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Thread: An attempt to translate"Right Light Rise" by Kanon Wakeshima

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    Junior Member Lost247365 is on a distinguished road Lost247365's Avatar
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    Default An attempt to translate"Right Light Rise" by Kanon Wakeshima

    This is my attempt to translate "Right Light Rise" I am sure there are a ton of errors but making errors is the best way to learn.

    This is a video with lyrics to compare to:


    Here is the transliteration on this site:
    http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/dan...tlightrise.htm

    RIGHT LIGHT RISE
    by Kanon Wakeshima

    ボクの見てた一人分の景色の中 君の色があたりまえになる

    boku no miteta hitori bun' no keishiki no naka kimi no iro ga atarimae ni naru

    Within my portion of the scenery that I was seeing Your appearance has become the commonplace

    知らなかった心地いい距離や くだらない意地の張り合い

    shiranakatta kokochi ii kyouri ya kudaranai iji no hariai

    A comfortable distance I didn't know and competitions of worthless pride

    ほらまたすぐに笑い合えてる

    hora mata suguni waraiaeteru

    Look, we are smiling together again

    日常を重ね合って行く 途切れず強くなって行く

    nichijou wo kasane atte iku tougirezu tsuyoku natte iku

    Superimposed we go through daily life together, Without pause we go to become strong

    ボクの心はきっと君の半分が満たすんだ ぴったりと

    boku no kokoro wa kitto kimi no han'bun' ga mitasun'da pittarito

    Undoubtedly half of you fills my heart completely!

    Okay, This last line is the first part that really bugs me with my own translation. Half of you fills my heart doesn't make much sense to me. Maybe by "kimi no han'bun' " she means their half of them as a couple? If so, I could retranslate this as "your half of us fills my heart completely." That makes more sense to me.

    もっと寄り添って生きて行こう

    motto yorisotte ikite ikou

    Lets snuggle some more and go live
    Okay this part really bugs me. And after listening to the song a hundred times I think I finally figured out why. At 1:10 in the video I noticed that Ms Wakeshima DOES NOT sings "motto yorisotte ikite ikou" but rather "motte yorisotte ikitaika" which is different than the official kanji lyrics. Assuming she did say "ikitaika" this can be translated as either "生きたいか / do you want to live" or as "行きたいか / do you want to go?" Based on the context up to here I am assuming the latter.

    If so, this fixes many of my issues in translating this song. For this verse, for example, I could translate it as "Do you want us to go stuggle some more?" Which makes way more sense.

    ボク等なんだか似てるね

    bokura nan'daka niteru ne

    We sorta resemble (each other) don't we

    頼りないとこも 補ってちょうどいいとこも

    tayorinai tokomo oginatte choudo ii tokomo

    In an unreliable place and in a compensated just right place

    ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう

    chanto mukiatte ikite ikou

    Properly facing each other Lets go live

    Same issue here as above. At the 1:28 mark she says "ikitaika" not "ikite ikou." This changes the translation to "Do you want us to go to properly face each other?" Which sounds much less awkward.

    It also makes the lyrics before it make way more sense too. In an unreliable place, in a well compensated place? It makes more sense if she is asking about facing each other in those places. Otherwise it sounds out of place.

    Speaking of which, "a well compensated place" sounds wrong to me. Is there a better translation? Maybe "well maintained place?" I would greatly appreciate any suggestions

    偶然の引力は

    guzen' no in'ryoku wa

    As for chance's attraction

    神様だって予測できない 必然を示してるんだ

    kamisama datte yosoku dekinai hitsuzen o shimeshiteru n'da

    We show that it is an inevitability not even god could predict
    [/centerr]

    I am translating "datte" as the abreviated form of "to wa itte mo" or "even if it were..."

    [center[ボクのピースは 不完全な形をしてて

    boku no piisu wa fukazen' na katachi wo shitete

    As for my peace, They say it is taking on an imperfect shape

    脆くて弱い そんなものだろうね

    morokute yowai son'na mono darou ne

    Brittle and weak, Its that kinda thing huh?

    出会ったこれまでの選択を 「間違いじゃない」って言ってくれた

    deatta kore made no takusen o "machigai janai" tte ittekureta

    You said for me that the choice leading up to this chance encounter "is not a mistake"

    This last verse gave me a bit of trouble due to the "tte" followed by another "itte." According to what I have learned "tte" is short hand for "to iu" which is used to quote a person and can be translated as "I/you/he/she/they say." So I would think that "tte ittekureta" would be translated more or less as "you said (as a favor to me) that you said" which just sounds awkward. It would be "You said, for me, that you said that the choice leading up to this chance encounter "is not a mistake." However, if I am remembering correctly tte can mean more than just "to iu" or less. So I translated the "tte" here as a simple "to." If this is wrong I will change it.

