Angry & Upset (trying to cope, LANGUAGE ALERT)

[Saiyan Destroyer]

WARNING: THERE IS A TON OF SWEARING IN THIS POST. CLICK BACK IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ IT.










Around this time last year, my father for the third time in his life had a tumor on his neck near his thyroid. We got kicked out of our house in Pittsburgh (one of the first to lose their house to Bush) and had to seperate. While my father & mother were up here in Massachusetts, my father saw a doctor and that tumor went into remission. Then he got another in his knee, then another right behind his right ear. He's been on chemo therapy almost a year now.

Now fast foward a little bit. The tumor on his neck doesn't really change in size, just shrinks a little. He's been going through chemotherapy since August of last year, the cancer in his neck is now beyond hope. He has a few weeks left and I AM ****ING PISSED OFF BEYOND ALL DAMN BELIEF. I don't give a **** how many I swear damnit. I' ****ing pissed off. Life was FINALLY looking good for my family for once, and this has to happen. My father has a few weeks left to live. Now, it's upto me and my mom to get all our papers togher with dates and so forth so we can talk to a doctor attorny and see if we got anything. He had a power port that got infected back in January or December. He was told that the cancer has gone into remission.

I'm sure there are other malpractice things that happened to my dad. Me and my mom gotta get everything in order. I know they want to feed him through his mouth, but he'll likely get amonia (SP?) which would be bad and give him about 2 weeks to live. But if they put a feedin tube in, it'll give him 4 weeks to live. Not much I know. Right now his SSDI is helping us pay our rent. Hopefully my cold aunt & uncle will see this as a cry for help and actually help their dying baby brother. Otherwise I know exactly how cold my so called "family" is. I already called my sister and she's in tears. The real ***** there is she just got into college. We were so proud of her. I know she can do it. She has to. I on the other hand, probably cannot goto school now. I'll try and find an electrican school or union taking apprentice ships and hope for the best there. Gotta call my older sister and tell her the news.

There are tims I feel God is out to attack us. But I KNOW that's not true. I KNOW no matter how much me and my family **** up, God LOVES us. Jesus LOVES us. No matter how bad we are. I'm always trying to repent for my sins. I just hope my fathers soul can be saved. I hope I can afford the Greek Orthadox burial he DESERVES. This just really sucks. My parents celebrated 25 years of marriage too, and if I'm doing my math right, he'll die around my birthday. Which will forever make my birthday suck badly for me.

I don't know, I need someone to talk to. Someone to chat with. I need to get this off my chest. I just feel TERRIBLE like somehow it's all my fault. I'm not going to hurt myself or pull my name (I REALLY want to change my name BADLY) by killing my mother so my father and mother can be togher forever then take out myself. I'm just feeling down right TERRIBLE. My IM names are...

Aol IM: RealGateGuardian
Yahoo IM: darkmagicianinyourhand
MSN: ****[email protected] or Push Push Lady Lightning

Please, someone say something either here or on IM. I'll answer you. Has anyone else faced this problem or is facing. Mods I'm SUPER sorry for the language, and if you edit this post to remove the language, I'll completely understand. I do appologize again for the language. I normally don't do this on a forum inhabitted by children, but this is the first. Show me some mercy.

[Sagat]

Chris,

Go ahead and add me on MSNif you want: [email protected] I won't be on right now but I will be in a while if you want to talk then

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Thanks, also my name isn't Chris (second reason I should change my name) it's Phil, and I've added you. Thanks.

[Amray The II]

Sorry, this kind of thing has never happened to me, so I apologize if what I say sounds silly.

I am sorry you and your family had to go through something this tragic, your family members, such as your sister, seem to have everything going for them. As she has just went through college and all. I would not know but it must be hard to cope with something like that.

