On this subject I am incapable of falsehood.

[Cless Alvein]

I like big butts.
On this subject I am incapable of falsehood.
When a woman with a comparatively small waist to her large posterior approaches, I become aroused.
I desire greatly to sit close to her, for I notice her trousers have much packing.
Titillated, I cannot turn away. My fair lass, I wish to court thee.
To wit, I wish to photograph you.
Although my associates rebuke me, your posterior sets fire within.
My lady, your skin is as fine Asian silk.
Consummate not upon my carriage, but mine own self.
I did see the dancing of them. Damn courtship, for she is base, dogged, and fine as an Arabian horse.
I tire of publications and their definition of beauty of things rearward.
For I say, take your average Moore and quest his thoughts on these things: she must have much stuff.
Hearken, my dear friends: does your lady of court have much stuff?

Aye!

Allow her to exhibit it thusly, for she has a desirous backside.
I desire them plump and curved.
When I set myself upon the stage I become as the basest dog.
This is my conversation, I declare.
My desire be to abscond to my own abode, and to play upon thy court.
I talk not of the rude man's publications, nor of his contrivances to enhance the countenance.
Such are frivolities, and are for a child's play things.
I desire that which is gorged and has much substance about it.
Seek out that which has the sweetest of juices; I shall fall prey to it.
I beg for it. I see paintings yonder of London streets having ladies of ill repute.
I seek them not.
I shall admire the women of arduous task in their stead.
Hearken, I pray you, women of much stuff: I wish to be with thee.
As well, I shall not bring strike against thee, as many men are wont to do.
Verilly, I must confess I desire to be with you for the night.
Indeed you have that which is desirous.
Sundry bellswaggarts hate my psalm, for they seek the navel of one for a short while only.
I shall not be so swift to depart for my strength is of repute, and I endure greatly.
Lasses, do you wish to accompany in my carriage?
I declare: turn about thyself and exhibit the posterior!
Forasmuch, even those of northern dragonlands shall say thusly unto you.
Verilly, the Times has no regard for the beauty of my courted, save she be of short stature.

For she doth ride in such pauper carriage and works trivially, as is fashion.
Fashion does not attract my feelings.
The animal within shall do nothing for those of little stuff.
Work the fields if thee so desire; I pray thee thou shalt not consume thy gorging.
For there are men among me who play the strong man who say thusly "Thy posterior is of little worth."
Indeed these men do leave alone their wives, yet I am quickened to love.
There be some periodicals that do say thou art slovenly.
Nay, I do not say such.
Thou may have not much girth, though thine flanks be desired.
Yea, I consider marriage.
For I declare, those of poor countenance, thou be not desirous in the land.
I desire a fair lady of beans, rice, and pork.
Yea, the fool and knave mock me greatly, for my adoration was shared.
He did strike blows upon her, and my wrath was great in his house.

Mesdames, be thine posterior shaped as of the cresent moon and you desire my company, seek out my name for it is great within the land.
Do such, and consider not knave and base desires, for thy hindmost portions be great.