見えない thingy)


>扉を開けてみせて
願いは一つだけ叶う

I think you could drop the "show me" part and have it mean the same (usually, I personally like to translate ～ってみせて as, "show me how you can...").

And as for the second line, I don't think it's a request.

"One single wish will come true..."

As in, "if you open that door, one wish of yours will come true". That's how I see it, anyway.


>その手で掴んで
未来を私と

Grasp it with your/those hands! -
The future, and me along with it. (Note the で)

[Rei]

Thanks for all your suggestions! (And sorry for the late reply ^^;

>数えた　残された時を
そして目を開けるあなたは
夢見たあの日の場所で
願いを遂げて

I'd probably have the two last lines of this stanza as:

"And you, who opens your eyes,
Carry out/realize your wishes
In/at the place you dreamed of that day."

But again, that's just my interpretation.

Oh man, no, you're right- I can't believe I didn't see that the first time. My version's way clunkier.

>この目に映した
未来をあなたに
約束して
生きていくの
振り向かずに進んで
私はここにいるわ
あなたの想いに
夢を見て永遠に眠る

It's just my interpretation, but I think the two first lines are connected, and the 約束して is a request:

"I'll give to you
The future reflected in my/these eyes.
[So] promise me
To continue living/that you'll live on;
Advance forward, without turning back."

Then again, it could also be:

"I'll promise you
the future reflected in my/these eyes,
And live on;
Advancing forward, without turning back."

Although this particular theory doesn't work very well in the その手で掴んで stanza... so I'd lean toward the first one.

Yeah, the first one definitely fits better with that phrase.

>くすんだ空に舞う黒煙
どこへ消えてゆく
私にはもう見えない
あなたさえも
何も見えない

Black smoke dances in the darkened sky -
Where does it vanish to? (If it had been どこか instead, it would have been fine)
I can no longer see;
Not even you,
Or anything. (This is my take on the 見えない thingy)

I was pretty confused about the 'には' part in the first sentence, with relation to the rest of it. Your take makes sense.

>扉を開けてみせて
願いは一つだけ叶う

I think you could drop the "show me" part and have it mean the same (usually, I personally like to translate ～ってみせて as, "show me how you can...").

And as for the second line, I don't think it's a request.

"One single wish will come true..."

As in, "if you open that door, one wish of yours will come true". That's how I see it, anyway.

Ah yeah, that makes sense. I just got thrown off by the みて/みせて part.

Can't believe I made so many mistakes! I definitely need to work harder.