An attempt to translate"Right Light Rise" by Kanon Wakeshima

[Lost247365]

This is my attempt to translate "Right Light Rise" I am sure there are a ton of errors but making errors is the best way to learn.

This is a video with lyrics to compare to:


Here is the transliteration on this site:
http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/dan...tlightrise.htm

EDIT: Suggested changes will be in teal with old text struck out

RIGHT LIGHT RISE
by Kanon Wakeshima

ボクの見てた一人分の景色の中　君の色があたりまえになる

boku no miteta hitori bun' no keishiki no naka kimi no iro ga atarimae ni naru

Within my portion of the scenery that I was seeing Your appearance has become the commonplace

知らなかった心地いい距離や くだらない意地の張り合い

shiranakatta kokochi ii kyouri ya kudaranai iji no hariai

A comfortable distance I didn't know and competitions of worthless pride

ほらまたすぐに笑い合えてる

hora mata suguni waraiaeteru

Look, we are smiling together again
Look, we are able to smile at each other again

日常を重ね合って行く　途切れず強くなって行く

nichijou wo kasaneatte iku tougirezu tsuyoku natte iku

Superimposed we go through daily life together, Without pause we go to become strong

ボクの心はきっと君の半分が満たすんだ　ぴったりと

boku no kokoro wa kitto kimi no han'bun' ga mitasun'da pittarito

Undoubtedly half of you fills my heart completely!

Okay, This last line is the first part that really bugs me with my own translation. Half of you fills my heart doesn't make much sense to me. Maybe by "kimi no han'bun' " she means their half of them as a couple? If so, I could retranslate this as "your half of us fills my heart completely." That makes more sense to me.

もっと寄り添って生きて行こう

motto yorisotte ikite ikou

Let's snuggle some more and go live
Let's go live more close to each other

Okay this part really bugs me. And after listening to the song a hundred times I think I finally figured out why. At 1:10 in the video I noticed that Ms Wakeshima DOES NOT sings "motto yorisotte ikite ikou" but rather "motte yorisotte ikitaika" which is different than the official kanji lyrics. Assuming she did say "ikitaika" this can be translated as either "生きたいか / do you want to live" or as "行きたいか / do you want to go?" Based on the context up to here I am assuming the latter.

If so, this fixes many of my issues in translating this song. For this verse, for example, I could translate it as "Do you want us to go stuggle some more?" Which makes way more sense.

ボク等なんだか似てるね

bokura nan'daka niteru ne

We sorta resemble (each other) don't we

頼りないとこも　補ってちょうどいいとこも

tayorinai tokomo oginatte choudo ii tokomo

In an unreliable place and in a compensated just right place
the places that I can't be relied on, are precisely the places you make up for


ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう

chan'to mukiatte ikite ikou

Properly facing each other Let's go live
Let's go live properly contrasting each other

Same issue here as above. At the 1:28 mark she says "ikitaika" not "ikite ikou." This changes the translation to "Do you want us to go to properly face each other?" Which sounds much less awkward.

It also makes the lyrics before it make way more sense too. In an unreliable place, in a well compensated place? It makes more sense if she is asking about facing each other in those places. Otherwise it sounds out of place.

Speaking of which, "a well compensated place" sounds wrong to me. Is there a better translation? Maybe "well maintained place?" I would greatly appreciate any suggestions

偶然の引力は

guuzen' no in'ryoku wa

As for chance's attraction
A chance attraction

神様だって予測できない 必然を示してるんだ

kamisama datte yosoku dekinai hitsuzen o shimeshiteru n'da

We show that it is an inevitability not even god could predict
shows an inevitability not even god could predict

I am translating "datte" as the abreviated form of "to wa itte mo" or "even if it were..."

ボクのピースは　不完全な形をしてて

boku no piisu wa fukazen' na katachi wo shitete

As for my peace, They say it is taking on an imperfect shape

脆くて弱い　そんなものだろうね

morokute yowai son'na mono darou ne

Brittle and weak, Its that kinda thing huh?

