Taken by Force...

[Tetsanosuke]

Hatred filled rays that death will pay,
One's purity lost to lust and greed
The power within ones moral decay
Some gluttons reason lust's creed

He took her by force,
Unable to shake her offender
He stuck onto his course
She couldn't help but suffer

What advice she gained
From fear she lies again
Towards her tears within
That can sever her pain

Taken before her time
Her flowerous purity so sublime
Tainted at that time
The gluttons deeper chime
He unfolded upon her his crime
And no one saves her
They not even cry

But Inside the defender of the one so pure
His rage burns a fury full
He sees her shattered lies, no cure
His soul descends and dies

What is left for the lust?
That crazy evil tender *cuss*
He has but his pleasure to fuss
And he leaves her there, her eyes full of mistrust

Now and on the shattered dawn
The crazy creeps pants don't sag
For he has willed the act
And the victim is so scared she lacks...
Lacks what's necessary to bring him to justice
No courage or thought towards the substance
Such a pity thought by the rest
Even though they pray for the best...

Rape is but a fools crime,
Those who act it ought to die
For if they cannot think before them
Then they have no place in the life ahead.

[~Mithrosent~]

Wow.....I really liked it!!!!! Gosh I like all of your poems Tet. ^.^ It was full of passion at the end, Disgust in a way for people who commit Rape. I think we all feel that way and that poem shows it. Great job.
~Genivive~

[danie-chan]

That poem was really disturbing for me... It seems I'll never be able to make something so deep and passionate. Anyway, it was really good!!! I really love this poem!! The poem protrayed certain kinds of emotions that can be imagined by people who have never experience that kind of *injustice?* (did i get that right??) All in all, it's a great poem!!

[dream magician]

Wow! i like it,you really care a lot about women.And it's so nice that you notice problems like this,Some people never did.

[Ichiro Matsuchani]

Hatred filled rays that death will pay,
One's purity lost to lust and greed
The power within ones moral decay
Some gluttons reason lust's creed

He took her by force,
Unable to shake her offender
He stuck onto his course
She couldn't help but suffer

What advice she gained
From fear she lies again
Towards her tears within
That can sever her pain

Taken before her time
Her flowerous purity so sublime
Tainted at that time
The gluttons deeper chime
He unfolded upon her his crime
And no one saves her
They not even cry

But Inside the defender of the one so pure
His rage burns a fury full
He sees her shattered lies, no cure
His soul descends and dies

What is left for the lust?
That crazy evil tender *cuss*
He has but his pleasure to fuss
And he leaves her there, her eyes full of mistrust

Now and on the shattered dawn
The crazy creeps pants don't sag
For he has willed the act
And the victim is so scared she lacks...
Lacks what's necessary to bring him to justice
No courage or thought towards the substance
Such a pity thought by the rest
Even though they pray for the best...

Rape is but a fools crime,
Those who act it ought to die
For if they cannot think before them
Then they have no place in the life ahead.

Tet, since we're friends, I'm going to be completely honest with you; I found that hard to keep reading halfway through it, partially from it boring me. One problem I find with this poem is that it's unmetered; I know it doesn't have to be, but from what I read from the first stanza, I was expecting a metered poem. The first stanza was fantastic, by the way.

By the time that you made it to the second stanza, I was kinda taken aback from the change in the metering, and then found out later that it was constantly changing. I know that you're trying to be creative, but sometimes a poem can be made more interesting if you keep a consistant style throughout.

What you could also add to make it more interesting is a bit more sensory detail; such that are keen to ones senses. All I saw throughout was just a bunch of phrases keen to emotions, and that was it. For example, "Her flowerlous beauty so sublime". Most readers would find that excellent, merely from the usage of big words. Now, I am not poetry writer, but what would have made that more interesting is if you compared that to something of inanimate value; something of beauty.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think this is an excellent poem, but I think you could have some diversity in the way you describe things.

EDIT: Sorry, but I'm not going to post in here to simply get my post count up or to get rep, like some people. >_>

[Alicaryn Silentread]

I never knew you were a writer Tetris, but I should have known. o.o;;; That is really deep, and really well written, and slightly disturbing. o.o;

But I give you two thumbs up. =3

And I don't do it for reps or post count, thanks you very much Ichi. x.X;

[Tetsanosuke]

Thank you for the comments and the incite. I actually write on emotion really so when it seems to focus that way that's why.

And i have many poems, I keep them all in my blog fyi. >.>

^^;;

[Ichiro Matsuchani]

I never knew you were a writer Tetris, but I should have known. o.o;;; That is really deep, and really well written, and slightly disturbing. o.o;

But I give you two thumbs up. =3

And I don't do it for reps or post count, thanks you very much Ichi. x.X;

Really? Because all you seem to do is say how good it is and nothing else. Just the way I see it, at least.

[Daenerys]

Closed because Ichigo can't seem to stop starting fights with people.

PS: DONT QUOTE THE ORIGINAL POST, there is never a need for it in this forum.