The countdown of a heartbreak

[Howling Star]

The countdown of a heartbreak

The torn of the rose
Came to close
The torn of pain
Made this bloodstain

Sadness strikes once again
And every now and then
I don't know why
What did I do slowly I say good bye

I can't understand this world of confusion
It's all an illusion
But how to escape how to go away
I am trapped I have to stay

That's what my instinct says
Like one thousand X rays
are needed to see every scratch in my heart
It's a mater or time till it will fall a part

It's the count down

[seraphic_demon]

Getting better each post, just edit a couple of mispelled words and it's all set.
^^

[Sobriquet]

I like this poem. ^^

[zyronet]

o__o
Another sad story as always..
This is good..

[dream magician]

I got to say,you are really getting good at it,Train. Maybe you'll really make this as a living someday!

[Hamashimura]

Ah,Train,long time passed since I commented on your works...
Let's see what you have here...
Hm,let's see...You've gotten so much better already,good work...
There are still some drop-in words,actually,just one:
~That's what my instinct says
Like one thousand X rays~
Well,this one...kinda,doesn't fit in the rest of your poem...
Still,poem is pretty good,and it has that something in it that sadens me...
Something that tells that this one is written based on something that you've experienced,something that happened to you had infulence on this one...
Well,this is how I see it,tell me if I'm wrong...
Good work indeed,you've really improved...
Keep up,you just need to replace that what I told you about,and everything should do fine...
Keep up^^

[Howling Star]

@Hamashimura all my poems are based on how I feel so they're all experience I think.

[Ichiro Matsuchani]

Long time, eh? My turn.

This made NO sense to me. At all, really. To be honest, this almost seems like a step back for you. I read this, then I looked at the date, and I'm like ,"What? This is a new one? You're joking?". I think I got my point through.

You're starting to make an old mistake again, which is throwing in random phrases that have random emotions expressed through them, amounting to nothing by the end of the poem. Poems usually amount to a single idea, yet it did not happen here. It's nice to have cool sounding lines and all, but if they don't add up, there's no point.



P.S. Knowing how many people love your poems (sometimes beyond logic, no offense), I'm going to get plenty of bad-reppage for this. I'm only saying that you've written better than this. Oh yes, and you don't know how long I've been waiting to use that image again.