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Thread: Musings Over Humanity

  1. #1
    //15 Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Musings Over Humanity

    They lost the world,
    That fiery turn;
    It's from idle hands they're forced to learn.
    What awful ways they've come to know.
    What awful things left to bestow
    Upon a child and its life,
    Upon a husband and his wife.
    It's the same relentless cycle filled with never ending strife.

    We return from whence we came;
    There's the source of all our shame.
    We're doomed to repeat the intricacies
    Of all our untold fallacies
    Of life and death -
    We'll never figure
    That something bigger
    Could ever be hoped for.
    That something greater could ever be searched for.
    Stomp on the dreams of every dreamer.
    Scam the scheme of ever schemer.
    It's everyone's scheme,
    And everyone's dream,
    To scheme and dream of a life unseen.

    But never to live one.


    Some day, you'll dine on a solid snake.


  2. #2
    Senior Member Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew has a reputation beyond repute Kittyninjamewmew's Avatar
    Gil
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    great job on the poem


    thax for the sigs and advatars -Ookami- and kiss
    of death!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. #3
    //15 Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery has a reputation beyond repute Fiery's Avatar
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    Did you not read the rules of the subforum? -_-


    Some day, you'll dine on a solid snake.


  4. #4
    Neverwinter Gnostic Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer's Avatar
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    Hmmm... it certainly has a point to it however it lacks an sort of imagery, meter, metaphor or other poetic devices save for the fact it rhymes. The problem might stem from the fact your trying so hard to say something, that you just say it. There is little subtly or power in your use of words. Practice writing without a message and then work the message in through the use of imagery, and don't be afraid not to give your readers context.
    The tragedy of life comes not from pain, despair, sorrow, or even death; but the constant annihilating amnesia that begs us to forget we live.


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