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Thread: Yakushimaru Etsuko - Lonely Planet

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    Default Yakushimaru Etsuko - Lonely Planet

    I'm back with a translation that I've been punting around in my folder for ages- and it still doesn't sound right.

    Translation:

    Hello, Sound Only
    Mike check, One Two
    I'm just a little lonely
    I'll return right away, right away, right away

    Hello, Sound Only
    Mike check, one two
    What day is it today?
    I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll be Home

    How's life over there? Is the Earth still blue?
    I've become completely completely completely completely unable to see it
    Peeking at the planets through my lens,
    At my wit's end, I wait for correspondence.

    How's life over there? Please attach some images
    How's life over there? I wanna eat some pickled plums
    Is life peaceful? Be careful to lock up properly.
    How's life over there? Please take care of your body.

    Hello, Sound Only
    Mike check, One Two
    I'm just a little lonely
    I'll return right away, right away, right away

    Life over here is boredom. Is it the ice age on Earth?
    There's completely completely completely completely completely no indication to be felt
    I count off one, ten, a hundred, a thousand, ten thousand light years on my fingers
    At my wit's end, I listen to the radio.

    Life over here is boredom. There's not a single soul.
    Life over here is boredom. I'm like a king
    Watch out for danger on your life, [1] and for meteorites
    Life over here is boredom. Write again, won't you?

    Hello, Sound Only
    Mike check, One Two
    I'm just a little lonely
    I'll return right away, right away, right away

    Have you completely forgotten about the turning of the Earth?
    Electromagnetic waves completely completely completely completely completely can't get through
    Even if I set up an antenna in space, my cell phone won't respond
    At my wit's end, I simply send messages.

    Have you completely forgotten? My lover on Earth
    Have you completely forgotten? You said it was a lie.
    I forgot to attach a stamp, but that's all right. Take note of the receiving address
    Have you completely forgotten? About replying me

    Hello, Sound Only
    Mike check, One Two
    I'm just a little lonely
    I'll return right away, right away, right away

    I'll definitely return, baby. Where's the Earth's trajectory?
    I've completely completely completely completely completely lost my mark
    On a remote star which even Urashima Tarou would turn back from [2]
    At my wit's end, I simply follow through on my orders

    I'll definitely return, baby. Observing the distortions in time-space,
    I'll definitely return, baby. I'll call for a taxi
    I bought you some souvenirs, baby. Be careful of aging
    I'll definitely return, baby. Welcome me back, won't you?

    Hello, Sound Only
    Mike check, One Two
    I'm just a little lonely
    I'll return right away, right away, right away

    It might not be possible, sorry. With the Earth at my side,
    even the UFOs don't exist anymore [3]

    At my wit's end, I simply wait for the end.

    It might not be possible, sorry. It seems like I've run out of fuel
    It might not be possible, sorry. My tears are salty
    Is my last transmission coming through all right? Be careful of the future
    It might not be possible, sorry. I'll be going now, bye-bye.

    Kanji:

    Hello, Sound Only
    マイクチェック、ワン・ツー
    ちょっとだけロンリー
    すぐに帰る帰る帰る

    Hello, Sound Only
    マイクチェック、ワン・ツー
    今日は何曜日?
    I\'ll I\'ll I\'ll I\'ll be Home

    そっちの暮らしはどうだい 地球は青いまま?
    とんととんととんととんととんと 目視もできなくなって
    水金地火木土天海冥 レンズ越し覗いて
    なすすべもなくただ便りを待つよ

    そっちの暮らしはどうだい 画像添付で頂戴
    そっちの暮らしはどうだい 梅干し食べたい
    暮らし安心そうかい? 戸締まり注意
    そっちの暮らしはどうだい 身体に気をつけて

    Hello, Sound Only
    マイクチェック、ワン・ツー
    ちょっとだけロンリー
    すぐに帰る帰る帰る

    こっちの暮らしはboredom 地球は今氷河期?
    とんととんととんととんととんと 気配も感じなくなって
    一・十\・百・千・一万光年 指折り数えて
    なすすべもなくただラジオを聞くよ

    こっちの暮らしはboredom ひとっこひとりいないや
    こっちの暮らしはboredom まるで王様
    暮らしを見守るデンジャー 隕石注意
    こっちの暮らしはboredom また手紙書くね

