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Thread: Remioromen - Konayuki

  1. #1
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    Default Remioromen - Konayuki

    About to start another fire...

    http://www.animelyrics.com/jpop/remioromen/konayuki.htm

    I'd like to make some heavy corrections, as a lot of the translation is inconsistent and/or ignoring several things... So here we go:

    1. The title: 粉雪 more correctly translates to "Powdered Snow" or "Powder Snow" as opposed to "Snow Powder". The difference is subtle, but we're talking about snow which has the quality of powder, not powder that has the quality of snow.

    2. Verse 1:
    粉雪舞う季節はいつもすれ違い
    人ごみに紛れても同じ空見てるのに
    風に吹かれて似たように凍えるのに

    Currently translated as:
    Season of snow powder always come
    Although we are mixed up with a mass of people
    we are looking on the same sky
    Blown by the wind, and we are chilled by it

    My translation:
    The season when the powder snow falls has a different intention;
    We're lost in a sea of people even though we're looking at the same sky.
    Even though the wind blows to the point of freezing.

    My reasoning:
    すれ違い has two meanings: One is when, for example, two people cross paths without meeting. The other is when there is a cross purpose, such as different intentions. Since we are talking about a season, my understanding is that the season is acting against the wishes of the subject.

    のに at the end of a phrase usually refers to an undesired or unexpected result from a course of events. I'm interpreting this as such: To be looking at the same sky is kind of a poetic/romantic trope in Japanese literature, so the implication is that to share that connection is the intention of the subject with the person this song is most likely about, however, there is a sea of people that is getting in the way, and also, this sea of people is here despite the fact that it's freezing cold.

    3. Bridge 1:
    些細な言い合いもなくて同じ時間を生きてなどいけない
    素直になれないなら喜びも悲しみも空しいだけ

    Currently translated as:
    It's impossible to live in the same time with no single quarrel
    If we can't be honest, happiness and sadness are just meaningless

    My translation:
    It doesn't work to live in the same time without having even petty arguments
    If we aren't honest, happiness and sadness are just empty

    My reasoning:
    This is a minor change. The word 些細 (petty, trivial) isn't represented in the current translation.

    4. Bridge 2:
    分かり合いたいなんて
    上辺を撫でていた(なでていた)のは僕のほう
    君の悴んだ(かじかんだ)手も握り閉めることだけで繋がってたのに

    Currently translated as:
    We want to understand each other
    It's me who softly brush the surface
    Just by tightly gripping your numb and cold hand
    We are tied to each other

    My translation:
    We want to understand each other, and yet
    I'm the one who is caressing the surface
    Even though just by taking your cold, numb hand in mine we connected

    My reasoning:
    There is a feeling that there are some mixed signals between the author and the other person -- なんて typically is used in a sentence when the preceding is viewed negatively (in this case, 分かり合いたい), so there is a sense of not fully understanding what those words really mean when in his point of view they have already connected by contact, and when he's putting in effort to show his feelings. Therefore, it feels like he's expressing the contradiction of words and actions.

    5. Chorus 2:
    粉雪ねえ永遠を前にあまりに脆く
    ざらつくアスファルトの上染みになってゆくよ

    Currently translated as:
    Snow powder is too fragile
    In front of us, keep on leaving stains on the rough asphalt forever

    My translation:
    The powder snow before us, in its frailty,
    Will continue to stain the rough asphalt forever

    My reasoning:
    The word order just didn't make sense, so I just rewrote the phrase in a wording that was clearer.

    6. Chorus 3:
    粉雪ねえ時に頼りなく心は揺れる
    それでも僕は君のこと守り続けたい

    Currently translated as:
    Snow powder doesnot rely on time, moving our heart
    Nevertheless, I'd still like to keep on protecting you

    My translation:
    The powder snow sways my heart without relying on time
    But even so, I want to keep protecting you

    My reasoning:
    Again, the word order and choice wasn't very clear.

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    Default Re: Remioromen - Konayuki

    I'm sorry I missed this until now! Anyway, the original translator was apparently last seen in 2007, so please go ahead and give me a complete translation.

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    Default Re: Remioromen - Konayuki

    Quote Originally Posted by bluepenguin View Post
    I'm sorry I missed this until now! Anyway, the original translator was apparently last seen in 2007, so please go ahead and give me a complete translation.
    Not a problem. Here we go:

    (there are a few minor changes due to some small grammatical oversights on my end and also word choice; they are reflected below)

    The season when the powder snow falls has a different intention;
    We're lost in a sea of people even though we're looking at the same sky.
    Even though the wind blows to the point of freezing.

    I don't know everything about you, right?
    But even so, I found you from within a hundred million people
    Though I have no proof of it, I have felt this very strongly

    It doesn't work to live in the same moment without having even petty arguments
    If we cannot be honest, happiness and sadness are just empty

    If the powder snow would cover down to our hearts in white, hey,
    would we be able to share each other's loneliness?

    I press my ear onto where your heart is
    And I go deep to the place where that voice is
    I want to descend there so we can meet there once more

    We want to understand each other, and yet
    I'm the one who is caressing this surface
    Even though just by taking your cold, numb hand in mine we've connected

    The powder snow before us, hey, in its frailty,
    Will continue to stain the rough asphalt forever

    The powder snow, hey, it sways my heart without relying on time
    But even so, I want to keep protecting you

    If the powder snow would cover down to our hearts in white, hey,
    would we be able to share each other's loneliness?

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    Default Re: Remioromen - Konayuki

    Thank you!

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