Women's rules about Men's Rules that Women need to learn

[Raindrops_on_Roses]

Womens rules ABOUT Mens rules that women need to learn.
1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat.-No if its at MY house YOU put it down!

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!-Uh..Yea they are..Women love gifts and any holiday that comes up is a great day for presents

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.-Well, we want to be thought of when your not undressing us with your eyes..so think of us at church...no naughtiness

4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.-Fine but Isn't it wierd that guys like to watch other guys tackel each other while playing with balls?

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.-fine but when we look like cousin it we'll be snapping our fingers singing our last name.

6. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!-We want you to remember what we like..get over it

7. We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!-Then get a calender

8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?-maybe you should put on a dress and see what it feels like to match for once

9. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.-Fine..What color are my eyes?."Yes"..hmmm..DUMPED

10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.-NO..if thats what girlfriends are for then we should just be lesbian!

11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.-maybe you should shhh..are you a Dr?

12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.-fine then..i told my fitness coach to meet me after class for a little alone time last week..so there!

13. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.-fine..real men don't cry...and we don't want soap orpa..we want body builders

14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!-we want to hear that we're beautiful...who says its not April 1st?

15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.-think before you talk

16. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.-maybe we'll sow your eyes shut...who knows what you think when you look!

17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.-stop being lazy and help us

18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.-why?..freedom of speech hon..gonna talk when i want to

19. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.-Are you a map? i don't think so

20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.-fine i'll go whine to a better man.

21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.-Ok...i'll give you the big book of colors...

22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.-fine but not in public thats embarrising..looks like you have crabs or a yeast infection

23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.-well at least try to bend some spoons

24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.-well maybe its your fault and we don't wanna hurt your feelings

25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.-tell me want i wanna hear dumb*ss

26. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.-we listen to you while you rub our feet...It works itself out!

27. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) Fine then we can watch the notebook..they have sex!!! there ya go

28. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.-fine when you buy a beer...buy me a purse!

Something else I found, I thought it'd be worth a laugh. I had Women's Rules That Men MUST Learn Somewhere, but I don't remember where. Thought it was a pretty funny find. FOUND IT!

Women's Rules That Men Need To Learn

1. Call.-everyday

2. Don't lie.-not even for your "Bro"

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.-eew...not asking

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.-yea..we wanna know the dirt

5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."-exactly

6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

7. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.-yep

8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.-we can figure it out ourselves

9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.-please don't follow me cause my leg might flick back into your privates!

10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lard*ss," and "B*tch" are bad.-what a M***3* Fu*K3*

11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.-don't drop the soap

12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

14. Her cooking is excellent.-so go back for 2nds

15. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.

16. Dish soap is your friend.-you missed a spot

17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.-eew..smelly

18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.-niether does buying her a drink

19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.-it was somebody..duh

20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"-grr

21. Two words: clean socks.-eeew..yellow toe-nails

22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're all sweaty.

23. Burping is not sexy.-but it can be funny

24. You're wrong.-all the time

25. You're sorry.-most the time

26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.-uh huh

27. Ditto for your discourse on football.

28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.

29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.-shack? thought it was your moms basement?

30. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

31. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.

32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.

33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.-she might get lost

34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.

35. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.

37. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.

38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

39. Always, always suck up to her brother.

40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.-oo sexy

41. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so names.

42. Don't try to change the way she dresses.

43. Her haircut is never bad.

44. Don't let your friends pick on her.

[Hitsugaya389]

22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're all sweaty.

NOT TRUE...
I love to see my bf after he goes to the gym

[Eris]

I strongly contest a large chunk of this list.

1. Call.-everyday

This is exactly why I don't have a telephone.

2. Don't lie.-not even for your "Bro"

Do lie, I will. The truth is overrated.

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.-eew...not asking

Why not?

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.-yea..we wanna know the dirt

Uh, no thanks.

5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."-exactly

The answer is YES. It is YES until you stop asking stupid questions.

6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

See 5

8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.-we can figure it out ourselves

Some girls get a kick out of playing ignorant.

10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lard*ss," and "B*tch" are bad.-what a M***3* Fu*K3*

Again, depends on the girl.

11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.-don't drop the soap

Spanking is kinky.

12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

You need to learn to understand man-language more.

14. Her cooking is excellent.-so go back for 2nds

Disagree.

15. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.

I for one like TV dinners.

18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.-niether does buying her a drink

Depends on the girl, and her motives for going out.

