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Thread: Aikawa Nanase - Hikari to Kage no Labyrinth

  1. #1
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    Default Aikawa Nanase - Hikari to Kage no Labyrinth

    Hi all, I usually lurk, but the translation to this song has so many inaccuracies that I could not resist speaking out. Starting from the top:


    Line 1: Yuube mita yume ga nazeka atama kara hanarenai yo
    昨晩見た夢がなぜか頭から離れないよ


    Current translation: Last night I had a satisfying dream, but now my head is empty
    My correction: Somehow last night’s dream refuses to leave my mind

    Comment: Nowhere is there "satisfying" in the original line, and what happened to "yuube" (last night) and "hanarenai" (cannot let go of) in the current translation?

    Line 2: Kuzure ochiru tou no naka
    kanji: 崩れ落ちる塔の中


    Current translation: I fell and shattered inside
    My correction: Emerging from a crumbled tower

    Line 4: Dareka koko kara tsure dashite
    ダレカ ココカラ ツレダシテ


    Current translation: Someone in this place should come to keep me company
    My correction: SOMEONE TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS PLACE

    Comment: "Tsuredasu" is the opposite of "come to keep me company." I put everything in caps because of the all-katakana sentence; it's a stylistic thing.


    The entire translation continues like this, line by line, as with the second verse:

    Hikari to kage no rabirinsu deguchi mitsu kara nai mama 光と影の迷路 出口見つからないまま
    Itsuka kagayaku sono toki wo yume miteta いつか輝く その瞬間を夢見てた
    Daijobu dayo kitto jibun ni ii kikasete 大丈夫だよきっと 自分に言い聞かせて
    Ashita ni mukatte yukkuri to 明日に向かってゆっくりと
    Aruki dashite miru yo mou ichido 歩き出してみるよ もう一度


    Current translation: I'm in a labyrinth of shadows and lights, the secret exit is empty enough as it is
    Until that time my shining dreams will stay concealed
    And I assure myself that it will be okay and good
    Tomorrow I will slowly face my fears
    Only to see that I have already destroyed them


    My correction: In the labyrinth of light and shadow, I cannot find the way out
    I dreamed of some brilliant time
    “Surely it will be all right” so I told myself
    Facing tomorrow in no hurry
    I will stroll out once again



    My Japanese isn't the best, but I think this translation needs a re-write.

    The current romaji and translation are here: https://www.animelyrics.com/jpop/aikawananase/htknl.htm

    My full translation version is here:
    http://melodycafe.iconoclastiac.net/?p=312
    Note: requires clicking on the "English translation" tab, or see the RTF text file below:
    http://melodycafe.iconoclastiac.net/...%20(r,t,k).rtf

    Is it okay to submit an alternate translation from the submission page in this case?

    Thanks,
    ico.

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    Default Re: Aikawa Nanase - Hikari to Kage no Labyrinth

    Thanks; I agree this needs replacing. Can you give me a version of your translation with straight quotes and apostrophes instead of smart quotes (the curly ones)? I'd really appreciate it.

    As for your question, replacement translations should always be submitted on this forum and not from the submission page.

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    Default Re: Aikawa Nanase - Hikari to Kage no Labyrinth

    Somehow last night’s dream refuses to leave my mind:
    Emerging from a crumbled tower
    No matter how many times I cried out for help, only empty echoes returned.
    SOMEONE TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS PLACE

    In the labyrinth of light and shadow, I cannot find the way out
    I dreamed of some brilliant time [1]
    "Surely it will be all right" so I told myself
    Facing tomorrow in no hurry
    I will stroll out once again

    Although everything I held in my hands soon slipped between my fingers
    And fell away,
    This small, red flame within my heart
    Wavers, but will never go out

    In the labyrinth of light and shadow, I embraced
    The feeling of obliteration while I lived on, always
    "Surely it will be all right" so I muttered alone
    Always believing
    In that vision of tomorrow [2] once again

    In the labyrinth of light and shadow, I cannot find the way out
    I dreamed of some brilliant time
    "Surely it will be all right" so I told myself
    Facing tomorrow in no hurry
    I will stroll out once again

    In the labyrinth of light and shadow, surely it will be all right
    Once again I walk toward tomorrow

    ==========
    Footnotes:

    [1] kanji: shunkan. Reading provided: "toki"
    [2] kanji: mirai. Reading provided: "ashita"

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    Default Re: Aikawa Nanase - Hikari to Kage no Labyrinth

    Thanks! The former translation has been replaced.

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