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Thread: Ame Nochi Sweet*Drops translation corrections

  1. #1
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    Default Ame Nochi Sweet*Drops translation corrections

    Ame Nochi Sweet*Drops by OSTER Project


    NB romaji mistake in verse 4, ai oshiku → itooshiku


    In a comment on VLW, Damesukekun said there are errors in marvelangga's translation and provided his own. (TBH I think Damesukekun's translation is far from perfect but at least it's a reference.) But I think we can improve marvelangga's translation. Here are some points to consider.



    verse 1


    This overwhelming loneliness is like being washed away by the shower
    →Like being washed away by a shower of overwhelming sadness
    (NB kanashimi no shawaa. Also, kanashimi = sadness, sorrow not loneliness.)



    that jumped out to me
    →where I jumped out
    (makes more sense)



    verse 2



    Weather forecasts, off the marks, liars, bursts of anger
    →Weather forecast, off the mark, liar, venting my anger
    My interpretation is that the speaker feels like it's stormy (areteru in next line) unlike the weather forecast (which presumably says it's fine), hence her impression that it's lying and she taking out her anger at it. Note video shows sunny forecast, Damesukekun's interpretation is similar.
    Alternatively, maybe she feels like the weather report lying to her is like the world venting it's anger unfairly at her, but seems less likely if it's a fine weather report.


    Stormed only my world
    →What is stormy is only my world

    expanding vision
    →blurred vision
    (nijimu can mean expand in the sense of blot but the result of blotting text for example is blurry text)


    verse 3



    You were standing next to me
    →You paused (-or- You stopped still)

    Love makes the world go round / I'll cast magic upon you
    →I'll cast magic upon you / that makes the world go around favourably
    (itooshiku means it's treating you like it cares about you. "Favourably" is a bit weak but I can't think of a better word.)


    verse 6


    kaji wo kitte
    If you see Damesukekun's translation, it means make a turn. The video shows her riding a donut and holding a steering wheel. I'm not sure the best way to phrase it. "If we make a turn on this doughnut ride" maybe?



    The rubies
    →Rubies
    (Minor point, but I can't see that it's talking about specific rubies.)



    verse 7



    If we could gather
    →If we gather
    (atsumetara just means if [we] gather. I think the tone is meant to be positive, once we do this it'll be great.)



    verse 8



    Let's wrap and roll up both the sadness and pain in a sphere
    →Let's wrap both sadness and pain into a ball and let it roll away.
    (minor point but "ball" sounds more suitable to me. "sphere" is kind of cold and mathematical.)
    (tsutumikomu is transitive and korogaridasu is intransitive. I think the idea is that I or we will wrap it up and it will roll away on its own.)

    Do a handstand and see that the world is full of surprises
    →The world we see when doing a handstand is full of surprises
    (my interpretation but shite mieru feels better as what is seen upon doing, rather than a request to do followed by seeing.)



    verse 9



    I'm even smiling
    →we can smile with each other
    (waraiau = smile at each other, waraiaeru = can smile at each other)


    verse 11


    The world has nothing / Let's go make something for it
    →It's not that we have a world / It's that we're going to be creating it
    (sekai ga aru = have [a] world. Hence following line must be about the world itself, not its contents.)

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    Default Re: Ame Nochi Sweet*Drops translation corrections

    @marvelangga, could you please weigh in on the suggestions?

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    Default Re: Ame Nochi Sweet*Drops translation corrections

    Okay, 2 weeks have passed without any response. Are those all the changes you wanted for this and the other thread?

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    Default Re: Ame Nochi Sweet*Drops translation corrections

    these are all the changes i'm proposing for this one. I'll have a look at the other one next.

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    Default Re: Ame Nochi Sweet*Drops translation corrections

    I agree with and have made the changes requested. I have left behind the old translation for posteriority.



    Code:
    This overwhelming loneliness is like being washed away by the shower
    The street that jumped out to me is a deep blue world
    That reflects my heart
    
    Weather forecasts, off the marks, liars, bursts of anger
    Stormed only my world
    I get it, but I'll say it
    
    Taking shelter from rain, in the corner of my expanding vision
    You were standing next to me, and whispered close to my ears
    
    You're lookin' at this world,
    but the way is too simple to live
    with a light heart
    Love makes the world go round
    I'll cast magic upon you
    
    
    From that day onwards, a new world began revolving
    Lemonade pours from the rift between the cotton candy clouds
    
    If we launch forward with this doughnut wheel ride
    The rubies and emeralds will flutter around the herd of zebras
    At a crossroad
    
    If we could gather raindrops without spilling them
    Each of them will be appetizers of delight
    
    Let's wrap and roll up both the sadness and pain in a sphere
    Do a handstand and see that the world is full of surprises
    
    I'm lookin' at this world,
    and the way is so happy that
    my smile is overflowing
    I got soaked from this raindrop shower but I'm even smiling
    At this beautiful world
    
    
    I change into my favorite pajamas
    Then if I close my eyes
    Tomorrow will also have drops after the rain
    
    You're lookin' at this world,
    but the way is too simple to live
    with a light heart
    The world has nothing
    Let's go make something for it 
    
    I'll teach even to you
    This special magic that I have
    First put this candy inside your mouth
    and when it melts away
    Let's sing it together!! 
    
    (Let's sing a happy song...)
    (Let's sing a sweet song...)
    (Let's sing a lovely song...)
    (The world will begin from here)

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