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Thread: expressions of the moment..

  1. #1
    Senior Member *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo*'s Avatar
    Gil
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    Post expressions of the moment..

    she shivers in the night with memories
    of his warmth. his breath on her
    cheek, as he whispers in her ear, the sweet
    nothings of love, she longs to hear.

    surrouned in sorrow she cries no
    tears. theyve all dried out from these nights
    of loneliness. though she waits
    for sunny days, of a love rekindled.
    closeing her eyes, she hears his voice,
    as if heavens bells have been gently jiggled.

    for now her days remain forever in the dark.
    she can only see light in the dreams
    she shares alone. hideing
    behind laughs and manufactured smiles,
    she fools world from her
    heartache of miles.




    wow..for that being off the top of my head..i think its pretty decent. *pats self on back*
    Last edited by *Lady_Kikyo*; 09-02-2007 at 10:59 PM. Reason: doh!

  2. #2
    My love has come. Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86's Avatar
    Gil
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    I think its wonderful. It sounds so beautiful. Great job keep up the goodwork i wanna see more!!!!


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  3. #3
    Senior Member *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo*'s Avatar
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    thanks i sincerely appriciate it

  4. #4
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
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    That was pretty good. It gave me a couple strong visuals while reading it, like a window open with the curtains blowing, and looking longingly out them. VERY well done
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


  5. #5
    Senior Member *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo*'s Avatar
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    well thank you..that seriously means A LOT coming from you ^.<

  6. #6
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    My problems with this poem are mainly about personal preference, so I won't even go into that.

    My OTHER issue is that the organization is pretty weird. Some seemingly single phrases spanned out between two lines or more, then mixed with something else that did the same thing. Kinda threw me off.

    Aside from that and my personal preference for poetry, wasn't half bad.
    Sig by -Ookami-, thank you Ookami!

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  7. #7
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    Gil
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    You have some good lines in there, I liked the "she hears his voice,
    as if heavens bells have been gently jiggled. "
    And in the first line "she shivers in the night with memories of his warmth" Those were the ones that stood out to me the most.

    Some of your lines seem to suffer for the sake of rhyming, which is fine for now but I would suggest playing with your word choice a little more, maybe rewording some parts to make it flow better.

    And spelling/grammar errors are easy to fix, so I wont comment on that.

    Good job.


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  8. #8
    Senior Member *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo* has a reputation beyond repute *Lady_Kikyo*'s Avatar
    Gil
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    lol yeah im horrible when to comes to spelling..i just refuse to download the software it asks me for when i click on the icon.. >.>

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