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Thread: Screaming!!

  1. #1
    Nanobyte's minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
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    Default Screaming!!

    I wrote this one last night. This is basically what was going on in my house, and it was really annoying. It's not very good, so I would really appreciate comments on how to fix it. I just wrote this down because I really wanted to express my annoyance with the situation.

    SCREAMING!!

    Screaming, Why the screaming?
    I don't want to hear this now.
    It's distressing; it's annoying.
    I just want to quit this house.

    The screaming isn't aimed at me,
    it's towards my sis and bro.
    Their voices; high amped decibals,
    are loud and start to grow.

    I've done nothing to deserve this,
    it's really quite unfair.
    Why should I have to listen?
    Why should I have to care?

    #I want to get away from it
    I want to find some peace
    I long for a calm escape
    A place thats just for me.

    # Courtesy of Rein*
    Last edited by SigmaSD; 12-05-2008 at 01:39 PM.

  2. #2
    Faded Existence Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein*'s Avatar
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    It was good. A little disheveled towards the end but it served its purpose well

  3. #3
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    I liked the poem Sigma, I thought it was fairly decent. I'll rate it as well if you want.

    8/10 = Good Job
    Nonon Jakuzure - Best Kill la Kill bae
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    Pretty damn great! #spoke2soon

  4. #4
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    95 percent good
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  5. #5
    Simple Truth CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce's Avatar
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    It really felt like you were screaming .
    Also, you probably have to scream to recite it , but in sense, it truly supported your title. Very descent, it's like you pour your frustation and anger into it, so it seems full of such emotions.
    Nice job !

    ....though the ending stanza could do some modification...
    "To do is to be" - Descartes, "To be is to do" - Voltaire, "Do be do be do" - Sinatra.

    NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY

  6. #6
    Nanobyte's minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lone_Sannin View Post
    ....though the ending stanza could do some modification...
    Yeah, I know. I couldn't think of a good way to finish it, so I just wrote down the first thing that came to my mind. It would really help me if someone gave me some suggestions on how to fix it.

  7. #7
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    I want to get away from it
    I want to find some peace
    I long for a calm escape
    A place thats just for me.



    Just off the top of my head. I think thi scould work but it still might need work.

  8. #8
    Nanobyte's minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rein* View Post
    I want to get away from it
    I want to find some peace
    I long for a calm escape
    A place thats just for me.



    Just off the top of my head. I think this could work but it still might need work.
    Thanks, that sounds really good. I'll change it.

  9. #9
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    Now it started to sound good , finally calming down at the end, a hope, an escape.
    However, the words "house" and "sis and bro" doesn't feel quite right . They may rhyme with the flow of poem but still doesn't feel that good , it might be better to replace them with other words but then again, just a suggestion. See ya!
    Last edited by CrystalAce; 12-06-2008 at 02:48 AM.
    "To do is to be" - Descartes, "To be is to do" - Voltaire, "Do be do be do" - Sinatra.

    NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY

  10. #10
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    heh, it kinda feels that way at my house at times as well. Although the screaming is coming from the birds and sometimes there's barking in their too. Whether it comes from the bird or the dog, it's hard to tell.

  11. #11
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    I quite liked this poem. It's structured worked out well and it's message was clear, and at the very same time I could see it happening. (More or less)

    Maybe a little trip through a thesaurus could give you a few more ideas for words, if you really think you could use some different ones.


    Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.


  12. #12
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    I loved the poem, meaning of real life, knowing a solution needs to be found, reminds me of when my father is home, my mother yelling at him for stuff and vice versa. I normally crank up my music and plug in my ear phones to ignore them or I leave for a while, even though the closest place to walk to is only three miles away. Even if those things don't work, try to ignore and read a book or draw. If you think it is necesarry then talk to them one on one, tell them how you feel, express how much it is annoying or hurting you. And maybe after you talk to them you can do a confrence with both of them. Keep writing what your heart is telling you to write, friend.
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

  13. #13
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    That was a pretty good poem.

  14. #14
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    its a really nice poem..
    i love it..
    nice work!
    ...really cool sig made by...Nespa... =]

  15. #15
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    Can i sugest too?

    "I want to get away from it
    To a place where the toughts
    As the way it comes
    Move my soul and free the spirit"

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