Help in translations: Suzumura Kenichi's songs

[touchpen912]

[CENTER]Hi everyone!

I'm new here and totally inexperienced in translating lyrics. Especially translating a foreign language (japanese) to another foreign language (english) makes the whole thing even more difficult for me so I hope that I can find some advices and help here. Yoroshiku ne!

I'm trying to translate the lyrics of Suzumura Kenichi's songs, currently finished four of them.
I've uploaded the translation as an attachement, because it seems easier to me.

The biggest problem for me is to determine whether the phrase is related to an "I/We"- or "You". Sometimes I had to reverse the english phrases since japanese has a different sentence structure.

I'm very grateful for help.

Thanks very much in advance! ^^

[animeyay]

I took a brief look at your translations. It seems that your understanding of the Japanese lyrics is good, but your English word choice and sentence structures may need a little work.

For example:

• Instead of translating 出来すぎ as "too much to be", try "overachieving."
• 欲張り can be translated as "greedy", which you did. However, "ambitious" will simply sound better and more positive in the song's context.
• 見上げる = "to look up at", not "to look up to", which has a completely different meaning ("to respect").
• I think it's okay to leave SF as "sci-fi", instead of "surreal".
• 強制終了 = "force shutdown"

I understand it's especially difficult for non-native speakers of English, but practice and only practice will make it better. It'll definitely be a good idea for you to work with someone that has a lot of free time on hand, and ask him/her to proofread your English. ^^

[touchpen912]

お世話になりました。本当にどうもありがとう！

Thanks so much for your quick answer!^^

One reason why I'm doing this is to improve in both languages.^^
It's indeed difficult for non-native speakers. (It's even difficult to translate these lyrics in my mother tongue...^^°)
There are some sentences in the japanese lyrics, I don't know how to translate. So I hoped that I would get help here and this forum is just the right place!^^
In my circle of friends there's unfortunately no one who can help me with the japanese, but may proofread my english translation.^^

Again, thank you very much!^^

[Hazelchan]

Hi!! I must be really blind but I can't find your attachment D=
I'm really new to this forum and sorry for the inconvenience orz