First of all I am going to say this. "Do not blame yourself for this". This was by no accounts your fault. Cancerous infections and such are caused by many different things. It is when the cells in a certain part of your body dies, and I think I am right in assuming that you have no hand in that, as it is impossible. I have read your post and absolutely none of it comes down to being in your hands, you are guilty of nothing.

Furthermore, you and your mother dying after him is something that I am sure your father would detest. If I were to die I would want my family to live on for me instead of die for my sake. You should fight through life and show him and also yourself that you can beat it and cope. So your decison on not wanting to commit to something like that was right.

The only thing you should try hard at doing at this moment in time is looking after you mother and father as best as you can. They will need a lot of help to get through this, as will you. So just stick together and something should come up. No one is punishing you, you know.

I hope that things will turn out well for you in the future. As I say, I have no idea as I have never experienced such things, but still...

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Kajiwara I'm doing what i can. I'm physically ILL with how sick I am at that hospital for ****ing up my dad. I'm STILL crying over the fact my dad has between two and four weeks left to live. I do understand what you're saying. I'm just so sick that my father will never see me married. We won't go and see another concert togher. We won't get to got another amusement park and I know he loves those. My father has been out of work for almost 2 years, and I KNOW he feels terrible about that.

I personally feel I've failed my father in so many ways. I don't have a GF because I have no spine to talk to a woman I find cute. If I ever get married, he won't be there to see me off or meet my wife or his grandchildren from me. I'm physically ill with how much this whole situation disgusts me.

[Amray The II]

Oh I see. Well, it does not matter of you are too nervous to confront girls, that is just the way you are. By the sounds of it your dad loves you for who you are. I can imagine how terrible it must be knowing he may not be in your future, but I am afraid all I can do is imagine what it must be like. I would be scared too although I hardly ever get to see my father at all so I am in a totally different siuation.

I felt sick when I lost family members. My grandfather died on my sixth birthday, although back then I did not know what death was so I spent the whole day being happy and laughing..which I feel guilty for now when I look back on it. My other family members were crying around me yet I had no idea why. Now when I look back I can still see what a gloomy and horrible day that it was. Every year on my birthday now is a day when my mother and my aunties go to the grave yard to give him flowers. I try not to think about it so horribly though. I believe their is an afterlife.

I guess I was only trying to say something nice but it didn't work as I have no experience. Sorry.

All my luck goes out to you though.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

It isn't "not may be" he WILL NOT BE in my future, and it sucks dick honestly. I'm physically ill with this whole situation honestly. It's okay, Understand what you're trying to do. I just wish my feelings would go numb for a little bit so I don't feel so bad.

[Diocletian]

Even Bison is being nice.
Feel free to PM.I'm on all day.
My condolences.I'm not very good at niceties either.

[Sagat]

You are not allowed to swear and curse in the forums -_- read the rules and take a chill pill, or go express your anger somewhere else.
So,it might just be closed.

Piss off with your faux-moderating, since last time I checked, you aren't one. The guy stands to lose his father, cut him some slack.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Thank guys, I really appreciate this.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Some people can be pieces of crap. I know that. I'm dropping him a negative feedback

[Sanosuke23]

Damn, I'm sorry to hear all that. I get home from work in like three hours, I'll get on AIM then if you still need to talk man.

Just seriously don't do anything irreversable in response to the situation. I'm sure the last thing your father would want you to do is mess up the rest of the life he helped to give you.

My condolences.


EDIT: I just wanted to give thanks to the staff responsible for Misc. for not only letting this stay but keeping it troll- and obnoxious poster-free.

[Mmmmmmmmmm]

EDIT: Sorry for your lost. My great grandfather actually passes away in 06, from old age, and it was the complete opposite. I feel bad for not really knowing him, and then right as he died, I was kicking myself in the butt. Don't be so bummed out about it, make it the best two weeks left possible. I know it hurts, just DON'T blame it on yourself for you had nothing to do about it.[/COLOR]

[Twig Ee]

Im greek orthadox to and i am sympathetic. Ive had to go through alot of crap in my life as well. Im sorry. AIM me Aljr56

[Jose]

I'm sorry about that.


