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Thread: No More Time Machine

  1. #1
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    Default No More Time Machine

    https://www.animelyrics.com/anime/sa...imemachine.htm

    While I do think there are corrections to be made, there are many points in this translation where I can't tell if the liberal translation includes all the information of the Japanese or not. The problem comes with me being unable to make a liberal translation for my correction, but I will do my best.

    As before I'll write it in order kanji -> original translation -> new translation -> [explanation]. It's a translation correction, so please could you look at it @bluepenguin

    隙だらけの 顔並べて いつもと同じ話して
    For reference the next line: テレビの中 ヒーローが未来のために忙しそう
    Wearing expressionless faces, carrying out our same old conversations,
    Wearing silly shocked faces, having the same old conversations,
    [隙だらけの顔 translation wrong. This may be an interpretation thing but I'm pretty sure it's the heroes on TV in the next line that are pulling the faces and talking]

    まいるなぁ 一人が好きだったのに もう戻れない
    Don't come any closer! I like being by myself, there's no turning back
    Aww shucks, I used to like being alone, but I no longer can return to being like that
    [This may be open to interpretation, but it being まいるなぁ rather than まいるな makes me think it's not meant to be like 来るな but like まいったな. In addition, past tense on だった wasn't accounted for]

    他愛のない時間を分け合い
    Spending our time without caring for each other,
    Spending our time together doing nothing of note,
    [I struggled to find an appropriate, concise translation for 他愛のない but I think 'without caring for each other' is wrong]

    冒険映画とは 遠い毎日に
    呆れるような 溢れるような
    思い出し笑いが 続きますように
    The days that passed, were contrastingly differently from those action movies
    And even then, there were times worth recalling and laughing over
    I wish that it could continue like this forever...
    In these days passing by, contrastingly differently from those adventure movies,
    We exasperatedly, overflowingly burst out laughing from remembering something--
    I wish that it'll continue like this forever...
    [First line's 冒険映画 should be adventure film. The middle line in the kanji 呆れるような 溢れるような hasn't been accounted for at all. I can't find a way to incorporate it into the original translation without making a stupidly long line, so I have rewritten it]

    頑張れとか 元気でとか
    寄せ書きのようなエールを 言わずに
    If we can cut the pleasantries,
    And make do without wishing each other our best,
    We don't cheer one-another up like words like
    "You can do it!" and "Stay well" that'd you'd find on a group farewell card
    [This one is probably the most controversial correction of the bunch. I get that 寄せ書き isn't something that corresponds to anything English speakers would understand, but completely omitting it as simply 'pleasantries' feels kinda too liberal (but that's just for my taste, I admit). I have substituted it for a group farewell card which I feel is a approximate cultural substitution of 寄せ書き]

    敏感で鈍感な いつものままで
    からかいながら 笑い声が
    発車ベルよりも 鳴り響けばいい
    Let's bid farewell with our usual eccentricity,
    And laugh it all out together,
    With voices resounding in each other's heart
    Instead, we should let our voices, teasing and laughing
    In the same old sensitive yet still somehow dense way
    Echo out louder than the train's departure bell
    [敏感で鈍感な いつものままで being written off as 'our usual eccentricity' feels a little too liberal to me, as it lacks all the detail as to what it entails. からかいながら hasn't been accounted for at all, neither has 発車ベルよりも.]

    ずっと先の未来は 置いておいて ほら
    ありふれて ささやかな 二度と無い 時を行こう 今は
    Our future is laid out in front of us, take a look!
    Here's our chance, there's no turning back, let's traverse down the path of time!
    Forget about the future that's far far ahead of us, and come on
    Let's just pass this common-place, modest time that'll never come back... at least for now
    [I can't see how they got to the original translation]

    あの頃 頬杖ついて 夢見たタイムマシン
    戻りたくて 飛ばしたくて
    Recalling the time machine I saw in my dreams back then,
    Reminds me of how much I yearned, to rewind time; to escape from everything
    Back then, propping my chin up with my elbow against the desk, I dreamt of a time machine
    I wanted to return so badly, I wanted to leap back in time so badly
    [頬杖ついて hasn't been included, and I don't think 飛ばしたくて was talking about escaping from everything, it's more like activating the time machine and leaping back through time]

    In addition, the first chorus is repeated again so those first chorus sections will have to be replaced twice.
    I have a translation for this song: https://pastebin.com/u7UZjH8P but in case we go with just correcting the song that's already there, I can always submit that to the crosspost.

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    Default Re: No More Time Machine

    These corrections look good to me, so I'll go ahead and replace that translation.

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    Default Re: No More Time Machine

    I added it to the crosspost too, btw.

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