19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.-it was somebody..duh

20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"-grr

Would cut it for me. But I'm not into "possessive" relationships.

21. Two words: clean socks.-eeew..yellow toe-nails

I don't even wear clean socks. I wear black socks so you can't tell they're dirty.

22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're all sweaty.

Depends on individual tastes.

24. You're wrong.-all the time

25. You're sorry.-most the time

Not constructive. I hate sensitive emotional girl-guys.

26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.-uh huh

27. Ditto for your discourse on football.

28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.

Depends on the girl.

29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.-shack? thought it was your moms basement?

Depends on the girl.

32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.

Except when no means yes, and yes means no.

33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.-she might get lost

Why not? I hate clingy guys who think I can't handle myself.

34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.

Chivalry and feminism both must die.

35. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

I for one am able to call a taxi.

38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

I hate spammy guys.

41. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so names.

I hate silly holidays.

44. Don't let your friends pick on her.

Leave her friends alone.

[Regex]

You've done an incredible job of absolutely missing the part where it's a JOKE.

I understand you're offended by the list made, but all you have done is perpetuate the joke that women are irrational, thus making the joke even more applicable.

[Ωmega]

All you did was copy the rules from the OTHER thread and added a few lines afterward so they look slightly different.

[*~Lily_Gemini~*]

dot dot dot.....helarious

[keezy.]

ok the toilet seat one... i think it's kinda funny for both.
it's just if ur a guy u might get the seat wet if it's still down. but if ur a girl u might fall in if it' still up...
but it does kinda make since that guys don't always want to put it up.. i never thought of that before... lol

[Gjallarhorn]

Well, if you don't like the way a stereotypical guy is, you have two options: 1)go to the Cap Side or 2)just stop complaining, wise up to the fact that this doesn't apply to all men, and go with a guy who isn't a stereotypical meat-head.

Your rules just suggest that you are an idealist, who's perfect man is a woman.

[Kaoru217]

That thing about the Mens Rules just makes me feel like that women are just a nucense. (however you spell it.)

[Buruku]

Screw putting the toilet seat down, I have a hard enough time getting my bf not to piss on the floor.

[Sagat]

Every time one of these women/men rules list comes out I can feel the serial killer in me growing in power just a bit more.

Yes, all men watch "the game", all men don't put down the seat, in fact I can't even continue because a knife is nearby and there are people in the park.

[Regex]

Wow, now Sagat is missing the joke part.

But I'll try to make this easy for everyone to understand.
It is a list of generalizations and joke solutions. It is not meant to be taken seriously by men OR women.

[Sagat]

No no, I know it's intended as a joke .. it's just so over done and filled with cliche statements. I liken it to the rapping grandma joke. At first it was hilarious. The next 50 times were funny. The next 100 times were amusing. The next 1000 were painful. Yet for some time after it ended being remotely funny, it, like these male/female joke lists, kept getting made ..

[Regex]

Well, you can't stop these jokes. I don't find it particularly funny, yet South Park is not only still airing, but they're making new episodes still. The main thing is not to get worked up about it.

If you risk blowing a fuse just from bad jokes, your head will explode before you turn 30.
If you live to be an old man, you won't even be able to shake your cane at the kids on your lawn. You'll be too busy yelling at your kitchen counter for being blue all the time.

[CrimsonMoon]

Ah, that's amusing. All of the rules are cliche. Nevertheless, some are true so I can't shove them all. However, it also depends on an individual. Regex, hehe, that's funny but I've to agree, sorry Sagat.

[Masali]

Like regex said, you getting worked up over this just makes the rules funnier, especially when we read your, what I'm sure you thought was, witty commentary right next to them. Since it's basically just proving them right, which is sad considering well...y'know, they're shallow cliches. So now we get to have a laugh at your expense. I will do this now.



ha. ha. ha.



































oh, and ha.

one more thing that I laughed when I saw...

-fine then..i told my fitness coach to meet me after class for a little alone time last week..so there!

What are you nailing him or something?

[Saiyan Destroyer]

Wow... you could have just thrown your two cents into my post. I'm not going to ***** or analyze this, as a matter fact I'm leave this topic for good.

[Tetsanosuke]

And so here is my view. (I realize the rules were only a joke, I was just bored. >_>;; )

There goes the neighborhood...

4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.-Fine but Isn't it wierd that guys like to watch other guys tackel each other while playing with balls?

So thats why I never really liked sports... o_o;;

10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.-NO..if thats what girlfriends are for then we should just be lesbian!

