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Thread: This feeling.

  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Gil
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    Default This feeling.

    I didn't know.
    Was it true or false?
    I didn't care.

    I could see.
    Was it cracking or being cracked?
    I could hear.
    Was it thumping or being thumped?
    I felt empty.
    Was my soul removed,
    or was I removing it?

    I knew.
    I see.
    I actually cared.

    It was being cracked open,
    It cracked like a mosaic piece sawed off.
    It was thumping,
    It made thumps like a wild drum.
    I removed my soul,
    before it grew wings that'd fly itself further than where I threw it away.

    I see blood.
    It is invisible,
    But I see it.
    It rushes.

    His innocence provokes me.
    Whatever he does, wherever he goes.
    What's this feeling, actually?
    He hurts my heart,
    messes with my soul,
    corrupts my brain,
    pierces my emotions.

    Oh I see.
    I may be provoked.
    Angry. Or jealous.
    Or raged.
    Or fed up.
    Or disappointed.
    But sad. And awed.
    And touched.
    __________________________________________________

    OMG this poem just seems out of place. Anyways, I need feedback. Thanks~

    EDIT: Afterword: Hey, I actually think that this persona can be somebody's parent/sibling/even lover. o_O
    Last edited by rikumi; 12-01-2009 at 12:39 PM.


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  2. #2
    Isolated ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    In a way, I guess you could say that it has both a dark and light feeling to it. And I see what you mean by it could be any of those, in a way, it could have been an animal as well. In a way, the poem itself flowed with something I can't describe at the moment. Do keep writing, my friend.
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

  3. #3
    The Terror of Death Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi has a reputation beyond repute Araragi's Avatar
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    ......its just what i needed in this moment... it has a lovely, but still dark touch on it.... my depressed and kinda bad mood has lighten up a bit... thanks... and keep writing


    - Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain, or live and fight your sorrow!
    - Life is but a passing dream, but the death that follows is eternal.



  4. #4
    つき *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki*'s Avatar
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    *nods* I like.
    Especially the ending. *thumbs up*
    Yes.

    Wow . . . lots of fragments.
    Anyway, I liked how different it is. It's fun to see the different ways people write on AF, and I like your very much! Keep on writing and I'll keep reading. ^_^

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