Original Fiction: The Ambercue Showgrounds Ch.1

[MoroDashi]

Chapter One.

Come to the showgrounds! An epic adventure! A children’s delight from left to right! It is rides galore! It is more than you are searching for! It is the place to be this fall! The spirit is free and nothing is better than a build in Rochelle’s Circus! Come to the newly restored Ambercue Showgrounds in Ambercue this fall!

Every child who heard this as they rode their petty bikes and walked their pooch-puppies past The Ambercue Showgrounds gasped in delight, and as soon as they could, dragged their parents along to come. Of course, Rochelle’s Circus was no ‘circus’ to the Adults. It was a Burlesque bar to where the parents could stay as the children went along to play. The children did not know that though. Rochelle’s Circus had come and gone to the town of Ambercue at least 15 times. Most children who saw the Circus had gotten tired of it and after 100 years of passed down mystery to the fearful abandoned Ambercue Showgrounds, every child in the small town of Ambercue wanted newer excitement. Hence, the newly opened showground could contain all excitement that the children could offer!

Just like any other child- Mary Petersons had too begged her parents to come to the Ambercue Showgrounds. Despite her cute, big puppy eyes- They resisted. “No, Mary. It is basically a feeding ground for kidnappers!” said Mrs. Kate Petersons, her voice high pitched and worried. “Your mothers right, Mary. It isn’t suitable for children like you. Besides, who would you go with?” Her Father, Mr. John Petersons agreed. His voice was deep and strong; with no trace of a high pitch what so ever. “Oh please ma, pa! I can go with... Uh...” Mary’s voice faded off into the distance. She looked up innocently.
“I thought so.” said Kate. “If you aren’t going with anyone then you shouldn’t go at all!”
“B-but mother!” whined Mary. “Can’t you go with me?” she asked.
“Me? To a showground?” interrupted John. “Mary- showgrounds are for adults. And if we were going to go we couldn’t come into the showground. We’d have to uh... stay at Rochelle’s Circus.” He said with a smug smile. Kate and John Petersons looked at each other and smiled. Every adult in town had received a letter about ‘Rochelle’s Circus’ and how it was really a burlesque bar. “Fine! If I find somebody to come with me will you let me go?” asked Mary. Kate looked down with a worried look on her face.
“Let us sleep on it, Mary.” She said. “Speaking of, isn’t it your bed time?” Mary nodded and quietly finished her supper and walked upstairs to her bedroom. Just before she jumped into bed, she looked outside her window to the Ambercue showgrounds. She smiled as the lights sparkled down and the grounds closed. She wafted to bed easily that night. Excitement made little girls as innocent as her quite tired...

[SigmaSD]

I thought it was interesting. But since it is chapter one, it should be focused more on imagery. You should really explain how the circus looks, and really describe the characters to give them depth.

[MoroDashi]

Yeah, I thought I should have explained Mary and her parents better. I'm going to do that when she wakes up to go to brekkie.
The circus, I want the readers to wait for the description till she goes there. Because it's supposed to be 'mystery' type..
Thanks =D

[wewet9609580]

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[MoroDashi]

Don't spam. Everyone hates it, wewet.

Thanks y'all ^^ I hope to write some in about a week. Since Summer Hols' start in Aus!