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Thread: The End

  1. #1
    Junior Member remi is on a distinguished road remi's Avatar
    Gil
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    Wink The End

    This confusion pushes me to end it.
    This confusion's ripping me apart.
    Why can't you just care about me?
    Why can't you just stay?

    I need you in my life badly
    Because without you I will die.
    I need you here with your arms around me.
    Please hold me while I cry.

    The end is near, I can feel it.
    I know what you'll tell me next.
    "It's over between us." You can say it.
    I'm ready for the test.

    Would I pass it? Would I die?
    I'd never know until you speak.
    Would you care or just stand there?
    I only know I'm weak.




    Please please please, offer some constructive criticism! This is my first ever poem, and I really will appreciate some comments, good and bad!

  2. #2
    Member -Blackfire- is a splendid one to behold -Blackfire- is a splendid one to behold -Blackfire- is a splendid one to behold -Blackfire- is a splendid one to behold -Blackfire- is a splendid one to behold -Blackfire- is a splendid one to behold -Blackfire- is a splendid one to behold -Blackfire-'s Avatar
    Gil
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    Intense feeling. I can see that you meant every single word in this poem, and it came out of your heart.
    The questions emphasize the confusion like you state in the first stanza, and the subject keeps up.
    Good work, i'd love to see more!

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