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Thread: How I See You

  1. #1
    Senior Member ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default How I See You

    How I See You
    Like two flower's petals,
    They bloom into sight,
    Clashing together like metals,
    And disappearing into the light.

    Watching from a far,
    I see us blooming,
    But all this is behind a bar,
    Set in my mind of the confusing.

    A bright star in the sky,
    That shines so very bright,
    Floating ever so high,
    And so delicately right.

    This is how I see you,
    Ever so little may be said,
    My heart belongs to you too,
    Until the day of the dead.
    Last edited by ELR; 02-05-2010 at 02:04 AM. Reason: lol, just a quick fix
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

  2. #2
    Ruler of Fire ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac's Avatar
    Gil
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    Amazing flow ,extreme emotion's ,Amazing feel.

    I would say just work out a lil on your word's

    like last line it would be gracious if it would be

    (death) instead of dead or even (my death)

    Then (afar) put a space in between .

    Awesome potential to see the world hat's off.
    Last edited by ultra_maniac; 02-04-2010 at 11:47 AM.
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

  3. #3
    The exiled memelord Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte has a reputation beyond repute Nanobyte's Avatar
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    Wow... this is great, thanks! i love it.

  4. #4
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
    Gil
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    MmMmm Sweet. It is really sweet. And beautifully worded too. I find it very highly scrumptious. ^^

  5. #5
    Artistic Muse Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin's Avatar
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    Wow, I reallly like this poem! It's my kind of poetry. The classic rhyming scheme is my favorite. And, your wording is great especially because of your descriptive imagery. Keep writing!!


  6. #6
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirei22 View Post
    Wow, I reallly like this poem! It's my kind of poetry. The classic rhyming scheme is my favorite. And, your wording is great especially because of your descriptive imagery. Keep writing!!
    I agree completely! I knew you were awesome ^^ I loved it so much. In my opinion you wrote it perfectly

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  7. #7
    Senior Member ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
    Gil
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    @ultra_maniac Thank you, I shall fix that. But death does't rhyme well with said but I see what you are talking about.

    @Amber I'm glad you love it and I thank you for have read it.

    @Nightixu ^_^' I'm flattered by your words, thank you for reading it.

    @Kirei22 There was a comment you made once about the arrangement of a poem and thought it should be attempted. I'm glad you saw an image with it and it attracted your attention enough to reat it. Thank you.

    @Kirako_Shima Just simple writing, first poem I have written in months, truth be told. Thank you for reading it and I am glad you loved it.
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

  8. #8
    Ruler of Fire ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac's Avatar
    Gil
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    Quote Originally Posted by ELR View Post
    @ultra_maniac Thank you, I shall fix that. But death does't rhyme well with said but I see what you are talking about.
    ya it does but the meaning becomes more special and gives grace to line.
    see rhyming is good thing but rhyming is not the only thing in poem.
    ya it would but pointless if the meaning of the poem is absurd and created just because it rhymes well.
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

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