If you need anyone to talk to view my profile i have every IM that I know of o_O I'll be here we can talk, I also lost some family members not too long ago.


Yahoo-boredboy101
Skype-jose_1011 or [email protected]
[email protected]
AIM-hyperjose101


we can also PM, email, myspace and such.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Vengence is mine sayeth the lord. I'm not seeking reprecussions for him. I left him his negative feedback. That's all I want on him, just my one negative feedback. Yes, he deserves more. But I don't seek vengence. It won't garantee my fathers' life. That's why I don't seek vegence on him. I'm turning the other cheek for once, like Jesus told me. Believe it or not, I am a spiritual person. It may not always be dominant, but I am religious.

Me and my dad have bonded over the years. I think it started in 1993 when I went on a fishing trip with him, his buddy Jimmy from work and his two daughters. Great father/son bonding trip. Me and my dad haven't always done things we liked that the other one did. But I know we still had good times at 6 Flags, Roger Waters, Billy Joel, WWE House Show or Chaotic Wrestling. I can't stress this enough to you kids out there.

Take it from a man who is going to lose his father soon. I know our fathers are jerks, and sometimes real mean. Unless you father did something absolutely terrible like rape you or kill your someone. There's no reason to get close with him. You never know if you father has cancer that's growing in him. You'll never know if your father will be alive tomorrow or not. Be on good terms with him when you sleep. Don't make him mad and lose connection with him. You father will be proud of you, even if you do royally pee him off. You'll have to do something truely unforgivable to make him not love you. But your father will always love you. He's not goign to be there forever, hopefully you're my fathers age when he lost his parents and you're no my age when I lose mine.

I know some of that is cliche. But's really serious. I'm praying to God that a miracle happens and the cancer goes into remission.

[Masali]

Hey!

Your name's Phil too!

Edit: Kind of forgot to add something. Like...y'know, a post reflecting that I do indeed have a soul.

I feel for you man, I really do. And I'd definitely talk to you if you so desired. I'm [email protected]. Good luck, man.

[Capernicus]

Wow, I'm surprised to see that the Misc Mods have allowed this and even edited out the rude posters. I never liked you Chris Benoit, you were a bit of a jerk and smart guy if I remember correctly, but I understand loss. My father and I have never been close, my parents divorced when I was very young, so I can't know exactly what you're going through. My condolences.

Chin up, I can't ask cute girls out either.

[Gjallarhorn]

Contact me anytime, dude.

[email protected] for WindowsLiveMessenger.

Also, if your location is right, "Lowell, MA", I go to school in Lowell, and I'll be up there again starting in september, if you want to go out for a pizza or something. O_o (Supa's makes a good one).

[International 4-8818]

There are tims I feel God is out to attack us. But I KNOW that's not true. I KNOW no matter how much me and my family **** up, God LOVES us. Jesus LOVES us. No matter how bad we are. I'm always trying to repent for my sins. I just hope my fathers soul can be saved. I hope I can afford the Greek Orthadox burial he DESERVES. This just really sucks. My parents celebrated 25 years of marriage too, and if I'm doing my math right, he'll die around my birthday. Which will forever make my birthday suck badly for me.

Dude, being serious here, you are awesome. This made me happy for you that in all this crap you are going through and yet you do not push god away. You are awesome man. It is good to have a strong faith in the dark of life. He will lead you into the good. Just hang in there man. if you need to talk i have gtalk Add me [email protected]

[MissAstaire]

Hey, I'm not going to say I'm sorry or that everything happens for the best because I have friends who went through this stuff and they hated it. I just wanted to let you know that I will pray for you. I hope you do not mind. If ever you would like to talk, just IM or email me at:

[email protected] / aim
[email protected] / yim
[email protected] / msn
[email protected] / google chat

I am always on one of them, so whenever you want or need to talk, it can be about anything, feel free to contact me...

