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Thread: Gareki no Shuuon Clarification

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    Default Gareki no Shuuon Clarification

    Hi, guys. I've been working on this song for quite a while now, meaning that I tried to translate it years ago but was dissatisfied and abandoned it.
    I discussed some parts with bluepenguin last year (who was an amazing aid, thank you), though I think some understanding of the entire song is needed to properly grasp its meaning.

    Here are the full kanji lyrics.
    http://www.kasi-time.com/item-45838.html


    Here are the parts I'm having trouble with.



    「蒼白の果てで紡がれる、心優しい少年と一人の魔女の物語」
    "This is the tale of a kind-hearted boy and one of those witches, spun from the pale conclusion”

    Okay, I might say that (if it be right), but.... what exactly IS "蒼白の果て"?
    WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!! I don't knooooow....



    褪めた日々は淀み 怠惰に溺れる
    血塗られた月夜(よる)は穢れ 無垢な衝動、翳して

    "無垢な衝動" kept getting to me, because when you read that, your English brain naturally thinks of "acting on pure impulse" (maybe something more like 純粋な衝動).
    In this case, it means an impulse that is "undefiled" though, right? That seemed so contradictory.
    My mind was kind of stuck on this point. Then, I considered another possibility.

    " Each drear day is stagnant, and spent indulging indolence
    The blood moon is corrupt, so let it swallow/consume my still pure impulses "

    My understanding of this song is that Shisferia (Sisphelia?) is struggling with her human past and emotions, as it is much simpler for her to become the cold-hearted witch. This would have to link to that in some way. Though, the jealous Ciruela seems to take things out of context, a little.
    Am I right on this train of thought, or am I taking the meaning wrong still?



    変わらぬ忠誠 誓いし下僕たる少女[Servant] シルエラ
    すべてを委ねた偏愛(あい)は永遠(とわ)に 虚構を壊す

    My most pained part. I am having SO much trouble with "虚構を壊す".
    The only way that I can get it to flow is to omit or change the word. If I leave it in, the sentence just sounds weird or incomplete.

    " Ciruela was a sworn servant of unshakeable loyalty
    Her eternal commitment devoted to (every task?), shatters the fantasy "
    .... though I don't know if it's an accurate summation.

    Maybe I just don't understand what the speaker is trying to say. Is she perhaps trying to say that Ciruela keeps シスフェリア in check, stopping her from having unrealistic notions?
    Maybe because Ciruela wants her to be the all-powerful being in whom she idolises, she will do anything to keep her that way, dispelling any and all distractions.
    If that is the case, does "すべてを委ねた偏愛" refer to pleasing her master in general, or is her commitment (at least in this sentence) directed at only this particular instance?

    Also, how would you romanise "シスフェリア"?
    "Shisferia" I think is the popular go-to, but I think it might be something more like "Sisphelia".



    遠い過去の約束 まだ人間(ひと)だったあの日
    未来を誓った 夕暮れ[Abend]
    ah…幼い恋 叶うことはなくて――――

    Is the second line meant to be something like "The dusk we pledged to our futures", or was it at dusk that it was pledged?





    That's all a bit to take in there, I know, but I would appreciate any help!
    Last edited by Hikarin; 01-18-2019 at 08:01 PM.


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    Default Re: Gareki no Shuuon Clarification

    I'd disregard my opinion on this because this is something that I'm usually wrong on, but 蒼白の果て sounds more like some place "the end of the paleness" to me. I don't know what that poetically means but that's just the impression I got.

    無垢な衝動 reads to me as ~~raw impulse. The 無垢 is being used more like 'unadulterated' pure rather than 'chaste' pure.

    I'd romanise シスフェリア as Sisphelia if you're going to use Ciruela for シルエラ, just for consistency if anything.

    For that final point, 未来を誓った 夕暮れ[Abend] sounds to me like just attributive form: ~~The evening that we vowed our futures / The evening on which we vowed our futures

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    Default Re: Gareki no Shuuon Clarification

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuukanou View Post
    I'd disregard my opinion on this because this is something that I'm usually wrong on, but 蒼白の果て sounds more like some place "the end of the paleness" to me. I don't know what that poetically means but that's just the impression I got.

    無垢な衝動 reads to me as ~~raw impulse. The 無垢 is being used more like 'unadulterated' pure rather than 'chaste' pure.

    I'd romanise シスフェリア as Sisphelia if you're going to use Ciruela for シルエラ, just for consistency if anything.

    For that final point, 未来を誓った 夕暮れ[Abend] sounds to me like just attributive form: ~~The evening that we vowed our futures / The evening on which we vowed our futures
    I really don't care - I just greatly appreciate that you're willing to assist. ^_^

    Yes, well, that is what I had as well for the longest time. But it simply makes no sense, at least to me. 果て to me, conveys some sense of a finality. What that finality is is debatable, but something like "end of the paleness" just didn't compute with me, no matter how long I thought about it. Truly, I know about as much as you on this so don't take my word for it, either.

    You could yet be right, but I see 無垢 used only in an essence of purity. Can you provide me with any examples that you might know of where it belies this?

    Well, I use "Ciruela" for "シルエラ" in this case because Ciruela is an actual word, seemingly a Spanish type of plum, which was probably given to her for a name due to the purplish-red hue to her hair in the images they provide of her.
    "シスフェリア" is different, though. I'm not familiar with what they would have drawn that name from, but the spelling that I have provided for it (Sisphelia) denotes a name of Greek origin (from the Greek Phi). I may be mistaken in doing so.

    Yeah, that makes sense and is probably the only logical probability now that I think about it. Sounds weird in English, though. I'll have to think of a better way of phrasing this....


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    Default Re: Gareki no Shuuon Clarification

    Yes, it is the 混じり気のない definition from https://eigobu.jp/magazine/muku

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    Default Re: Gareki no Shuuon Clarification

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuukanou View Post
    Yes, it is the 混じり気のない definition from https://eigobu.jp/magazine/muku
    Wow, thanks for that! It was an interesting read.
    I wouldn't have thought 無垢 and 純粋 to be entirely synonymous, but if they are saying that they can be, then who am I to disagree. In my mind, the former was more to do with an innocence and purity, and the latter, a firmer concept of greater confidence and at times, conviction.

    Really though, I appreciate you sharing that with me.

    Do you have any input to add for 虚構を壊す?


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    Default Re: Gareki no Shuuon Clarification

    I'd never seen 虚構 before so it's a bad idea asking me. I also didn't really understand the line apart from superficially, sorry.

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    Default Re: Gareki no Shuuon Clarification

    That's okay. Thanks anyway. ^_^

    I'm still not happy with what I've got, but I guess I can submit what I have and come back to it later. That's usually the way about things.
    Last edited by Hikarin; 01-20-2019 at 08:42 AM.


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    Default Re: Gareki no Shuuon Clarification

    For smoothness of the line in English, I might interpret 未来を誓った 夕暮れ[Abend] as "the evening we promised our futures to each other," though you may feel that's too much of a stretch.

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    Default Re: Gareki no Shuuon Clarification

    Quote Originally Posted by bluepenguin View Post
    For smoothness of the line in English, I might interpret 未来を誓った 夕暮れ[Abend] as "the evening we promised our futures to each other," though you may feel that's too much of a stretch.
    Not at all! The version that I think I'll go with is actually somewhat similar.

    Actually, my biggest gripe at the moment is trying to decide whether the style the song in third or first person. I looked back over what I have written, and I shocked to see I've mixed in a bit of both. I need to pick one viewpoint and stick with it.
    Last edited by Hikarin; 01-29-2019 at 10:04 PM.


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