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Thread: Lovely Summer-chan feat. Izumi Makura - 202

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    Default Lovely Summer-chan feat. Izumi Makura - 202

    Once again, I've got translation questions; as usual, I'll take feedback on things I didn't ask about as well.

    202号室 さようなら
    この部屋の春の匂いも思い出になるでしょう
    二つ並んだ歯ブラシ
    私には大きすぎるTシャツ
    シェービングフォームも
    使えないから 燃えるゴミに出そう

    202 goushitsu sayounara
    kono heya no haru no nioi mo omoide ni naru deshou
    futatsu naranda haburashi
    watashi ni wa ookisugiru T-SHATSU
    SHEEBINGU FOOMU mo
    tsukaenai kara moeru GOMI ni dasou

    Goodbye to apartment 202
    Even the smell of spring in this room will soon become a memory
    The two toothbrushes side by side
    The t-shirt that's too big for me
    And the shaving foam--
    I can't use them, so I'll put them out with the burnable trash
    *
    甘い、苦い、辛い、酸っぱい
    色んな気持ち味わって
    昔より少し丸くなったよ
    だんだん好きになって
    どんどん駄目になった
    君のお下がりの毛布が暖か過ぎたせい

    amai, nigai, karai, suppai
    ironna kimochi ajiwatte
    mukashi yori sukoshi maruku natta yo
    dandan suki ni natte
    dondon dame ni natta
    kimi no osagari no moufu ga atatakasugita sei

    Sweet, bitter, spicy, sour
    The flavors of various feelings
    Have mellowed a little from what they used to be
    I fell in love slowly
    And out of love quickly [1]
    Because the blanket you offered up was too warm

    青い日々がいつまででも続くなんて思っていた
    幼すぎる私たちに降る土砂降り
    酷い目眩

    aoi hibi ga itsu made demo tsudzuku nante omotte ita
    osanasugiru watashi-tachi ni furu doushaburi
    hidoi memai

    I foolishly thought these youthful days would go on forever
    We're too young; a heavy rain pours down on us
    And I feel terribly dizzy [2]

    足首までの深さ安心してはしゃいでいた
    分かりやすいしぐさでいつもカワイイふりをしていた
    泡になって消えようと
    ありったけの熱量で君を見たこと
    そんなのに限って簡単にはバレないんだもんな

    ashikubi made no fukasa anshin shite hashaide ita
    wakariyasui shigusa de itsumo KAWAII furi o shite ita
    awa ni natte kieyou to
    arittake no netsuryou de kimi o mita koto
    sonna no ni kagitte kantan ni wa BAREnai n'da mon na

    In it up to my ankles, I was frolicking without a care
    I was always putting on a cute act with easy-to-understand gestures
    It will become a bubble and disappear
    If I limit myself to looking at you with all the warmth I have
    The truth won't slip out easily[3]

    いつまでたっても譲れなかった自分のものさし
    退屈になっちゃって二人して投げたさじ 遠く遠く
    もうあの甘いのも掬えない
    向こうで待つ新しい背景に
    君を重ねることもない
    なのに思い出すのは同じ日

    itsu made datte mo yuzurenakatta jibun no monosashi
    taikutsu ni nachatte futari shite nageta saji tooku tooku
    mou ano amai no mo sukuenai
    mukou de matsu atarashii haikei ni
    kimi o kasaneru koto mo nai
    na no ni omoidasu no wa onaji hi

    The ruler that I never lent you
    The spoon that the two of us threw when we'd become bored is far, far away [4]
    It can't scoop up that sweetness anymore
    In the new scenery that awaits ahead of me
    There won't be anything to remind me of you [5]
    But even so, I'll be remembering the same day

    明日は どこで 誰の夢を見ている だろう
    私たちは 水に濡れた ロウソク みたい
    さようなら すら 言えない まま
    あっけないんだ ねこんな ことって
    どっかで 分かっていたなら
    歌って あげる さよなら
    今更だけど隠さずに
    不思議と響くナチュラルに
    *
    asu wa doko de dare no yume o mite iru darou
    watashi-tachi wa mizu ni nureta ROUSOKU mitai
    sayounara sura ienai mama
    akkenai n'da ne konna koto tte
    dokka de wakatte ita nara
    utatte ageru sayounara
    ima sara dakedo kakusazu ni
    fushigi to hibiku NACHURARU ni
    *
    Tomorrow, I wonder where we'll be and who we'll be dreaming of
    We're like candles that have been doused with water
    We can't even say goodbye
    It's so disappointing, isn't it?
    If you've understood this, wherever you are,
    Though it's too late now,
    I'll sing my goodbye to you without hiding anything
    In a natural that resonates mysteriously [6]
    *
    ぬるい日差しに騙されて
    段ボールに何を詰めた ?
    この 街には帰らないよ 帰れないよ
    悪い夢から 醒ましてよ
    *
    nurui hizashi ni damasarete
    danbooru ni nani o tsumeta?
    kono machi ni wa kaeranai yo kaerenai yo
    warui yume kara samashite yo
    *
    Silenced by the lukewarm sun,
    What was packed into the cardboard box?
    I won't come back--I can't come back--to this town
    Wake from your nightmare