出会ったこれまでの選択を 「間違いじゃない」って言ってくれた

deatta kore made no takusen o "machigai janai" tte ittekureta

You said for me that the choice leading up to this chance encounter "is not a mistake"

This last verse gave me a bit of trouble due to the "tte" followed by another "itte." According to what I have learned "tte" is short hand for "to iu" which is used to quote a person and can be translated as "I/you/he/she/they say." So I would think that "tte ittekureta" would be translated more or less as "you said (as a favor to me) that you said" which just sounds awkward. It would be "You said, for me, that you said that the choice leading up to this chance encounter "is not a mistake." However, if I am remembering correctly tte can mean more than just "to iu" or less. So I translated the "tte" here as a simple "to." If this is wrong I will change it.

今君の声が追い風に響く ゆっくりと

ima kimi no koe ga oikaze ni hibiku yukkuri to

Now, like chased wind, your voice reverberates slowly
Now, in the fair winds, your voice reverberates slowly

もっと寄り添って 生きて行こう

moto yorisotte ikite ikou

Let's snuggle some more and go live
Let's go live more close to each other

Again, at 2:23 it REALLY does sound like she is saying "ikitaika"

ボク等なんだか似てるね

bokura nan'daka niteru ne

We sorta resemble (each other) don't we

落ち込む癖も　すぐ立ち直って顔を上げるとこも

ochikomu kusemo sugu tachi naotte kao o ageru tokomo

Falling into habbit again, Soon we recover and are in a place we can raise our faces again
Despite being depressed again, soon we recover and are where we can raise our faces again

ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう

Chan'to mukiatte ikite ikou

Properly facing each other let's go live
Let's go live properly contrasting each other

again this time at 2:40 sounds like she is saying "ikitaika"

お互いの引力は

otagai no in'ryoku wa

As for our mutal attraction,
Our mutual attraction

神様だって不可能な 可能性を含んでるんだ

kamisama datte fukanou na kanousei wo fukun'deru n'da

It contains a "impossible even if it was god" possibility

This sounds awkward, but I think the translation is correct. The next part is in English.

Raise right
Lower left
And both up
Shake it right to left,
So more
Lower right
Keep left
And both down
Let's try it more quickly

Raise right
Lower left
And both up
Clap your hands
You are not wrong!
Both up
Both down
And shake right
More shake left
Keep both and slow them down


日常を重ね合って行く　途切れず強くなって行く

nichijou wo kasane atte iku togirezu tsuyoku natte iku

Superimposed we go through daily life together, Without pause we go to become strong

君の心をそっとボクの半分が満たすんだ　ぴったりと ぴったりと

kimi no kokoro sotto boku no han'bun' ga mitasun'da pittari to

Secretly your heart fills my half completely! Completely!

Again, I suspect "boku no han'bun' " refers to them as a couple. She also repeats "pittari to" which doesn't seem to show in the lyrics.

もっと寄り添って 生きて行こう

motto yorisotte ikite ikou

Let's snuggle some more and go live
Let's go live more close to each other

At 4:03 this time. Sure seems like the lyric should be "ikitaika" and not "ikite ikou"

ボク等なんだか似てるね

bokura nan'daka niteru ne

We sorta resemble (each other) don't we

頼りないとこも　補ってちょうどいいとこも

tayorinai tokomo oginatte choudo ii tokomo

In an unreliable place and in a compensated just right place
the places that I can't be relied on, are precisely the places you make up for

ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう

Chan'to mukiatte ikite ikou

Properly facing each other let's go live
Let's go live properly contrasting each other

Again, this time she says "ikitaika" at 4:18.

偶然の引力は

guuzen' no in'ryoku wa

As for chance's attraction
A chance attraction

神様だって予測できない 必然を示してるんだ

kamisama datte yosoku dekinai hituzen wo shimeshiteru n'da

We show that it is an inevitability not even god could predict
shows an inevitability not even god could predict
示してるんだ

shimeshiteru n'da

We show it
It shows it

Okay that is my translation. Any problems, critiques, or suggestions?



EDIT: since my other post discussing the lyrics seems to have vanished I added my comments here via edit instead.