The Silent Sun

[Zandan]

'Twas the end of the show
Nearly time to go
but darkness still remained
and not a word was explained
But then the child cried

...The Silence died...

Silence in the empty street
lonely dirt at my feet
grazing in a field...gentle creatures
A closer look at their large features
reveals a frighteningly less gentle being
Sudden shock at what I'm seeing
Their anger...apparent it now seems

...Unease fills my dreams...

I know they can break the fence
Things are getting intense
In the street...there is one!
In the street of the Silent Sun
I timidly pass by the beast
A couple steps at the least
But then! Coming from ahead
A goat with a child's head.
Her legs..there's only three
Awkward...trotting towards me.
Darkness upon her lies
Darkness is in her eyes.

...Dark...

Like the theater in which no one had yet spoken
'Til the silence, by a child's cry was broken
Her horns were sharp, and she jumped high
In that street, she looked me dead in the eye.
Though scared of the bull bears, I hurried back their way
wondering if that young goat girl had anything to say.
An angered beast blocked me, but then moved aside
White...strangely foggy eyed...
The little girl still chased after me.
The tug of a white tail set me free.

Awoke me from the street of the Silent Sun
But in through my window, shined the exact same one.

__________________

Feedback please. ^_^

[Megamind's Minion]

this one is good..
the comparison between the theatre and the street is not so comparative...
but the breaking of the silence was...
i loved reading the whimsical beat by the way...
i hoped i get it right...
kinda catchy....

[alexshim]

I agree with howl on this the pauses between the poem were very crucial and you did amazing to place them. beat for new too me.

[Kaname Shikara]

Oh wow, this is a really great poem! I loved it to much ^^ I think it might have topped "The Beat" Both were so amazing. I'm so glad you posted them. ^^

[Zandan]

Or maybe I should have named this "Dream of an Insomniac"

Thank you for the feed back.

[Rulloxp]

I really liked that. ^^ (: It is very creative; i love it! I would definallylike to see more !

[Zandan]

Just a small off topic question...how does everyone get so many points? O_o

[alexshim]

Just a small off topic question...how does everyone get so many points? O_o

I think you got the answer now.

[Zandan]

Yep...I got it in a surprising way

[*Tsuki*]

wahahaha, you have more than me!

Anyway, I didn't like the poem as much as your others.
It was greatly written and the flow was great,
but because I'm me, the rhyming distracted me. <.<

I got confused at the goat part. . .
still don't understand it. >.<

[Zandan]

It's supposed to be confusing...I was confused as well.

But yeah, It isn't as good as the others I've posted.

[*Tsuki*]

ooh, well congrats on the accomplishment. xD

[3mO.AnG3L.La3La]

it was beautiful in a way and i love you comparisons