Cherish the moments you all have together...

Edit: I'm there with International 4-8818. I saw that you said that and I was so... just wowed. I wish that some of the people I know in this situation had that same attitude. They would have come out much better for it, as will you. Keep to that frame of mind! It will help you in the long run!

[Eikoseisui]

I don't really know you at all, but I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. I went through a similar situation last month with my grandfather, and I will always regret not spending enough time with him before he died. Be sure to spend as much time as you can with your father, and keep your faith strong.

I'll be praying for you, your father, and the rest of your family. If you ever want to talk, my MSN is [email protected]

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Cap: Well, I rub people the wrong way all the time. It's something about me, and about the person I rub wrong. I can't please them all the time, I'm bound to make someone mad. I've never had a real problem with you. But thanks for your words, I'm glad I'm not alone on the girl part.

Xero: Yeah sure, sounds fine. My father may be alive, may not. Not sure, Hopefully is, if not yeah Pizza does sound like a fun idea.

Inter: I know some peopel would push away from God and curse his name, but I don't. I know there is a master plan. The plan sure as hell baffels me beyond ALL belief. I trust the Lord. I know he has something planned for my dad. He's not a bad man. He's never killed a man, never cursed Gods name (taken in vain yes, everyone does it, I definately do it but I don't curse him), never chated on my mother. Never did anything that would damn his soul. I guess I'm just being greedy. His pain & suffering is ending, but mine is beginning/continuing, and I want him to lie but that is both greedy and continuing his pain. I don't know, I want him to be alive a bit longger as his SSDI does help with rent (i'm the only person working), but I don't want him in pain. Maybe I am a horrible person for the SSDI comment and deserve to be misserable, lonely and lose my father. Maybe not.

To everyone who has left their IM contact info. I'll try and contact you in the upcomming days.

I plan to keep everyone updated as more news developes.

[International 4-8818]

Inter: I know some peopel would push away from God and curse his name, but I don't. I know there is a master plan. The plan sure as hell baffels me beyond ALL belief. I trust the Lord. I know he has something planned for my dad. He's not a bad man. He's never killed a man, never cursed Gods name (taken in vain yes, everyone does it, I definately do it but I don't curse him), never chated on my mother. Never did anything that would damn his soul. I guess I'm just being greedy. His pain & suffering is ending, but mine is beginning/continuing, and I want him to lie but that is both greedy and continuing his pain. I don't know, I want him to be alive a bit longger as his SSDI does help with rent (i'm the only person working), but I don't want him in pain. Maybe I am a horrible person for the SSDI comment and deserve to be misserable, lonely and lose my father. Maybe not.

I suggest you read or just take a gander at the book of job. Helped me through hard times.

[TheAsterisk!]

Well, I won't pretend I can identify completely, but I can imagine what you're going through. Back when I was in grade school, my family found out my mom had a whole mess of brain tumors. They weren't malignant, but there was a time when there were four separate doctors and surgeons telling us she would probably end up pretty much brain dead. That went on for three years, but I never had to deal with her imminent death. I'm lucky enough that it never happened. It all made me understand that there is only so much time to spend with people you care about, and even though she and the rest my family annoy me to no end, I can't really ever bring myself to end anything on a negative note with any of my family.
I really don't think I can express how sorry I am for you and your mother and sister. I don't know you too well, but you seem like a decent guy, and this shouldn't have to happen to anyone. I won't be on much longer tonight or early tomorrow and I don't have any IM service, but later you can PM if you want. Anything I can do to help I'm open to. Live each day as best you can manage, and try to not blame yourself for any of this. It sounds like you two had at least some good times together.

And don't worry about being too shy to talk to girls too much. I'm shy in that departemnt, too, and I often repel them accidentally.

Hang in there. If I can help at all, let me know.