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Thread: Monty Python's Death Note

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    Wink Monty Python's Death Note

    A chilling scene from Monty Pythonís Death Note.

    Ryuk walks into an apple store.

    Ryuk: Excuse me, do you have any Jonathan apples?

    Clerk: Sorry sir, we are fresh out.

    Ryuk: OK, then . How about Braeburn?

    Clerk: Sold out yesterday sir.

    Ryuk: Fuji?

    Clerk: No sir.

    Ryuk: Golden delicious?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Northern Spy?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Arkansas Black?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Granny Smith?

    Clerk: Yes sir, we have Granny Smith. (Turns around to look.) Iím sorry. Weíre all out of Granny Smith.

    Ryuk: Jersey Mack?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Gala?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Mutsu?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Honeycrisp?

    Clerk: Oh, yes! We do have Honeycrisp.

    Ryuk: Very well, I will take a dozen Honeycrisp.

    Clerk: They are a bit soft, sir.

    Ryuk: Thatís OK. I like them soft.

    Clerk: Very good then. A dozen Honeycrisp. (Turns to look.) Iím sorry sir, we are out of Honeycrisp.

    Ryuk: Ambrosia?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Red Delicious?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Cameo?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Shizuka?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: See here, this is an apple store?

    Clerk: Yes sir, we are an apple store.

    Ryuk: And you do sell apples?

    Clerk: Yes sir, we sell apples and only apples.

    Ryuk: OK, then. Just checking. Sundance?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Stayman?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Enterprise?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: McIntosh?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Ginger Gold?

    Clerk: No.

    Ryuk: Lodi?

    Clerk: No. Why donít I just tell you what we do have?

    Ryuk: No, Iíd rather do it this way.
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  2. #2
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    Default Re: Monty Python's Death Note

    Part II

    Light walks into a registrar's office.

    Clerk: May I help you?

    Light: Yes, I would like a shinigami license please.

    Clerk: A what?

    Light: A shinigami license. A license for my pet shinigami, Ryuk.

    Clerk: How do you know my name is Ryuk?

    Light: No, Ryuk is the name of my pet shinigami.

    Clerk: Oh. Well, there's no such thing as a shinigami license.

    Light: There is too.

    Clerk: There is not.

    Light: There is too.

    Clerk: No, there isn't.

    Light: Well I have an old shinigami license right here. (Hands it to the clerk.)

    Clerk: This is a dog license with the word dog crossed out an the word shinigami written in.
    Has Donald Trump ever been with a woman who doesn't have fake breasts?

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