Going Unseen

[Princess Cupcake]

If I cry in the sun,
You will know.

If I cry in the rain,
It wont show.

I hope for your glance...

If I smile in the light,
You'll be able to tell.

If I smile in the dark,
You wont see it that well.

I hope for your touch...

If I knocked at your door,
I wouldn't expect an answer.

If I tapped on your shoulder,
You'd keep walking as you were.

I'd hoped you'd notice me...

------

That's my poem. =] Hope you like it. The last few stanzas were difficult to come up with so they'd fit along with the poem. Still, I worked hard. Don't make fun! =\ Constructive critizism... (sp?) ><
Rukia Kun~

[Vendetta]

Ah crying in the rain; So often a hint of a sad poem. I noticed you had the first staza that this person would see, and the second that they wouldn't. Now, in the end you made to in a row that they wouldn't see and it slightly throws off the pattern. Other than that it was a good poem.

[cherryblosmes]

that was good got thrown a bet at the end but over all it was good . great job. keeop posting lol ^^

[Princess Cupcake]

It's simply stating that they SHOULD know that I'm doing it. It's like "why aren't you?" And thank you, I appretiate your positive comment =]

[Aleyna]

what a creative poem! i like your writing style, you showed both sides to this situation, and that spoke to alot of people!

[ryuu_underworld_overlord]

yay ...

[Renny_the_halfbreed]

That was a good poem >.>.... Well I liked it anyways and Rukia your one of the coolest people I know in the world

[sailor_moon70]

i love your poem it is wonderful and great i really love it

[Furubalova]

it was nice.to me it seemed that in the beginning he noticed you and as the poem goes on you seem to kinda fade away. nice job.


oh and sailor_moon70, nice sig!

[Princess Cupcake]

Yeah, I agree. And thankies oh so very muchies people. =D I wrote it for the people of AF!

[~Shizuku~]

I loved the poem...such true words...LOL don't let me get too weird now so I'll just leave it at that

[Snowscala_Xx]

Xd nice.... O.o i like the snow part if you can guess why... XD

[Skyla_G]

I agree with snowscala... the reference to snow and rain are lovely... adds depth to the poem. I can't come up with much constructive critizism... let alone ANY!

A few comments here made me realize the likeness of the second person in the poem... to me this second character first sees you... but thinks twice! ;_; so sad... again such embroidered imagery... I really hope to see more of your work... even if it's a sad piece, somehow your work is strangly uplifting! ^O^

Awwww as I reread it... my eyes get glossy and I think of a handful of people who have been ignored by the one person who should have danced the dance of guidance for them! Hehehe sorry for the silly referral here... but hey... this is what inspiration does, NYA!!!
~Skyla