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Thread: Is It Wrong

  1. #1
    Senior Member niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Is It Wrong

    Is it wrong to want to feel needed?
    Is it wrong to want to be wanted?

    I only wanted to be loved,
    but now I want to be dead.

    How many times have I pushed through with no reason?
    How many times must I give to recieve?

    I know life isn't always pleasin,
    everytime another begins to leave.

    But the one who can't leave this life,
    a life of pain and suffering is me,
    through all of its plythe,
    I somehow stay from being deceased,

    I only wanted to be held,
    but now I wished I'd swallowed lead,

    I'd want to be an animal tossed in a cage, jailed,
    than be an intelligent brain inside of a head.

    Is it wrong to want to feel necessary?
    Is it wrong to want to feel like you belong?

    I'd hope there be more to life but contrary,
    maybe this is why humans don't live long...
    maybe this is why humans don't long to live...

    Because everything has a shelf-life,
    whether it be family or friends,
    things you love.
    or enemies or fiends,
    things you loathe.

    Everything ends,
    and if it didn't end badly,
    nothing would end at all.

    Whether it be trends,
    maybe even bodily,
    everything must fall.

    Everything must fall...

    ---------------------------
    Author's Note:
    niKopol

    loboKie
    ayy dyxlesia!




  2. #2
    Senior Member Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    This fits perfectly with my depressed mood. Good job! I have a few suggestions...

    The second line /Is it wrong to want to be wanted?/ I don't really like want followed by wanted here. how about: /Is it wrong to feel unwanted?/ It seems to fit with your first line as well.
    Nøytral
    følelsesløs
    Min logikk kretser
    Blir skadet
    Ved en landeplage av følelser!
    Hva kan jeg gjøre?
    Alt jeg trodde jeg var ...
    Jeg er blitt mer.
    Mer menneske; et annet cog i maskinen av livet.
    Hvorfor kan jeg nyte dette?
    Jeg er så forvirret ...

  3. #3
    Senior Member niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol has a reputation beyond repute niKopol's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    I just went on a whim when I wrote this, and felt like having sentences that were similar except for the end peice of the sentence. So its kinda stuck there and it doesn't really change the meaning of that line. And your version kinda throws the beat off.
    niKopol

    loboKie
    ayy dyxlesia!




  4. #4
    Walking TaLL Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    nice
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