I want to be there for my Love, so whatever she wants to doth upon me I will willingly accept.

14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!-we want to hear that we're beautiful...who says its not April 1st?

I actually enjoy complimenting my Darling.

15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.-think before you talk

Or you could talk to us about it and ask us what we mean.

16. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.-maybe we'll sow your eyes shut...who knows what you think when you look!

Girls are guilty of this too, and besides it's something I actually feel bad for doing and I catch myself in the act, then mind my business.

18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.-why?..freedom of speech hon..gonna talk when i want to

My GF is more interesting then a damn television to me. >/

20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.-fine i'll go whine to a better man.

As for me, I try my utmost to always be the best I can for her, and I expect her to tell me when something seems wrong. That way I can make her even more happy.

24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.-well maybe its your fault and we don't wanna hurt your feelings

When my GF says nothing I re-ask her, and I worry that maybe it's bad. But if she doesn't tell me I reassure her that I'm all ears and here to help. It'll only hurt more in the end, no secrets please.

26. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.-we listen to you while you rub our feet...It works itself out!

The three topics listed are nothing I'd really talk about, so expect a random assortment of things from me. As for the feet rubbing, if that's what she'd like then it's okay with me. I'm sure she'd repay me with a shoulder rub. ^_^

24. You're wrong.-all the time

Not in my relationship. But as for with girls in general I just offer my thoughts, and if they are nothing then oh well.

25. You're sorry.-most the time

Only if I did something wrong, or hurt you in some way. Other then that I try my best to not overstep anything that's thought to be 'uncomfortable'.

[KidHeart]

Hmm. Yeah cliche and totally true at the same time.

[*.:Endless Sky:.*]

For heaven's sake!

Men and women are different. If that makes you unhappy or unsatisfied, then go off and dream up some world where everything is what you want it to be.

You cannot change anything about either sex. Sure, there are a few things I wish guys wouldn't do, but I don't bother trying to get them to see my way because it won't happen. For the most part, guys are pretty cool.

That's what I think. We're all here and ourselves, so as they say, shut up and smile. Love it, embrace it, and be at peace.

[Saiyan Destroyer]

I'm bored... I'm going to pick you apart piece by piece

Womens rules ABOUT Mens rules that women need to learn.
1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat.-No if its at MY house YOU put it down!

That's understandable, your house your rules. OUR (Mans or couples) house, learn it.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!-Uh..Yea they are..Women love gifts and any holiday that comes up is a great day for presents

We cann't always find the perfect, we had a hell of a time doing it the first time. Cut us slack woman.

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.-Well, we want to be thought of when your not undressing us with your eyes..so think of us at church...no naughtiness

But naughtiness in public is LIVELY and EXCITING. If anything women are more prone to doing something like that than men. Either way we just cann't think of you 24/7.

4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.-Fine but Isn't it wierd that guys like to watch other guys tackel each other while playing with balls?

I know. It's what I point out when people make fun of me for liking wrestling.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.-fine but when we look like cousin it we'll be snapping our fingers singing our last name.

We means doing an Natalie Portman in V For Vendetta. Or shaving your head completely bald. I had one female friend at BCT who did that, if it wasn't for the fact she has the largest "equipment that goes into bras" I've ever seen on someone under 5'4", I would have thought she was a guy.

6. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!-We want you to remember what we like..get over it

We need things plain and simple. We're not going to do 60 Minutes, if we did we would get on 60 freaking Minutes. Just tell use what you want, we won't get confused that way.

7. We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!-Then get a calender

That requires remembering dates. Unless the calander is thre and you're right next ot it. Maybe, but in that situation tell us and mark it yourself.

8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?-maybe you should put on a dress and see what it feels like to match for once

That would be trasvestite. I don't get how ya'll can wear suits and be called "Buisnesswomen". We only need the bare essentials, in this case for shows we need casual, dress and tennis. THAT IS IT.

9. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.-Fine..What color are my eyes?."Yes"..hmmm..DUMPED

Hence "almost every" not every question.

10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.-NO..if thats what girlfriends are for then we should just be lesbian!

We don't need to give off excess sympathy, save it for your gal pals. Men solve problems not prolong them.

11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.-maybe you should shhh..are you a Dr?

No but a headache that lasts for 17 months is not health or normal. See the doctor.

12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.-fine then..i told my fitness coach to meet me after class for a little alone time last week..so there!

