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Thread: it was just a small cut

  1. #1
    AF's moxy foxy furry gal vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default it was just a small cut

    I knew I shouldn’t but it helped
    It was just a small cut

    My dog got sick I loved her so much I got sad
    It was just a small cut

    Me and my friend got into a fight I went home mad
    It was just a small cut

    got a bad grade and I worked so hard I felt stressed
    It was just a small cut

    I knew I had a problem but I wouldn’t admit it

    My mom and me kept fighting we just never stopped I became angry
    It was just a few cuts

    My friends were all leaving me they said id changed I became depressed
    It was just a few cuts

    My grades were slipping the teachers were mad I became overwhelmed
    It was just a few cuts

    I couldn’t take it anymore so I killed the pain
    It was just a few cuts

    Woke up in the hospital I had lost a lot of blood I barely pulled through
    It was just a small cut

    ---------------------------------------

    im just working on it i wuold like some feed back i want to improve it its kinda i true story....so uh plz post

    Last edited by vixen_wolf; 09-20-2007 at 03:10 PM.
    im a proud furry =3 you dun like it? kiss muh furry but!! D:<

    --my wolf pack-

    *is under construction*




  2. #2
    My love has come. Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    I think its pretty good but theres somthing not right about it. But its really good in my opinion. I just cant find out what there is wrong..hmm..well...Good job keep up the good work youll be get better.


    Funny how? Funny like a clown? Do I amuse you?


  3. #3
    AF's moxy foxy furry gal vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf's Avatar
    Gil
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    yeah i know but i cant figure it out ethier...thats why i posted it
    im a proud furry =3 you dun like it? kiss muh furry but!! D:<

    --my wolf pack-

    *is under construction*




  4. #4
    Senior Member Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    It's good. Maybe you could explain your feelings a little bit further instead of exausting the use of your anaphora. But it's very good though.
    Shinjitsu no uta wa konno mune ni nagare.




  5. #5
    AF's moxy foxy furry gal vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf's Avatar
    Gil
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    oh you mean like my "dog got sick i loved here so much and was afraid to lose her i wanted to cry" that sorta thing??
    im a proud furry =3 you dun like it? kiss muh furry but!! D:<

    --my wolf pack-

    *is under construction*




  6. #6
    Senior Member Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96 has a reputation beyond repute Kalt96's Avatar
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    Default

    Nop. What I mean is that you could provide the poem with more feelings that you have instead of exausting your anaphora
    It was just a small cut/It was just a few cuts
    . My personal recomendation would be to try to writte more verses in a paragraph, like 4 or 5 if you want, so that you could relate more feelings to the "cutting part".

  7. #7
    Senior Member Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna's Avatar
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    i loved how the meaning of the repitition changed, got deeper, and more personal throughout the poem

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  8. #8
    Member DemonicRay is a glorious beacon of light DemonicRay is a glorious beacon of light DemonicRay is a glorious beacon of light DemonicRay is a glorious beacon of light DemonicRay is a glorious beacon of light DemonicRay is a glorious beacon of light DemonicRay's Avatar
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    This is pretty good.. ^^ but sounded pretty emo in the start..

    Hmm... it's nice nicely done ^^ good job and keep up the good work,...

  9. #9
    AF's moxy foxy furry gal vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf has a reputation beyond repute vixen_wolf's Avatar
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    wow im glad im getting so much suport....gah emo >.< i hate that word but thnx
    im a proud furry =3 you dun like it? kiss muh furry but!! D:<

    --my wolf pack-

    *is under construction*




  10. #10
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    I can't believe I had to delete two posts here. I thought this problem was resolved, but I stand corrected.

    "It was good" "Great" "it rox!!11" Are NOT allowed and will be deleted. It will also take away from your post count.

    Just another side-note, in the poetry section, you don't label poems with the "Poem:[title]", you just put the name of the poem.
    Sig by -Ookami-, thank you Ookami!

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    http://www.animeforum.com/showthread.php?t=94454

  11. #11
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
    Gil
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    I really liked this. It reminds me of the poems I used to write when I was a cutter. Sometimes it's best to write other than do. I don't care what anyone says, I'll always love reading these kinds of poems. The ones with raw emotion. These are always some of the most powerful ones I've ever read.
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


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