Chuck Norris Facts

[-Batman-]

Chuck Norris Facts

I love this website, I don't know why but I find a lot of these facts [Removed] hilarious. My 5 favorites.

-Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it, Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and hit the ground.

-When Chuck Norris works at a Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.

-Human Cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.Physics Theorize that this contact will end the universe.

-In the beginning there was nothing...Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job".That is the story of the universe.

-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amilia Earhart while she was flying over the pacific ocean.

[Mugetsu]

Chuck Norris is life. All hail the great Chuck. Watching Walker Texas Ranger is a religiou experience.

[-Batman-]

Chuck Norris is life. All hail the great Chuck. Watching Walker Texas Ranger is a religiou experience.

Like we have a choice, if we don't we will get roundhouse kicked into a mini-van.

[Mugetsu]

Like we have a choice, if we don't we will get roundhouse kicked into a mini-van.

BLASPHEMY!!!! Being roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris is an honor we are not worthy of!!! (No, I am not serious. Please don't ask.)

[Gjallarhorn]

-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

He beat me. I only got half way T_T...

-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

Chuck Norris is a magical man.

-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims
before they died? His shoe.

My new definition of "PWND"

[Opinionated]

-laughs so hard he falls out of his chair-
-pulls himself up to read more and falls again-

Who writes this crap?

[Mugetsu]

This is probably the greatest thing I have ever read. My life now has meaning.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
(Has he ever seen Bambi?)

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. ***-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
(Because he's a killing machine)

[-Batman-]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
(Has he ever seen Bambi?)

No, And just so you know...Bambi's mother wasn't shot by a hunter, She was roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.

[White_Fang]

-laughes until he can't take it anymore like opiniated-what kind of thing is this?if it's supposed to be a joke,it works! hahaha! i never get bored of it and i never can stop laughing everytime i read it!

[-Batman-]

-laughes until he can't take it anymore like opiniated-what kind of thing is this?if it's supposed to be a joke,it works! hahaha! i never get bored of it and i never can stop laughing everytime i read it!

That is the obvious power of Chuck Norris flowing through your body. You have been touched by the Texas Ranger, Rejoice!

[zodiak]

oh, if chuck norris never let average joe's play in dodge ball, well the movie would have just ended there. Oh if chuck norris were to have a heart attack, adrenaline would not be able to be pumped into his body because of his overly muscled pecks. The needle would just break.

[Showgan Jin]

chuck norris vs.... bruce lee... who would win? o.o.. gowsh thats hard..o.o

[-Batman-]

That question is answerd on the website...


-A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.

[飛竜]

Chuck Norris is life. All hail the great Chuck. Watching Walker Texas Ranger is a religiou experience.

Indeed true there. *nodded*

[!.Ski Takeshi.!]

you know his real name is Carlos Ray Norris Jr
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

[Buruku]

LOL, i guess i'm a bit late veiwing this thread. But it was really great.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f-ing Indian.

Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris

When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders

oh man thats so funny, so ridiculous.

[Opinionated]

I just made up my own fact.

"Neo is not the One. Neo is the Other One. The real One is Chuck Norris"

[Buruku]

I just made up my own fact.

"Neo is not the One. Neo is the Other One. The real One is Chuck Norris"

Hey thats good.
I have just been inspired to try to come up with my own Chuck facts.
so far they have all been stupid...but if i make up a cool one i'll post it.

wait, as of two seconds ago, these are my new favorites:

Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

Back in the '30s, there was a lot of controversy because Chuck Norris was the first black woman to refuse to sit at the back of the bus. He karate-chopped every white person’s head off in sight, and now he sits wherever the frell he wants to.

[Jackk]

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once brought a young lamb back to life, then roundhouse kicked it in the face sayin "The great Chuck Norris givith, the great Chuck Norris taketh away."
Chuck Norris and Mr.T once walked into a bar, but it explaoded because it couldn't handle the greatness

[Storm Strife]

In his spare time, Chuck Norris knits sweaters. And by 'knit' I mean kick, and by 'sweaters' I mean babies.

Chuck Norris once decided to fight God. Then he realised there was no point in fighting himself.

[Crimson Soul]

These just came back out of nowhere,
around 2-3 weeks ago it started up in my school, and since then i found it on various forums and it started poping up in schools around my area....

but still i love these jokes

[Demonic Light]

Did you know chuck norris is gay??? You can tell because he walks like his butt is hurting... LOL im joking.... but really hes not very cool

[Opinionated]

Chuck Norris is going to kill you for saying that. So I suggest you get all forgiven and stuff with whatver gods you worship.

[Mugetsu]

These just came back out of nowhere,
around 2-3 weeks ago it started up in my school, and since then i found it on various forums and it started poping up in schools around my area....

but still i love these jokes

Jokes??? What jokes? This is an autobiography. All hail Chuck Norris or be roundhouse kicked into oblivion.
And about that Chuck being gay crack....well, being omnipotent he probably already knows about it and he has probably killed you by THINKING about roundhouse kicking you.

The pressure caused by the tightness of Chuck Norris jeans is enough to turn a diamond back into coal.

[Slayerfan]

Alright i got one.

You may have heard that Hitler took his life in a dignified maner by shooting himself in the mouth. Wrong he hired Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick him in the head.