Was it an argument? I doubt so if. If it was he would have answered your question then and there and argued.

13. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.-fine..real men don't cry...and we don't want soap orpa..we want body builders

What do think Opera male actors do? Body Build. Therefore Body Builders = Opera Guys.

14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!-we want to hear that we're beautiful...who says its not April 1st?

We've been tricked before, ESPECIALLY on April 1st. We're not risking it, we'll tell you the truth. We're not going to lie especially if its about you being fat.

15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.-think before you talk

No because you could have interpreted what we said the wrong way. When we recant it, you just act worst seeing us kiss up. We mean the non-hurtful way.

16. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.-maybe we'll sow your eyes shut...who knows what you think when you look!

That's right, who knows. We're going to look, it's on our genetic level. Sowing our eyes shut is assault and battery. We need our eyes like you need yours.

17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.-stop being lazy and help us

Like it's' said, tell us let us do it our way. If you tell us, same thing: we'll do it our way. You can't do both, if you know which is best, do it yourself.

18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.-why?..freedom of speech hon..gonna talk when i want to

Freedom of speach is being allowed to talk about anything. Not anytime, anywhere. We won't listen until the commercial.

19. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.-Are you a map? i don't think so

Are you a amp? Did think so either. We'll find out way, we got a better sense of direction anyways.

20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.-fine i'll go whine to a better man.

Then do it, it'll save us a headache. We can find another much you like you can.

21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.-Ok...i'll give you the big book of colors...

Doesn't matter, we'll read it and it won't compute like using Mac technology on a Windows. We see only in 16 and forever in 16.

22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.-fine but not in public thats embarrising..looks like you have crabs or a yeast infection

Gotta settle it before it gets worst. Therefore we'll scratch reguardless.

23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.-well at least try to bend some spoons

We lack all psychich powers. Doesn't matter who we are, we won't be able to read your minds or bend spoons. Why don't you learn how to do both?

24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.-well maybe its your fault and we don't wanna hurt your feelings

Just tell us, I refer to point 23: We can't read minds. Let us know and we'll fix/work on it.

25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.-tell me want i wanna hear dumb*ss

We'll do that if you ask a question you want an answer to. If you don't want an answer at all, don't ask the question or get an answer.

26. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.-we listen to you while you rub our feet...It works itself out!

Just tell use what you're thinking or let us tell you what happened in our day. Don't ask.

27. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) Fine then we can watch the notebook..they have sex!!! there ya go

Again: Foreign Films are best left to Foreigners. We'll just watch Monster's Ball for the Halle Barry/Billy Bob Thorton Scene.

28. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.-fine when you buy a beer...buy me a purse!

When you buy a purse, buy us a six pack. There we break even.

Something else I found, I thought it'd be worth a laugh. I had Women's Rules That Men MUST Learn Somewhere, but I don't remember where. Thought it was a pretty funny find. FOUND IT![/quote]

Women's Rules That Men Need To Learn

1. Call.-everyday

Requires time we don't have.

2. Don't lie.-not even for your "Bro"

Brothers stick togher reguardless.

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.-eew...not asking

I have one of two ideas, neither I can explain here...

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.-yea..we wanna know the dirt

Be ready to drink, risk life and limb, and do a lot of dumb stuff.

5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."-exactly

Again refer to my point.

6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

Same as above.

7. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.-yep

Frederick's will save us money. We'll just get the box and not tell you.

8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.-we can figure it out ourselves

It's nice thing we do, we get your order and then relay the order to the waitor/waitress.

9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.-please don't follow me cause my leg might flick back into your privates!

That includes you to. We can give your INNER genitels a little punt.

10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lard*ss," and "B*tch" are bad.-what a M***3* Fu*K3*

Only abusing/****ty men say those. Real men who love thier women do not do that.

11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.-don't drop the soap

Same as above.

14. Her cooking is excellent.-so go back for 2nds

We usually do unless we're full or it tastes horrible and we just cann't stomache it.

16. Dish soap is your friend.-you missed a spot

As did you.

17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.-eew..smelly

Includes you with perfume.

18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.-niether does buying her a drink

Same as above. It would hurt if you preempted us once in a while.

19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.-it was somebody..duh

It was nobody since it was the wrong number.

20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"-grr

Mom = Nobody.

21. Two words: clean socks.-eeew..yellow toe-nails

You're toe nails will eventually go yellow too.

23. Burping is not sexy.-but it can be funny

Hence why we do it.

