Lost In A Trance

[Kaname Shikara]

A poem that is my most recent today. I hope everyone likes it ^^

Lost In A Trance

Lost in the world
No where to go
You think back
On everything thats happened

You contemplate the difference
But to no avail
You can't find the answer
All else has failed

To the end of time
And the beginning of dawn
When the moon shines bright
As does the sun

Lost in a trance
No where to run
Frozen in time
As the world moves on

No one cares
What happens now and then
The sky had fallen
Along with your heart

Everything is still
Nothing is moving
Time has stopped
So I'm still stuck

In this never ending trance

[Daken.]

Oh I like the flow of this poem, its good.

I think it would sound better without
"In this damn trance"

and maybe with something else there lol.

But thats just my opinon.
I love it, keep it up. Your poems are always enjoyable to read.

[Kaname Shikara]

Thank you for the comment ^^ I'm glad you like it it took me forever to post it because of my internet connection and then it goes and double posts it when I change one little thing >.< lol

[Kirei Shijin]

I really liked how the stanzas flowed. Especially how this one flowed:

"You contemplate the difference
But to no avail
You can't find the answer
All else has failed"

I agree with Novak though, replace the word damn with something else. It isn't that bad but I think you can find a more suitable word. Over all, you did a great job and I've noticed that your poetry keeps on getting better and better. Keep it up! *hug*

[Kaname Shikara]

Aww thank you that means a lot to me ) I didn't think I was getting any better at all lol *hugs tight*

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Ahh Kirako I'm sooooo proud of you. This is a great poem! You've really improved tremendously. Nice one

[Kaname Shikara]

Thank you it's all help from you guys ^^ seeing your awesome poems and getting feedback from you on mine has made me better maybe? I hope to get better ^^

[ELR]

Wow, I enjoyed reading it, I could feel what you meant in the poem even though a different emotion is used than what most people use. I do hope you keep writing, improve and write something that will blow peoples minds someday, my friend.

[Kaname Shikara]

Thank you for your great feedback ^^ I will keep writing