Digimon - Itsuka no Iro

[Rizuchan]

http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/dig...tsukanoiro.htm
First off I'd like to apologize, I know I posted a correction for this a few months ago, but I don't feel like it got the attention it deserved and I think it will now.
Well, here goes nothing. The first listed are the original and the second following with ">" are my translation. I'll just do Japanese lyrics in romaji because I don't have support for Japanese characters on this computer.

A good child wouldn't be chasing the feelings of a lost and stray child,
would he?
Every morning, people seem to see my color a little differently.

> I am pursuing the feelings of a lost child
So I'm not a good child; Tomorrow morning
Everyone will see my color
a bit differently, right?

Mostly just some phrasing differences here; admittedly I'm not 100% sure I'm handling "inakucha" correctly. The translator here for whatever reason seems to translate "Ashita no asa" as "Every morning"

Other people are coming, while others tear the star's month.
We would like to tell someone the throbbing story of a smiling dream.

>The star's glittering tears, the moon's wavering, perfectly round smile
And a dream's heart pounding story are legends I want to tell someone

The original translator seemed to totally miss the onomatopoeia for who knows what.

But when? Why? Why?
God bless, a woman's child is obedient and domesticated in a roundabout way.
Teachings, lessons, love doesn't work that way,
We like to see everyone to be as sweet like chocolate
Bear the future that's ahead of us, we would like to know the truth.

>But when, and why? Why is it?
A girl becomes obedient in such a roundabout way
Teach me, Teach me, I have to love too
And things will seem as sweet as chocolate
In the clear future, I want to know that truth

The translator misinterprets both "Onna no ko" and "shitari" as "A woman's child" and "God bless" respectively, gets the meaning of "shinakya" wrong, and misses the adjective "clear".

Sometimes, we like it when we stand on our tip-toes just a little bit
I wonder, is that lovely shank alright?
The color of my heart spins around and around;
Where does it stop?

>Sometimes I want to stretch out a bit
I'd sulk cutely, but is that okay?
Round and round, the colors of my heart swirl
I wonder where they'll go?

It would most certainly be wrong to make fun of someone's mistranslation but... I have to admit, "is that lovely shank alright?" has to be one of the more amusing ones I've seen.

Things change when the cloud's light and airy shoes help it flutter and get
sucked up into the sky,
Making the wind blow of the dusty door.

>If the cloud's airy shoes are inhaled by the fluttering sky
The wind rustles and a door opens, I wonder if it would change things...

Not too off on this one, but they miss the -tara suffix along with "kashira"

Even thought you can't really say,
Are you able to feel the love and the strange pain
Ocurring on your chest?
It's not impossible to grasp the future all by yourself.

>But now, I can't say, I can't say,
The secrets of my heart, awakening, rousing a mysterious pain
Show me, show me, What is "love"?
By myself I could never completely grasp something as large as the future

This is one case where things NEED to be translated line by line.
And yes, it is impossible to grasp the future by yourself. ^_~

While still searching, hang on to the present.
Maybe sometime in the furture,
We will meet the color of someday.

>I'm searching, searching, for my color
The present is blocked in my heart
So I can meet the clear future someday

They really wanted to use the title of the song in their translation, I guess, but it never says "Itsuka no Iro" in the song, so "We will meet the color of someday" is just wrong. They also miss the adjective "toumei", "clear" again.

So, here's my entire translation:

I am pursuing the feelings of a lost child
So I'm not a good child; Tomorrow morning
Everyone will see my color
a bit differently, right?

The star's glittering tears, the moon's wavering, perfectly round smile
And a dream's heart pounding story are legends I want to tell someone

But when, and why? Why is it?
A girl becomes obedient in such a roundabout way
Teach me, Teach me, I have to love too
And things will seem as sweet as chocolate
In the clear future, I want to know that truth

Sometimes I want to stretch out a bit
I'd sulk cutely, but is that okay?
Round and round, the colors of my heart swirl
I wonder where they'll go?

If the cloud's airy shoes are inhaled by the fluttering sky
The wind rustles and a door opens, I wonder if it would change things...

But now, I can't say, I can't say,
The secrets of my heart, awakening, rousing a mysterious pain
Show me, show me, What is "love"?
By myself I could never completely grasp something as large as the future

I'm searching, searching, for my color
The present is blocked in my heart
So I can meet the clear future someday

[AzureDark]

mmm...
(v1)
-nakucha is from 'nakute wa (ikenai)' so, it'll say
I need to be a good child[...]
Also, I think you missed the 'no ni' in the last line, which is "even though" needs to be put somewhere.

(c1?)
'-tari -tari (suru)', while it's not as synchronous as '-nagara' is still not as sequential as -te kara, sequential -tara or even -te, plain.
Girls go in circles as they become docile

(b2)
Last line, 'kaze' is still the subject that's "changing", especially since the -te in 'DOA wo akete' continues the sentence.
[...]opens, and maybe it could change

(c3?)
'kikasete' is "lemme hear". That's probably poetic license you used there but mmm well, you're throwing out the literal point to me.
Tell me tell me, what's love?
and... mmm I dunno. it's not [(tsukamechau)mirai] but the entire [(ookina koto tsukamechau)mirai] to me. (aux sentence in brackets)
A future of seizing a huge something - I can't do that alone

(c4)
It can't be "meet the clear future" because the previous line ends in 'wa', (that line can't also be reverse-order sentence structure since all the previous lines aren't one full sentence), the missing particle is 'de' after 'mirai'.
I will someday meet(/recieve?), in the clear future,
The present buried inside my heart

[Rizuchan]

Alright, I've fixed it up a bit.

(v1)

I am pursuing the feelings of a lost child
So I need to be a good child, even though tomorrow morning
Everyone will see my color
a bit differently, right?

That feels so much better it's amazing.

(c1)

Girls become obedient, taking roundabout ways

Is that any better? I kept the 'roundabout way' part because I've always heard "toomawari shite" used as "to take the long way" or "to take a roundabout way" so that's what it's always meant to me.

(b2)

If the cloud's airy shoes are inhaled by the fluttering sky
And the wind rustles and a door opens, maybe it would change...

Like that?

(c3)

Tell me, tell me, What is "love"?
A future of grasping something large, I can't do it on my own

(c4)

So the present blocked in my heart
I can meet in the clear future someday

[AzureDark]

OK, hope you don't mind that -small- change, and I've also corrected the crediting.

...which, along with that huge YYH correction thread, made me realise something very grave about the current site...

[Rizuchan]

Thanks! I'm sure this all must be a ton of work, but it's really great to see the site getting cleaned up. ^-^