    Hello, Sound Only
    マイクチェック、ワン・ツー
    ちょっとだけロンリー
    すぐに帰る帰る帰る

    すっかり忘れてないかい 地球は回ってそうさ
    とんととんととんととんととんと 電波も入らなくなって
    アンテナ一本宇宙にたてても携帯は無反応
    なすすべもなくただメールをうつよ

    すっかり忘れてないかい 地上の恋人よ
    すっかり忘れてないかい 嘘だって言って
    切手張り忘れドンマイ 宛名に注意
    すっかり忘れてないかい 返信されたし

    Hello, Sound Only
    マイクチェック、ワン・ツー
    ちょっとだけロンリー
    すぐに帰る帰る帰る

    必ず帰るよベイビー 地球の軌道はどこ?
    とんととんととんととんととんと 見当もつかなくなって
    浦島太郎も引き返すような辺境の星で
    なすすべもなくただ任務をこなす

    必ず帰るよベイビー 時空の歪みを観測
    必ず帰るよベイビー タクシー呼んで
    お土産買ったよベイビー 老化に注意
    必ず帰るよベイビー 迎えにきてね

    Hello, Sound Only
    マイクチェック、ワン・ツー
    ちょっとだけロンリー
    すぐに帰る帰る帰る

    ダメかもしれないソ\ーリー 地球よ傍にいて
    とうととうととうととうととうとう UFOもいなくなって
    一万光年先では気象が異常なショウタイム
    なすすべもなくただ終わりを待つよ

    ダメかもしれないソ\ーリー 燃料が尽きそうさ
    ダメかもしれないソ\ーリー 涙がしょっぱい
    最後の通信オーライ? 未来に注意
    ダメかもしれないソ\ーリー じゃあ行くねバイバイ

    [1] I don't really know how I should phrase 「暮らしを見守るデンジャー」 out properly...

    [2] I tried reading up on this guy: https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E6%B5...A4%AA%E9%83%8E and it seems like he's the Japanese Rip Van Winkle or something? I'm not too sure how to incorporate the meaning into lyrics properly.

    [3] Anyone have a possible interpretation on what 「とうととうととうととうととうと」 might be? I'm completely stumped on this one. Unless she's saying that UFOs have disappeared from Tokyo...

    It feels like there's some really awkward phrasing in the rest of my translation, too. Any feedback would be appreciated, thanks!
    Last edited by Rei; 05-10-2016 at 10:04 AM.

    できねぇ時?
    そん時ゃ諸共心中だよ





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    Default Re: Yakushimaru Etsuko - Lonely Planet

    Hey Rei


    I don't think I can really help much on [1]. Although, I guess I can pose a question which may or may not be really stupid.
    Is it meant to be read as 「暮らしを 見守るデンジャー」 ("watch out for danger...", like you have) or 「暮らしを見守る デンジャー」? I actually really don't know if the alternate interpretation's valid, but it might be something to think about.

    For [2], I have no clue. sorry 【・_;】

    As far as [3] goes, I'm not sure if it's just a mistake or not, but there's an extra 「う」 at the end in the original line, but not in your note at the bottom.
    Now, とうとう can mean "finally", which definitely would make sense as the word there with some vowel shortening going on (goo does have a 「とう‐と」 entry that says it can be the same as とうとう, but I haven't seen that confirmed on other major dictionary sites, so take that with a grain of salt).
    Of course, the Tokyo meaning also makes sense, so idk.... At least it's something to think about.




    For other stuff, I'm not seeing anything for the line 「一万光年先では気象が異常なショウタイム」, so make sure you don't forget that.

    Also, unless this is a conscious decision, 「すっかり忘れてないかい」 should probably be "Have you not completely forgotten?"


    In regards to phrasing, it seems pretty good.
    Maybe go for "What's the Earth's trajectory?" though,
    and on the next line, "completely lost my way" might work a bit better.

    One thing I noticed is "About replying me". You can almost certainly see the problem there without me saying anything, but it should say "to me"

    There's also a place where you've written out "Electromagnetic waves". I don't mind it, but most people would just say "radio waves", wouldn't they?

    And..... That's all I see as significant (although I'm sure other people might feel differently). Hopefully that somewhat helps.

