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Thread: The Wrath of Ice

  1. #1
    Member TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default The Wrath of Ice

    I haven't written poetry in two years, but due to recent events, I just had to get this out of my head, and so this was created. If anyone could help me make this better, I'd be greatly appreciated. Thanks



    The Wrath of Ice
    By: TacticianMark

    Freezing
    Without feeling
    Imprisoned in ice
    At the bottom of the world

    Appearing
    You freed me
    Offering freedom
    By shining your light and warmth

    Awakening
    I see hope
    Breaking out of ice
    I reach out, accepting you

    Guiding
    You lead me
    Away from the cold
    At the bottom of the world

    Suddenly
    You vanish
    Just leaving me here
    Alone, in the frozen storm

    Disbelieving
    Iíve fallen
    Weakened, I call out
    In the hope of your return

    Searching
    I found you
    Shining in the dark
    I plead you, please stay with me

    Unhearing
    You fly away
    Leaving me in ice
    Confused, alone, and cold

    Agonizing
    Iím freezing
    The sky is weeping
    Iíve drowned in the cold and wind

    Drifting
    My heart aches
    Imprisoned again
    Frozen in the eternal storm
    "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright before you hear them speak."


  2. #2
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    Default

    Each stanza is very small, which is not a bad thing. I actually see some very good things in this poem. For example, nice flow. Keep it up =]

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    Default

    Same here. I liked the words you used.


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    Default

    This poems was unique because I've never seen a poem such as this. I didn't really like the style because it had so many abrupt ending of sentences, but you did get your point across in the work, and that is the most important thing. Good job.

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    Smile Pearlove Jewelry -- pearl wholesaler Online

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  6. #6
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    Default

    That was good. It has a unique style and stanzas rhyme. Emotion are expressed well too.


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