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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1
    Senior Member Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Jokes

    Post a joke, funny image, song, whatever.

    First you must make a comment about the humor of the post above yours.

    Note: if you use someone else's joke please give them credit. if you make up a joke tell us it's your original work and also google it to make sure nobody else beat you to it.

    Example: (Not mine) "I remember my very first night here—and this is goin’ on fifteen years ago—I was takin’ a walk downtown, tryin’ to get a feel for the place. And I’m walkin’ through a construction site—and it was all construction sites back then, you understand—and I come across this hole in the ground, ’bout ten feet in diameter. I look down and I can’t see a bottom, so I pull a quarter out of my pocket and toss it down, and listen for a clink or a splash. Nothin’. Coin just tumbles into the darkness and disappears. So now I’m real curious, and I look around for somethin’ else to throw down there. And teeterin’ right on the edge of the hole is an old refrigerator. So, I circle around and I give it a good kick and it tumbles down into the hole. I hear it bang off the side a few times but once again, there’s no crash, no splash, like it just kept fallin’ forever. It was the strangest thing. So I figure this is the first of this city’s many unknowable mysteries and I start to go on about my way. But then I see the second strange thing—this goat, it goes flying past me, in midair. Like it was fired from a cannon. And now I think I’m losin’ my mind, like maybe it’s not just tobacco in my cigar, if you know what I’m sayin’. So I walk along and I come across a guy sittin’ on the curb and I say, ‘Holy cow, partner, did you see that goat?’ And the fella says, ‘Well, that’s my goat.’ And I say, ‘Well, I hate to tell ya, but I think it’s gone. It took off flyin’.’ And the fella says, ‘That’s impossible. I had him chained to a refrigerator.’”

    ----David Wong



    Original joke by Clayton Overstreet (me) published in my book "Lesbian Jokes of a Positive Nature":

    Peter Pan goes up to Princess Tiger lily and says, "Tiger Lily, would you like to do somethin with me tonight?"
    She replies, "Sorry Peter, I can't. Tinkerbell, the mermaids and I are eating out."
    He asks. "What are you eating?"
    She replies, "We're having Wendy's."

    Also By me: Inuyasha and Sesshomaru are fighting. Sesshomaru says, "You can't beat me, i'm a full blooded demon. There's nothing you can do I can't do a thousand times better!"
    Inuyasha replies, "Oh yeah? Try clapping."




    One more by me:


    Dr. Drakkan: I heard you had your you-know-what replaced with a tiny golf club. How did that work out?
    Duff Killigan: Ta tell ya the truth lad, it's drivin' me nuts...


    From Google:






    The Assumption Song by John Anaya

    Last edited by Clayton_n; 05-06-2021 at 05:45 PM.
    Anime is a lot like sex. Done right it's a beautiful act of creation that brings a little more light into the world. If it's sick and wrong... it's even better.

    Author of "Slasher School Days", "How to Be an Anime Character", and "The Complete Lesbian Storybook" available from Amazon.com

  2. #2
    Senior Member Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: Jokes

    Your mother is so fat that when she wears Batman merchandise, he shows up.
    Anime is a lot like sex. Done right it's a beautiful act of creation that brings a little more light into the world. If it's sick and wrong... it's even better.

    Author of "Slasher School Days", "How to Be an Anime Character", and "The Complete Lesbian Storybook" available from Amazon.com

  3. #3
    Senior Member sirius707 can only hope to improve sirius707's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: Jokes

    Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?”

    “Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, “Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!”

    Although impressed, Bubba’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba’s knowing Cruise was just lucky.

    “No, no, just name anyone else,” Bubba says.

    “President Clinton,” his boss quickly retorts.

    “Yes,” Bubba says, “I know him. Let’s fly out to Washington.”

    And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Bubba, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.” Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

    After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

    “The Pope,” his boss replies. “Sure!” says Bubba.

    “My folks are from Poland, and I’ve known the Pope a long time.”

    So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what – I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

    Working his way to his boss’ side, Bubba asks him, “What happened?” His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, “Who’s that on the balcony with Bubba?”

  4. #4
    Senior Member Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: Jokes

    An Irishman was driving and got into an accident. When he woke up in the hospital the steering wheel had somehow become affixed over his crotch and the doctors could not remove it because it was messing with his X-rays. While he lay in bed staring that the thing a nurse came in and asked, "How's that thing treating you?" He looked up and said, "Ta tell ye the truth lass, it's drivin' me nuts."

    Alternatively

    A Scotsman loved golf so much he had his penis replaced with a golf club. A month later he's bending over wiggling his hips for the shot and going "Ow! ow! ow!" and his buddy asked him how it was treating him and he said, "Ta tell ye the truth lad, it's drivin' me nuts."


    Two boys are sitting his history class. one asks the other, "What's the difference between a joke and a horse's ****?" The other replies, "The teacher can't take a joke."
    Angry the teacher turns around and shouts, "Who said that?!"
    One of the other students raises his hand and hesitantly says, "Uh, Abraham Lincoln?"
    Last edited by Clayton_n; 11-03-2021 at 06:16 PM.
    Anime is a lot like sex. Done right it's a beautiful act of creation that brings a little more light into the world. If it's sick and wrong... it's even better.

    Author of "Slasher School Days", "How to Be an Anime Character", and "The Complete Lesbian Storybook" available from Amazon.com

  5. #5
    Senior Member Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n has a reputation beyond repute Clayton_n's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: Jokes

    So a spy walks into a dentist's office and says, "Could you take a look at my back molar? I think the cyanide capsule is a little--" *THUNK*
    Anime is a lot like sex. Done right it's a beautiful act of creation that brings a little more light into the world. If it's sick and wrong... it's even better.

    Author of "Slasher School Days", "How to Be an Anime Character", and "The Complete Lesbian Storybook" available from Amazon.com

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