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    Default Re: Yakushimaru Etsuko - Lonely Planet

    Quote Originally Posted by nd1 View Post
    Is it meant to be read as 「暮らしを 見守るデンジャー」 ("watch out for danger...", like you have) or 「暮らしを見守る デンジャー」? I actually really don't know if the alternate interpretation's valid, but it might be something to think about.
    I have no idea, man xD The original lyrics aren't helping much...thanks for bringing that up though! That's a good point. I'll think about it- sure seems that the writer is telling their lover to take care a lot, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by nd1 View Post
    As far as [3] goes, I'm not sure if it's just a mistake or not, but there's an extra 「う」 at the end in the original line, but not in your note at the bottom.
    Now, とうとう can mean "finally", which definitely would make sense as the word there with some vowel shortening going on (goo does have a 「とう‐と」 entry that says it can be the same as とうとう, but I haven't seen that confirmed on other major dictionary sites, so take that with a grain of salt).
    Of course, the Tokyo meaning also makes sense, so idk.... At least it's something to think about.
    Yeah, that extra う exists in the actual lyrics. I'm so confused. ^^;; I might actually go with 'Finally'- god what IS the context of this song lol


    Quote Originally Posted by nd1 View Post
    For other stuff, I'm not seeing anything for the line 「一万光年先では気象が異常なショウタイム」, so make sure you don't forget that.
    Argh, forgot to translate that! Was having some trouble interpreting it.

    Also, unless this is a conscious decision, 「すっかり忘れてないかい」 should probably be "Have you not completely forgotten?"[/QUOTE]

    That makes sense.


    Quote Originally Posted by nd1 View Post
    In regards to phrasing, it seems pretty good.
    Maybe go for "What's the Earth's trajectory?" though,
    and on the next line, "completely lost my way" might work a bit better.
    Hmm I guess- that's what I thought at first, but there's a clear 「どこ」 there. Could it be used that way instead?

    Quote Originally Posted by nd1 View Post
    One thing I noticed is "About replying me". You can almost certainly see the problem there without me saying anything, but it should say "to me"

    There's also a place where you've written out "Electromagnetic waves". I don't mind it, but most people would just say "radio waves", wouldn't they?

    And..... That's all I see as significant (although I'm sure other people might feel differently). Hopefully that somewhat helps.
    I dunno, 'Replying me' seems pretty obvious to me, even without the 'to'. Thanks for the suggestion, though!

    Oops, yeah, I guess that's the more common translation xD

    You definitely helped me out a ton. Thanks so much!

    できねぇ時?
    そん時ゃ諸共心中だよ





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    Default Re: Yakushimaru Etsuko - Lonely Planet

    >また手紙書くね

    I think it should be something like, "I'll be sure to write you another letter" (note it's not in ~て form).

    >ダメかもしれないソ\ーリー 地球よ傍にいて
    とうととうととうととうととうとう UFOもいなくなって
    一万光年先では気象が異常なショウタイム

    I think she's asking the Earth to be by her side here, despite knowing it might be an impossible request, and the next 2 lines after that are connected.
    Which might sound a little weird, but I don't think I've ever seen this kind of よ being used as が, so that's the only way I can think of approaching this line.

    And as for the "とうととうととうととうととうとう" thingy, my hunch says it's "one by one", but I don't really have anything else to rely on, so... yeah.

    >Argh, forgot to translate that! Was having some trouble interpreting it.

    Hmm... Maybe something like: "UFOs will eventually cease to exist, etc... And [in] ten thousand light years from now, it'll be the start of abnormal weather."?

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    Default Re: Yakushimaru Etsuko - Lonely Planet

    Hmm I guess- that's what I thought at first, but there's a clear 「どこ」 there. Could it be used that way instead?
    That was just me thinking (though I could be wrong) that in English you generally use what for something like a current destination/trajectory/whatever else instead of where. It's nothing to do with the Japanese part of the translation.


    I dunno, 'Replying me' seems pretty obvious to me, even without the 'to'. Thanks for the suggestion, though!
    Maybe that just bugs me then, but with the 'to' is more correct.



    I think it should be something like, "I'll be sure to write you another letter" (note it's not in ~て form).
    I agree with Haze~ on this.

    I think she's asking the Earth to be by her side here, despite knowing it might be an impossible request,
    Oops, missed that too. Seems reasonable.


    And one other thing (@Haze~ ):
    ten thousand light years from now
    Remember that light years are a measure of distance, not time, so 'now' isn't really the right word to use. You'd probably want to say "ten thousand light years ahead" (or just make it "in ten thousand light years").

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    Default Re: Yakushimaru Etsuko - Lonely Planet

    Quote Originally Posted by nd1 View Post
    Remember that light years are a measure of distance, not time,
    Oh yeah, you're right about that lol. Maybe I shouldn't be trying to translate at 1 AM.

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