Stubborn Doubt

[Kirei Shijin]

Doubt
seaps through
my will to live

when one thing
ends the other
begins

thought i was finished
thought i was through
breathing is diminished
as my skin turns blue

i try to reach the surface
as i start to drown in thought
but i highly Doubt it's worth it
when it's my will that i have lost

once i am content
sadness is sure to strike
i cannot let
Doubt win the fight


second guessing
self defeat
my breaths are lessening
with every heart beat


no! i can't let this get the best of me
i'll ask Doubt to let me be
but it won't be so easy
Doubt is stubborn, he'll never leave.
　


He kills the mind
a little more each time
and before you know it
He won't have much of a mind to kill
you will lie there motionless
time will stand still.







*I am aware that some words aren't capitalized but there's a very important reason for that. Let's see if you can figure it out. ^^

[XxPantherChickxX]

That was amazing! I would love to read more of your work! ^-^

[Kirei Shijin]

Thank you. ^^ I have a whole lot more posted on this forum and will continue to do so.

[bee.]

is it because you're semi-trying the e.e. cummings style?

[XxPantherChickxX]

Yey! Keep it up!

[Kirei Shijin]

It's interesting that you brought that up, we slightly touched on that in my poetry class a few days ago. I guess that's part of it.

But really, the main reason why a few things are capitalized (He and Doubt) is because I personified Doubt and "he's" the most important part of this entire poem, without Doubt, this poem would be nothing.

[Kirei Shijin]

Thanks again, Pantherchick!

[*Tsuki*]

Ah, I didn't even notice that the H's were capitalized.
-_-
I just saw the D's. <_<
Oh well, it was great anyway! ^_^

[Kaname Shikara]

Wow that is one of your best. It flowed you did great

[SigmaSD]

I liked how the first short stanzas permeated as thoughts that would seep into the poem and then how the whole imagery in the end merges together to create one huge painting of emotion. I liked your word choice because it made your descriptions top notch. It kind of spoke to me.

[Kirei Shijin]

Ah, I didn't even notice that the H's were capitalized.
-_-
I just saw the D's. <_<
Oh well, it was great anyway! ^_^

Lol, thanks!
Sometimes you have to read something many times to see little details like that, at least that's what my poetry teachers told me.

[Kirei Shijin]

Wow that is one of your best. It flowed you did great

As always, thank you very much for the nice feedback! ^^

I liked how the first short stanzas permeated as thoughts that would seep into the poem and then how the whole imagery in the end merges together to create one huge painting of emotion. I liked your word choice because it made your descriptions top notch. It kind of spoke to me.

Thank you Sal. That was some great feedback you gave me, it keeps me wanting to write in the way that I do.

[ultra_maniac]

nice one awesome poem i really say this is one splendid poem

[[email protected]]

A different poem but the same powerful impact. It was extremely well done. The poem flowed extremely well. I especially love the rhymes and all the words fit perfectly into place. Your poems are also as always enlightening. I can always come away wiser after being immersed in your poems and that's what i especially love about all your poems. Its always subtle but not complex and its heartfelt and beautiful. I really enjoy reading your poems. It's like music but without sound. Did that make sense?

[Kirei Shijin]

A different poem but the same powerful impact. It was extremely well done. The poem flowed extremely well. I especially love the rhymes and all the words fit perfectly into place. Your poems are also as always enlightening. I can always come away wiser after being immersed in your poems and that's what i especially love about all your poems. Its always subtle but not complex and its heartfelt and beautiful. I really enjoy reading your poems. It's like music but without sound. Did that make sense?

Thank you! And, yes that definitely did make sense.

[Kirei Shijin]

A different poem but the same powerful impact. It was extremely well done. The poem flowed extremely well. I especially love the rhymes and all the words fit perfectly into place. Your poems are also as always enlightening. I can always come away wiser after being immersed in your poems and that's what i especially love about all your poems. Its always subtle but not complex and its heartfelt and beautiful. I really enjoy reading your poems. It's like music but without sound. Did that make sense?

nice one awesome poem i really say this is one splendid poem

Thanks!