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  1. #1
    Senior Member Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Untitled

    I wasn't going to share this one but i don't know. Every time i re-read this tears come to my eyes. It's going to be hard to read the criticisms on something i wrote that has so much of my anguish in it. So much pain and questions have been jumbled into the two little stanzas below. I just got up one day last week and the pain was too much to bear so i wrote it down. I feel like i'm going to go mad just typing this right now. My head feels like it's going to explode at the injustice in the world. Why some and not others?!



    Liquids pools of chocolate crystal, dark as hell
    Seeing you as nothing more, than a lost and empty shell.
    I look into your eyes and there is nothing there.
    Are you even aware of the fact that there is someone who cares?
    If you were given the chance to just lay down and die,
    would you give up hope and not give life a try?
    If we tried a little bit harder, could we ever get you back?
    Could our love release you from the devil's attack?
    Will it ever be enough, just to have tyou this way?
    Will there ever be an answer for all the prayers that we'll pray?

    Maybe it would be better just to let you go.
    Release your soul up to heaven, to the only one who'd know,
    How to end all your sorrows, and to chase away your tear.
    To chase away the shadows, That are feasting on your fear.
    We are mere humans who may never truly understand,
    Why this happened to you. What was HIS master plan?
    The fool sees the bend but doesn't look beyond it.


  2. #2
    Faded Existence Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein*'s Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    Another good use of emotion. a few typographical errors "tyou" and "Liquids"

  3. #3
    Junior Member TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon has a reputation beyond repute TwinxMoon's Avatar
    Gil
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    the poem has a good rhyme and have emotion to it.

    AoiOokami - EuphRO
    I thank Xieshunnuan~san for the sig^.^

    ~Family~

    My Older Angel Sister~ KagomeAsakura Onee-sama
    My Older Kind Sister~ Miss Chii Motosuwa Onee-sama
    My Kitsune Brother~ Xieshunnuan-san
    My Nee-chan~ aka-ba-ra-hana-wabi-ra-chan

  4. #4
    Senior Member Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince's Avatar
    Gil
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    Fantastic peice here. Filled with randomy reference and stifiled thoughts. Makes you really view the world from a different angle.

    You are extremly talented.

    Respect.

    -Prince
    Fascinated by the rain, influenced by the wind. Adventure for fun.

  5. #5
    Nanobyte's minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
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    You have proven once again what a great writer you are. Nice flow and structure. I could feel a sense of frustration, not being able to help that person in pain. I feel for you. Very good poem indeed.

  6. #6
    Junior Member yutrero312 is infamous around these parts yutrero312 is infamous around these parts yutrero312's Avatar
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    Arrow Happiness

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