    今君の声が追い風に響く ゆっくりと

    ima kimi no koe ga oikaze ni hibiku yukkuri to

    Now, like chased wind, your voice reverberates slowly

    もっと寄り添って 生きて行こう

    moto yorisotte ikite ikou

    Let's snuggle some more and go live

    Again, at 2:23 it REALLY does sound like she is saying "ikitaika"

    ボク等なんだか似てるね

    bokura nan'daka niteru ne

    We sorta resemble (each other) don't we

    落ち込む癖も すぐ立ち直って顔を上げるとこも

    ochikomu kusemo sugu tachi naotte kao o ageru tokomo

    Falling into habbit again, Soon we recover and are in a place we can raise our faces again

    ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう

    Chan'to mukiatte ikite ikou

    Properly facing each other let's go live

    again this time at 2:40 sounds like she is saying "ikitaika"

    お互いの引力は

    otagai no in'ryoku wa

    As for our mutal attraction,

    神様だって不可能な 可能性を含んでるんだ

    kamisama datte fukanou na kanousei wo fukun'deru n'da

    It contains a "impossible even if it was god" possibility

    This sounds awkward, but I think the translation is correct. The next part is in English.


    Raise right
    Lower left
    And both up
    Shake it right to left,
    So more
    Lower right
    Keep left
    And both down
    Let's try it more quickly

    Raise right
    Lower left
    And both up
    Clap your hands
    You are not wrong!
    Both up
    Both down
    And shake right
    More shake left
    Keep both and slow them down


    日常を重ね合って行く 途切れず強くなって行く

    nichijou wo kasane atte iku togirezu tsuyoku natte iku

    Superimposed we go through daily life together, Without pause we go to become strong

    君の心をそっとボクの半分が満たすんだ ぴったりと

    kimi no kokoro sotto boku no han'bun' ga mitasun'da pittari to

    Secretly your heart fills my half completely!

    Again, I suspect "boku no han'bun' " refers to them as a couple. She also repeats "pittari to" which doesn't seem to show in the lyrics.

    もっと寄り添って 生きて行こう

    motto yorisotte ikite ikou

    Lets snuggle some more and go live

    At 4:03 this time. Sure seems like the lyric should be "ikitaika" and not "ikite ikou"

    ボク等なんだか似てるね

    bokura nan'daka niteru ne

    We sorta resemble (each other) don't we

    頼りないとこも 補ってちょうどいいとこも

    tayorinai tokomo oginatte choudo ii tokomo

    In an unreliable place and in a compensated just right place

    ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう

    Chanto mukiatte ikite ikou

    Properly facing each other let's go live

    Again, this time she says "ikitaika" at 4:18.

    偶然の引力は

    guzen no in'ryoku wa

    As for chance's attraction

    神様だって予測できない 必然を示してるんだ

    kamisama datte yosoku dekinai hituzen wo shimeshiteru n'da

    We show that it is an inevitability not even god could predict

    示してるんだ

    shimeshiteru n'da

    We show it

    Okay that is my translation. Any problems, critiques, or suggestions?



    EDIT: since my other post discussing the lyrics seems to have vanished I added my comments here via edit instead.
    Last edited by Lost247365; 10-14-2018 at 12:44 AM. Reason: spacing error/spelling error/adding discussion points
    迷いだということまで私達は自分達を見つけり始まれない

    ヘンリーデイヴィッドソロー

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    Default Re: An attempt to translate"Right Light Rise" by Kanon Wakeshima

    Your second comment got caught in the moderation filter. It happens sometimes, unfortunately; it's unpredictable and there's not much that can be done about it. When that happens, I prefer if people don't repost--if you wait, I'll approve it the next time I'm on.

    Anyway, I'm just going to cover some broad points of grammar rather than really getting into fine details, which I don't think will be helpful to you at this stage.

    ほらまたすぐに笑い合えてる
    The verb here is in the potential form--it's going to be very useful to you to learn to spot it.

    もっと寄り添って生きて行こう
    I think 寄り添って is more figurative here and is intended as sort of a way of living, rather than being separate from 生きて行こう. This being the case, 生きたいか would also work for what she actually sings.

    "-て行く" is a construction that means "to go on doing something" or "to do something from now on." Some examples here.

    All of this also applies for ちゃんと向き合って 生きて行こう.

    補う isn't really "compensate" in the sense of payment (which is what "well compensated" sounds like, though I don't know if that's what you meant), but rather to make up for something. I think, though the reciprocal 合う isn't present, that the idea is probably that the singer and the addressee complement each other, or make up for each other's weaknesses.

    偶然の引力は
    神様だって予測できない 必然を示してるんだ
    A noun followed by "の" isn't necessarily possessive; sometimes it makes the noun function as an adjective (see the section here titled "'No' as a General Modifier"). "偶然の" specifically often functions in this way.

    Also, while I know they teach you in Japanese class that "は" means "As for...", that's almost never a good way to actually translate it. In this case the noun phrase before "は" is functioning straightforwardly as the subject of the sentence, the entity that's doing the action of the verb (示してる).

    You're correct about the usage of だって. 神様だって~できない is a pretty common phrase that you'll probably be seeing again.

    って言う means the same thing as と言う. It may be redundant, but languages do that--they're not perfectly textbook-grammatical in actual use.

    追い風 has its own specific meaning rather than being two separate words--you should be sure to look combinations like this up when they're unfamiliar to you to see if that's the case. Same issue with 落ち込む.

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