betraying

[Howling Star]

Internet is going slow im working on a other one. Its almost finished i think i hope i can post them.


Poem Betraying

We were having fun.
Together on the run.
We folowd a road.
We traveld by boat.

Now were older.
You become colder.
I was not watching.
And then you stabed me with that thing.

It was knive.
That took away my live.
How could this be?
I didint flee.

I didint notice.
Wat was all this ?
Just for a second you slipped away.
And now im broken on the x ray.

[Flay]

Hmm . . . KillingJoke, this poem, it dosen't have your ussual way of getting some emotion accross, I think this one needs an operation-revamping. The rhythme just isn't there. I can see where you are trying to go with this, I think, but it just hasn't gotten there yet. IMO. not trying to be mean here though. I wish I could explain it better. anyways . . .
Peace be with you.

[Howling Star]

Hehehe i know wat ya mean. I was kinda in the uhm how you say that. Hmm i think the ''insparation'' was gone. But thanks i can do someting with this comment.And if you want you can just call me Train. Kilingjoke is a old name. You can use both chose one you like better.