The Everlasting Guilty Crown

[Serine]

https://www.animelyrics.com/anime/gu...rlastinggc.htm

I noticed this translation used "thing" as a translation for something that was clearly "person", and then I looked more closely and noticed some other weirdness:

「支配し支配され人達は
いつかその心に憎しみを
そして愛することを思い出せず
争うの?」
Do people who control and are controlled
One day forget what it means to love
Because of the hatred in their hearts,
And attack others?
-> If people who control and are controlled
-> One day forget the hate in their hearts
-> And also forget how to love
-> Would they keep on fighting?

(The hatred isn't causing them to forget, the hatred is what's being forgotten.)

嵐の海を行く時も
決して臆することのない強さを
くれるから
Because even in times in which I must go to the stormy ocean,
It gives you strength
That never hesitates.
-> Even if you travel the stormy ocean
-> You will get the strength
-> To stop hesitating

(Mostly I just don't like the "I must" part, because it sounds worse and isn't in the original Japanese; the rest is just to make it flow better.)

「涙などとうに枯れて」
Their tears dried.
-> Their tears long since dried.

(I think there's no reason not to translate 「とうに」 here.)

「気付いて」
Notice it.
-> Pay attention.

("To notice" isn't really a conscious action that can be put in the imperative in English.)

「その目は互いを認めるため
その声は想いを伝えるため
その手は大事な人と繋ぐためにある」
Your eyes are for acknowledging each other.
Your voice is to convey your feelings.
Your hand is to hold with the one who is precious to you.
-> Your eyes are for acknowledging each other.
-> Your voice is for conveying your feelings.
-> Your hand is for holding the hand of the person who's precious to you.

(The last two lines were grammatically incorrect. The new version has better parallels between lines, anyway.)

「その手で守ろうとしたものは
愛する者だったのだろうか」
Are those things you tried to protect
The things you truly loved?
-> Are the things you tried to protect
-> Really the people you loved?

("Mono" can be either "thing" or "person", but if the lyric booklet uses 者, that's unambiguously "person".)

「必ずあなたは生きていく強さを
持てるから」
I am sure you will come out
Holding the strength to live on.
-> You will always come out with
-> The strength to live on

(While "to hold" is one definition of 持つ, it's clearly used to mean "to have" here. And while I'm touching this, I think "I am sure" sounds way too personal for this phrasing, and "always" works better.)

「この歌が聴こえてる
生命ある全ての者よ」
I can hear this song coming to me.
All you who have life,
-> If you can hear this song, it's for you,
-> Each and every one of you,

「この歌が聴こえてる
世界中の寄る辺なき者よ」
I can hear this song coming to me.
All of you who have nowhere to go,
-> If you can hear this song, it's for you,
-> If you have nowhere to go,

(Fuukanou pointed these out to me; they make more sense as one sentence than as two.)