24. You're wrong.-all the time

As are you.

25. You're sorry.-most the time

But we never mean it.

26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.-uh huh

You think we really care how your day was?

29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.-shack? thought it was your moms basement?

Again I refer to the case of getting caught and excitement. You can always say no and walk away.

30. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

Unfortunately it is.

33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.-she might get lost

That's not always a really bad thing.

40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.-oo sexy

We usually do if we got sense. Enough said.

[zyronet]

If you risk blowing a fuse just from bad jokes, your head will explode before you turn 30.
If you live to be an old man, you won't even be able to shake your cane at the kids on your lawn. You'll be too busy yelling at your kitchen counter for being blue all the time.

Wow.. cool.

I would want to take this pieces by pieces but it could take a long time and space. I disagree to some of the listed rules, since not all women like the same stuffs. Anyway, i have taken this as a hilarious joke. Ehehe..

[Variados]

I must not be normal because I did not knew about this rules....my oh my...It sounds like I am in another plane. Some rules make sense...others just give me the chills....Uh....who this rules applies to anyways?
Because I am a girl...and I have never like holidays...and I like my hair short...weird...

[Chris-san]

Oh, this'll be fun. My statements are bolded.

Womens rules ABOUT Mens rules that women need to learn.
1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat.-No if its at MY house YOU put it down!
I'm not so incompetent as to have to lift the toilet seat; I'm an excellent marksman.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!-Uh..Yea they are..Women love gifts and any holiday that comes up is a great day for presents.
No, my girlfriend usually only asks to go to dinner and a movie. She hates presents.

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.-Well, we want to be thought of when your not undressing us with your eyes..so think of us at church...no naughtiness
Okay, here I am, driving, thinking about only her...UH-OH! TRUCK! I'm dead.

4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.-Fine but Isn't it wierd that guys like to watch other guys tackel each other while playing with balls?
The only sport I will watch for hours on end is Tennis, and she said she wants to play it with me.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.-fine but when we look like cousin it we'll be snapping our fingers singing our last name.
Uh...hair is just hair. As long as it stays only on your head, I don't care about it.

6. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!-We want you to remember what we like..get over it
Not when you've never given a hint about anything of the sort...*Snorts*

7. We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!-Then get a calender
My current girlfriend and I started going out on April 11, 2007, 8:57 am, our first kiss was the next day at 4:25 pm; my ex and I had started going out July 1, 2004...and I don't remember when we broke up because at that point I was sick of her. So most guys who don't remember dates are idiots.

8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?-maybe you should put on a dress and see what it feels like to match for once
You wear a tuxedo and try to find perfectly matching dress shoes. Harder than you'd think.

9. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.-Fine..What color are my eyes?."Yes"..hmmm..DUMPED
If a girl was going to dump me over something like that--which would probably be a joke from me anyway--then I'd be better off without her.

10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.-NO..if thats what girlfriends are for then we should just be lesbian!
Uh...I don't agree with this one.

11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.-maybe you should shhh..are you a Dr?
No, but a headache that lasts for that long is a sign of cancer or a tumor. If someone would be negligent to that, then they deserve to not see a doctor.

12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.-fine then..i told my fitness coach to meet me after class for a little alone time last week..so there!
Okay. I'd then proceed to tell a girl that wasn't old and not a pedophile to meet strictly for sex, after dumping that girl for being a *****.

13. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.-fine..real men don't cry...and we don't want soap orpa..we want body builders
My mom works in Victoria's Secret; I'm SO sick of seeing it.

14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!-we want to hear that we're beautiful...who says its not April 1st?
If you think you're fat, you probably make up for the 99.99% of thin girls who share the same thought (I hate it when girls say that!)

15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.-think before you talk
Don't over-assess things just to start a fight.

16. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.-maybe we'll sow your eyes shut...who knows what you think when you look!
Eh, I don't like to ogle.

17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.-stop being lazy and help us
If I do something wrong simply because it's not in your best interest, I'm not doing it over.

18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.-why?..freedom of speech hon..gonna talk when i want to
Eh...I don't watch TV with my honey.

19. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.-Are you a map? i don't think so
No, but road signs are very easy to read.

20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.-fine i'll go whine to a better man.
Crap happens.

21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.-Ok...i'll give you the big book of colors...
I see in seventeen colors. One of them happens to be pumpkin.

22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.-fine but not in public thats embarrising..looks like you have crabs or a yeast infection
Disgusting. Even if my girlfriend weren't there, I'd either do it extremely secretively or wait until I found a bathroom.

23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.-well at least try to bend some spoons
No, if you have something on your mind, say it. I'm sick of asking "what's wrong" to either "Nothing" or "Just thinking."

24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.-well maybe its your fault and we don't wanna hurt your feelings
HAHA! I just mentioned that.

25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.-tell me want i wanna hear dumb*ss
And then get *****ed at for four days. No.

26. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.-we listen to you while you rub our feet...It works itself out!
I have a foot fetish, so that works out for me too. Also, I only talk about mind-bendingly sophisticated things. Or 4chan stuff.

27. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) Fine then we can watch the notebook..they have sex!!! there ya go
That's bullcrap--I love animu and Japanese films, such as Juon, Ringu, Battle Royale, Death Note, and the Spanish "Pan's Labyrinth." It sickens me that other guys are that naive.

28. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.-fine when you buy a beer...buy me a purse!
I detest beer.

Something else I found, I thought it'd be worth a laugh. I had Women's Rules That Men MUST Learn Somewhere, but I don't remember where. Thought it was a pretty funny find. FOUND IT!

Women's Rules That Men Need To Learn

1. Call.-everyday
Not when her brother or mom is constantly online and I get ignored 39 out of 40 calls.

2. Don't lie.-not even for your "Bro"
Lying is for cowards.

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.-eew...not asking
Why would I do that?

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.-yea..we wanna know the dirt
PORN AND NASTY JOKES! I'm sure girls love to know that 'dirt.'

5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."-exactly
Okay then, I'll be a dishonest ******* and lie to you. Hope it helps your self-esteem, 'cause it's dooming the relationship.

6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
Agreed.

7. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.-yep
Once again, I'm sick of VS and I don't know what Frederick's of Hollywood is.

8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.-we can figure it out ourselves
Agreed.

9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.-please don't follow me cause my leg might flick back into your privates!
Agreed.

10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lard*ss," and "B*tch" are bad.-what a M***3* Fu*K3*
My girlfriend hates all of those sweet names. I still usually either call her 'sweetheart' or just her name. The others I would never dream of even uttering.

11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.-don't drop the soap
I hate shouting. And if I get slapped hard, I leave.

12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
Too bad.

13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
Absolutely true; my ex was a fat hairy girl with cheese in places they absolutely didn't need to be.

14. Her cooking is excellent.-so go back for 2nds
It is and I do.

15. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
I enjoy cooking.

16. Dish soap is your friend.-you missed a spot
I don't do dishes.

17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.-eew..smelly
WTF? Why do women think we guys are so disgusting?

18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.-niether does buying her a drink
Neither does watching sappy romance movies.

19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.-it was somebody..duh
I'm clinically paranoid. I will always ask who it was.

20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"-grr
Men who cheat are worse than garbage.

21. Two words: clean socks.-eeew..yellow toe-nails
Never happened to me before.

22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're all sweaty.
Which is why I try to make myself not sweaty often.

23. Burping is not sexy.-but it can be funny
Indeed.

24. You're wrong.-all the time
Then I just won't talk.

25. You're sorry.-most the time
Yep.

26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.-uh huh
I don't care. I bought my Jeep because I love it.

27. Ditto for your discourse on football.
Remember, I only like Tennis.

28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
Who does that anymore?

29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.-shack? thought it was your moms basement?
People say shack?

30. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
It's not for my girlfriend. I can't even tell she's on it unless I specifically ask.

31. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
I know it does. She's described it for me in painful detail. -_-

32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
Same goes for me.

33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.-she might get lost
Don't plan on it.

34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Yeah, feminists need to be shot on site. I know everyone has equal rights, you don't have to shove them in my face.

35. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
And then carry her to the car. I'm a sweet guy. ^_^

36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
That situation was reversed for me once. And it'll never happen again.

37. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
'K, got it.

38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Yeah, I do.

39. Always, always suck up to her brother.
Hell no, I'm as rude to him as he is to me. Which is the reason why we're cool.

40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.-oo sexy
Think sandpaper thongs.

41. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so names.
Okay, dinner and a movie. YAY.

42. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
Fine by me.

43. Her haircut is never bad.
Nope.

44. Don't let your friends pick on her.
My friends are timid and jealous. Plus I don't ever go to anyone else's house anymore.

Aaaaaaand I'm spent.

[Buruku]

Stop quoting the entire post. You evil people!