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Thread: Lady in the Singing Room correction

  1. #1
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    Default Lady in the Singing Room correction

    Damesukekun said that Rei's translation of Lady in the Singing Room has "many" errors. I've had a look and I think the last verse has been misinterpreted.
    そうなの、あんたも偽りの愛をまた欲しがるのね。

    お金で買える愛情なんて、もう 「さよなら」でいいわ。
    Rei has
    That's right, you probably will also want a sincere love.
    It's not impossible, if you stop trying to buy love with money.
    But I think it means something like
    That's right, you too want insincere love again.
    As for love you can buy with money, let's end it with a goodbye.

    The only other point I have is that itoshisa, aijou and ai are all translated "love". Maybe aijou can be changed to affection to help bring out the effect of the lyrics?


    Apart from the last verse, while Rei's translation is a bit liberal, I don't think a literal translation would work. I'm not sure what the "many" errors could be.

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    Well, this was translated by animeyay (Rei did the romaji), and so if @Hikarin is alright with the changes, I can make them, as per this conclusion from an earlier thread:
    Quote Originally Posted by bluepenguin View Post
    If he's given Hikarin specifically permission to approve changes to his lyrics, then I think, @Fuukanou , that you can treat that the same way you would the original translator's approval of a correction/request for a correction to their own lyrics and go ahead without me.

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    Sorry I didn't realise it was animeyay's translation.



    If possible I'd like someone to review my suggestions before you make any changes.

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    Suggestion for last verse seems fine to me. (I do wonder about the wording of the second line, like the possibility of somehow carrying over the quotation usage, but I'm not sure if I can think of specific improvements)


    Not so sure about 'affection', though - personally, I get the impression that the use of 'aijou' here is deep enough to call for the use of 'love' even if it overlaps. Could be good to represent 'itoshisa' instead? (Not super confident about this whole matter, though - I'm just talking by feeling.)


    Also, sorry I can't be more helpful right now, but
    >求めるだけ求めて、すぐに「もう終わりにしよう。」の合図。
    >Seeking only what we want, we soon agree that we should put an end to this.

    Something about this line feels off to me, but I can't quite describe it yet.
    Last edited by bambooXZX; 08-06-2019 at 07:32 AM.

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    Quote Originally Posted by bambooXZX View Post
    >求めるだけ求めて、すぐに「もう終わりにしよう。」の合図。
    >Seeking only what we want, we soon agree that we should put an end to this.

    Something about this line feels off to me, but I can't quite describe it yet.

    The line seems to me to be kinda saying "You seek what just what you want, and then immediately indicate 'alright let's finish this up and stop' ", so it's about a lack of reciprocation.

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    if she feels no love in him, so i agree it makes sense that he's the one without affection and is involved for self-gratification only and signals he wants to stop when he's done without caring about her. How about this?

    You seek just what you want, and then immediately indicate (or signal), "Alright, let's finish this up."

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    All of these corrections look good to me.

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    ok thanks. so to summarize ...


    verses 3 and 6
    motomeru dake motomete, sugu ni "Mou owari ni shiyou." no aizu.
    →You seek just what you want, and then immediately indicate, "Alright, let's finish this up."



    verse 7
    sou na no, anta mo itsuwari no ai o mata hoshigaru no ne.

    →That's right, you too want insincere love again.
    okane de kaeru aijou nante, mou "Sayonara" de ii wa.
    →As for love you can buy with money, let's end it with a goodbye.



    Is anyone making the changes?

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    Quote Originally Posted by Raichu View Post
    Is anyone making the changes?

    I could make the changes but I don't know if we should seek permission from @Hikarin before making the changes.

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    If we're treating animeyay's translations as though they belong to her, then yeah, we should. I'll PM her.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    Hey guys. Sorry for the late drop by. A string of winter illnesses. =_=
    The suggestions seem fine to me.

    If you are content with what has been suggested, and if feel that you have done all you can in regards to the "itoshisa/aijou/ai" situation then, by all means, go ahead and submit the changes.


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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    Thanks for dropping by. I didn't see any consensus on itoshisa/aijou/ai so I'm fine with leaving it as it is, unless you yourself have any preference.


    (On a personal note, I really appreciate your translations, I find them helpful.)

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    No, I don't particularly have a preference on the matter. Having "affection" isn't a bad suggestion. You could also use words like "ardour" if you wanted to mix it up.


    (Wait, my translations or animeyay's? Because the majority of my old ones are rush jobs full of errors or try to be too liberal that the meaning becomes confused.
    That being said, I have a few that I am proud of.
    I've noticed you working on a lot of old songs. I like the way that you word some things. ^_^ It's always nice to see another person's perspective on lines.

    Actually, you just beat me to finishing the translation of "Romeo". That's not a problem or anything; I'll just dump my translation on my blog. But anyway, are you aware that this song is part of an album now? I only mention because I personally would have created a "LIP×LIP" artist section and submitted the song there. Of course, Honeyworks is fine too, but LIP×LIP would probably be more specific.
    The album was released in January, and it's called "どっちのkissか、選べよ。". "Romeo" is track #2.)


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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    I've noticed a few songs that are in two sections with different translations, so as long as bluepenguin doesn't mind, you can try creating a LIPxLIP section and submitting your translation there.


    I meant both as animeyay and Hikarin. It's just sometimes if I'm stumped with what something means, I find you usually seem to figure it out. If there are any mistakes I usually ignore them and move on, but maybe I'll submit suggestions for correction over here.



    Anyway, if you don't have any particular preference for the synonyms, then, dear mods, can we make the corrections?

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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    I'm aware that that happens, but it only creates a headache in the long run. I try to avoid knowingly doing that. There should really just be a static link that you can share between different pages. That way, if there is an edit that needs to be performed, all pages are updated.

    I only collaborated with ani on a select few of his songs. Wow, that was a long time ago now. Thank you for the compliment. ^_^ I don't get them all too often. If I am able to shed some light on a hazy situation, then I feel as though I have achieved something that I am meant to as a translator.
    Yes, well I am slowly working through all of my translations and updating them. That being said, if there is a particular lyric which you locate that has errors or whatnot, PM me and I will work on that before others. Rather than correcting individual lines, I'm rewriting them all from scratch.

    I know that I have mentioned this in the past, but if there are any doujin or vocaloid lyrics that you (or anyone else) are looking for, I may be able to provide them due to the fact that I buy a lot of CDs. Transcribing kanji lyrics really takes no time at all and it doesn't bother me. I honestly have more lyrics than I could ever hope to translate, so I'm happy to share what I collect with others.



    I'm happy to go with what everyone else suggests. If I think of anything later, I'll suggest a second edit.
    I'm a big Machige fan, so I'll more than likely end up doing my own translation eventually, and will be able to compare parts better then. He can be so vague with his lyrics, though. =_=


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    Default Re: Lady in the Singing Room correction

    @Raichu , are you sure you're not thinking that Hikarin and animeyay are the same person? As far as I'm aware, Hikarin is just acting as the designated spokesperson for animeyay when it comes to translation corrections.


    Anyway, I've made the corrections and kept the synonyms as is.

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