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Thread: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

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    Default I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    皆さん、こんにちは!

    Looking through the translation I have found something strange so I suggest some corrections.

    1. I feel that the first line means «When summer is over (already)»: «when» is close to «if» in its meaning but is not the same, I think.

    2. The 2nd and 3rd stanzas mean:

    «I stopped the time
    So that not to lose you
    In the twilight that came before long

    A lot of sadness sleeping insde the kindness —
    The one who taught me the meaning of this
    Is you»

    3. The 5th and 6th ones mean:

    «On the beach in the late evening
    Passing people are few
    And it's a little cold

    Even so far apart and frustrated
    The one who is always sharing a smile
    Is you»

    4. And the 8th stanza:
    «...
    There is warmth between us / that we share with each other».

    *
    Neither being native English speaker nor good in Japanese I may be very much mistaken of course and I'd be grateful if someone points me where.
    * Bleach One Love *

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    Hi, I agree with your corrections (for the most part), but @bluepenguin will have to agree too before any changes are made.
    Even though I'm a native speaker, my English is pretty clunky (fml) but I have some recommendations to make about the grammar:


    Line 1: 夏がもう終わるなら seems more like "If/when summer is going to come to an end soon, then...", depends on your interpretation. I'd say 'if' though

    Verse 2,3:
    «I stopped time
    To not lose you
    In the soon approaching twilight

    A lot of sadness sleeps inside the kindness- [don't use em-dashes, I don't think they display properly on the site]
    The one who taught me the meaning of this
    Was you»


    «On the beach in the late evening
    There are only a few people passing by
    And it's a little cold

    Even so far apart and frustrated
    The one who always smiled for me
    Was you»


    Verse 8: I think the bit 伝わる温もりがある is more like "I can feel your warmth"


    Just my thoughts though.
    Last edited by Fuukanou; 09-02-2019 at 08:41 PM.

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    Thanks a lot! I'll bear it all in mind!
    * Bleach One Love *

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    In the first line, if it were 終わったら it could be "when," but 終わるなら pretty strongly suggests "if" IMO.

    Otherwise I agree with the proposed changes, but they're extensive enough that I would want to replace the translation entirely. It's a bit tricky since you're not approved to submit translations, but my #1 priority is to have accurate translations on the site, so I'm willing to bend things a little in service of that. So I think the easiest way to go about this is for you to post a full translation here, and then I (and @Fuukanou , if he wants to) can suggest corrections if necessary, and we can basically work on it until we have a version we're both satisfied with. Does that work for you?

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    Good day, Bluepenguin! Sorry for the delay. Well, I think, I could try to post it considering recommendations given above, in a day or two.
    * Bleach One Love *

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    And here it is. And I failed to tie up the first line with the next two.

    *

    If summer is going to come to an end soon
    Something you started to say
    Disappeared in a wave

    I stopped time
    To not lose you
    In the soon approaching twilight

    A lot of sadness sleeps inside the kindness -
    The one who taught me the meaning of this
    Was you

    Ah, I want to tell you frankly
    I love you, I love you

    On the beach in the late evening
    There are only a few people passing by
    And it's a little cold

    Even so far apart and frustrated
    The one who always smiled for me
    Was you

    Ah, I want to tell you frankly
    I love you, I love you

    When we walk along together
    You are always on my right
    And I can feel your warmth, ah...

    Ah, I want to tell you frankly
    I love you, I love you
    I love you, I love you
    * Bleach One Love *

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    You can probably fix the first line by treating it as a 2nd person quote:

    "If summer is going to come to an end soon..."
    Something you started to say
    Disappeared in a wave


    In addition, I think "遠く離れてしまって苛立った時も" is probably more like "Even when I'm frustrated that we've gotten so far apart"


    But otherwise it looks OK to me.

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuukanou View Post
    ...by treating it as a 2nd person quote...


    In addition... "Even when I'm frustrated that we've gotten so far apart"
    Oh, I think that makes sense now, thanks!)
    * Bleach One Love *

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    This looks good to me! So just to make sure, is the following the version to be posted?

    "If summer is going to come to an end soon..."
    Something you started to say
    Disappeared in a wave

    I stopped time
    To not lose you
    In the soon approaching twilight

    A lot of sadness sleeps inside the kindness -
    The one who taught me the meaning of this
    Was you

    Ah, I want to tell you frankly
    I love you, I love you

    On the beach in the late evening
    There are only a few people passing by
    And it's a little cold

    Even when I'm frustrated that we've gotten so far apart
    The one who always smiled for me
    Was you

    Ah, I want to tell you frankly
    I love you, I love you

    When we walk along together
    You are always on my right
    And I can feel your warmth, ah...

    Ah, I want to tell you frankly
    I love you, I love you
    I love you, I love you

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    Yes, this is the one.
    * Bleach One Love *

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    Thanks! The page has been updated.

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    That's great, thanks!

    But... Is it OK I've been mentionted on the page as translator? I took the previous translation as a basis and just tried to fix it. I'd have never done this work from the beginning, really.

    And @Fuukanou helped me a lot.
    * Bleach One Love *

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    It was far enough from the original translation that it can be considered your translation. Also, nobody said no-one can help you out, else the Lyrics Discussion forum would be dead.

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    Default Re: I love you (Prince of Tennis)

    Well... If you say so... Thanks)
    * Bleach One Love *

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