    [1] I know this is taking a bit of liberty, but I think it preserves a little of the parallel structure of this line and the preceding one that is otherwise lost in English?

    [2] I'm not quite sure what's going on with these last two lines or who's feeling dizzy.

    [3] I had trouble parsing these two lines and I don't think what I ended up with is correct.

    [4] Have I wildly misinterpreted something or is this line exactly as weird as it sounds?

    [5] This is another liberty, but I think that's the basic intent of the line and "there won't be anything that overlaps with you" just sounds weird.

    [6] I assume "a natural" is used as in the musical definition (a note that's not sharp or flat), but it does feel a bit weird used as a noun just hanging out there by itself? Even with the previous mention of singing, it doesn't feel like the music context has been... set up well enough to make it make sense? But maybe I'm overthinking.

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    Default Re: Lovely Summer-chan feat. Izumi Makura - 202

    For [1], could it be that it's the singer that's becoming 駄目 as a result of the love and not the love itself? (or am I just not getting this translation you're going for)
    Last edited by Fuukanou; 07-26-2017 at 03:48 PM.
    [Notice: the preceding post was written by someone with a poor grasp of the Japanese language. If you could correct me when I make mistakes, it'd be much appreciated.]

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    Default Re: Lovely Summer-chan feat. Izumi Makura - 202

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuukanou View Post
    For [1], could it be that it's the singer that's becoming 駄目 as a result of the love and not the love itself? (or am I just not getting this translation you're going for)
    No, you're right about what I thought, that どんどん駄目になった applied to their relationship. I hadn't considered that it might apply to the singer, but that's definitely a possibility. I think I'd struggle to find a way to phrase that in English that didn't make her sound more negative about herself than she actually seems to be, though.

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    Default Re: Lovely Summer-chan feat. Izumi Makura - 202

    To clarify further, since I wrote the last post when I was about to leave the house so I didn't have much time:

    If 駄目 applies to the singer, then she's saying something like "because of the too-warm blanket you offered I became 駄目 [and so that's why I have to leave you, because I don't want to be that way anymore]," right? But the common translations for 駄目(になる) that you would be able to use in the context of it referring to a person would be things like "I became useless" or "I was ruined," all carrying, I feel, much harsher implications than the original does. Whereas taking a more literal approach to applying 駄目になる to the relationship, you could say things like "it went bad/went wrong/failed quickly," which is more on the same level of negativity as the original. If that makes sense. But of course I don't want to rule out a plausible interpretation just because it doesn't have as elegant of a translation.

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    Default Re: Lovely Summer-chan feat. Izumi Makura - 202

    I agree with your logic. I also feel like there are lots of phrases that people say in Japanese that just don't have the right tone when you translate them, or would require really wordy translations to convey. I think your translation is fine with regards to [1], but I'm not really too sure on your other questions.
    [Notice: the preceding post was written by someone with a poor grasp of the Japanese language. If you could correct me when I make mistakes, it'd be much appreciated.]

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    Default Re: Lovely Summer-chan feat. Izumi Makura - 202


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    Default Re: Lovely Summer-chan feat. Izumi Makura - 202

    Quote Originally Posted by bambooXZX View Post
    Aaaah, that makes so much more sense--it didn't occur to me to look up if it was an existing expression, for some reason. Though this raises further questions about how to translate it, because I'm pretty sure the 掬えない in the next line is further playing on the spoon thing, so if I go for a similar English expression (throwing in the towel comes to mind?), that little bit of wordplay stops making sense, unless I change that as well to fit with my translation of the previous line. I don't love going "here is a literally translated thing with a footnote explaining what it really means and why it's kind of clever in Japanese" unless I'm well and truly stuck for alternatives, but I always get nervous about taking too much poetic license, as well. (Though of course if I did go with a looser translation I would also include an explanatory footnote.)

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