AnimeGalleries [dot] NetAnimeWallpapers [dot] ComAnimeLyrics [dot] ComAnimePedia [dot] ComAnimeGlobe [dot] Com


User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Translation correction: staple stable

  1. #1
    Moderator
    AnimeLyrics Admin
    Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou's Avatar
    Gender
    Gifts Mic Piano
    Mentioned
    29 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    10-15-2020 03:34 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    on AnimeLyrics.com
    Threads
    69
    Posts
    383
    Blog Entries
    1
    AL Lyrics
    214
    Rep Power
    26

    Default Translation correction: staple stable

    https://www.animelyrics.com/anime/ba...aplestable.htm


    As before I'll write it in order kanji -> original translation -> new translation -> [explanation if needed]. It's a lyric correction so please could you look at it @EJTranslations

    君をとじた 言葉の針
    The needles that closed you up
    The needles made of words that closed you up

    来ないで
    こんな こんな私を
    見ないで
    そんな そんなとこまで
    話さないで
    あんな あんな笑顔で
    どんな 誰にも
    Don't come here
    To this kind of, kind of me.
    Don't look
    To that kind of, kind of place.
    Don't let go of me
    With that kind of, kind of smile
    You make to any kind of person.
    Don't come any closer,
    And don't look at someone, someone like me
    Down to those, those aspects.
    Don't talk
    To absolutely anyone
    With that, that kind of smile.
    [The hanasanaide is 話さないで in this first chorus (as opposed to the 放さないで later in the song), and I don't think the lines have been combined right in the original translation]


    心に飛び込んだら受け止めて
    If you jump into my heart, accept me.
    When I jump into your heart, accept me.
    [If 'you' are being compared to the ocean, then why would it jump into 'me'? Note that this appears multiple times through the song]

    君だけに 今 伝えるから
    Because I convey them only to you now.
    I'll now convey to them to you and just you.
    [I think the から is for emphasis, not meaning (I think the proper term is non-functional but don't quote me on that). Note that this appears multiple times through the song]


    いつから なぜ 不安に変わった?
    When did it turn into fear?
    Just when and why did it turn into your worry?

    こういう時 こういう事
    云える相手 思い浮かべてみた
    真っ先に.. やっぱ
    君だけなんだ
    These kind of times, these kind of things
    I tried remind the person I spoke with.
    At the very front... I knew it.
    It was only you.
    I tried to think of people that I could tell
    These kinda things at these kinda times.
    As I thought... the very first one
    Was you and only you.
    [I dunno I think the original is phrase very weirdly, and being so fixated on keeping words to their original lines is not helping]

    探して
    あんな あんな私も
    見抜いて
    こんな こんなとこまで
    Search
    For that kind of, kind of me
    See through
    To those kind of, kind of places.
    Search
    And see through even

    That kind of, kind of me
    Down to even these, these aspects of me
    [Same as the other version of this verse, also pretty sure the とこ is 'aspect' throughout the whole song, hence the choice of 見抜いて]


    もどかしすぎる距離
    背伸びしてみた
    I tried tip-toeing my way across
    An impatient distance
    I tried stretching myself to fill
    This far too frustrating distance

    明日も 隣で笑えるように
    It's so that I can smile by your side again tomorrow.
    I hope I can smile by your side again tomorrow.
    [I feel like this choice of ように fits better in context like 'there may be no certainty in these modest days, but I still wish to be with you']
    Last edited by Fuukanou; 05-16-2020 at 01:36 PM.

  2. #2
    Moderator
    AnimeLyrics Admin
    EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations's Avatar
    Gil
    32,878.56
    Gender
    Gifts Mic Mic Portal Companion Cube
    Mentioned
    72 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    06-25-2020 10:24 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Mars
    Threads
    122
    Posts
    1,154
    AL Lyrics
    714
    Rep Power
    55
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: xenographer Steam ID: xen0glossy

    Default Re: Translation correction: staple stable

    I agree with your corrections! I also feel that "Lined up, lying down. / In the sky we gazed up at. / The constellations drawn / Are a story only for the two of us." may not be wrong exactly, but if someone submitted that for a translation test I would probably reject it for being too line-by-line and not conveying how the lines are grammatically connected to one another. Even without that, I think you'd end up with edits to over half of the song, so would you like to do a new translation for it?

  3. #3
    Moderator
    AnimeLyrics Admin
    Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou has a reputation beyond repute Fuukanou's Avatar
    Gender
    Gifts Mic Piano
    Mentioned
    29 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    10-15-2020 03:34 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    on AnimeLyrics.com
    Threads
    69
    Posts
    383
    Blog Entries
    1
    AL Lyrics
    214
    Rep Power
    26

    Default Re: Translation correction: staple stable

    Thanks, I have made a translation for it. I also checked the original lyrics (https://www.uta-net.com/song/88910/) and the line division was wrong so I've made a fixed version of the romaji and kanji too.

    https://pastebin.com/i6BUQ6ze
    Last edited by Fuukanou; 05-20-2020 at 11:15 PM. Reason: corrections

  4. #4
    Moderator
    AnimeLyrics Admin
    EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations has a reputation beyond repute EJTranslations's Avatar
    Gil
    32,878.56
    Gender
    Gifts Mic Mic Portal Companion Cube
    Mentioned
    72 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    06-25-2020 10:24 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Mars
    Threads
    122
    Posts
    1,154
    AL Lyrics
    714
    Rep Power
    55
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: xenographer Steam ID: xen0glossy

    Default Re: Translation correction: staple stable

    Excellent, thank you!

+ Reply to Thread

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts