Tonight

[Kaname Shikara]

It's a poem I wrote in my Career Based Intervention class. I was done with the work that needed to be done so I wrote this....I hope you like it.

Tonight

When the day reaches it's end,
It's time to make amends.
Think about the time consumed,
As you shun away the room.

You enter the darkness
As you get enveloped in time.
You try to dream while wide awake,
But it all feels so fake.

The time wasted as you lie awake,
Could be a happier time to make.
The destruction from deep within,
Causes you not to win...

So, tonight when thinking about your past,
Just forget the horrid memories of last.
Remember happier times in your life,
Smile forever to shine your light.

[Alias-Revolution]

The only problem I see is the way it flows. The poem itself has a very somber tone, and seems quite sincere... Yet it seems to flow better when read at an up-beat pace. Other than that, great work.

[Kaname Shikara]

Oh >.< ok. Thanks ^^

[Jagan Eye]

I really like the message of your poem. The last line that says smile forever just puts me in a good mood. Smile oriented things are always nice. But then the deeper feeling behind it is pretty neat. Smiling to forget. Good job.

[Kaname Shikara]

Thank you very much

[Kirei Shijin]

This is your best. That first stanza is simply amazing! Overall it's great though. Great job, yet again.

[ultra_maniac]

The only problem I see is the way it flows. The poem itself has a very somber tone, and seems quite sincere... Yet it seems to flow better when read at an up-beat pace. Other than that, great work.

i don't agree with u on this the sober tone was the perfect for this poem as it is an intervention based and flow was perfect as per in poem the second gave the grace nice one with that

[Kaname Shikara]

Wow thank you very much

[Artcell]

Woah!Awesome poem!Keep writing because I would love to read more of yours!

[Kaname Shikara]

Aww thank you It makes me very happy to hear that. You guys have made my day

[Alias-Revolution]

i don't agree with u on this the sober tone was the perfect for this poem as it is an intervention based and flow was perfect as per in poem the second gave the grace nice one with that

Yes, the somber tone was great for portraying the author's thoughts. As far as the words themselves, yes, they flowed well but I still beleive it's better read at an up-beat pace, and that just doesn't work for the idea of the poem itself. Great tone, great flow, but I don't see it going over well in "Dot's Poetry Corner". Remember, it's just an opinion.

[Kaname Shikara]

I understand ^^