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Thread: Amadeus translation

  1. #1
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    Default Amadeus translation

    Hi all, I've been trying to translate Amadeus (the opening theme for the Steins;Gate 0 visual novel). I've missed out the repeated chorus at the end for brevity of the post. There are some bits I don't get and would appreciate checking (identified by brackets in italics much like this after the line):

    あしたの天気も「知らぬままがいい」と傘を持たず
    ashita no tenki mo "shiranu mama ga ii" to kasa wo motazu
    Saying "staying ignorant is best" even about tomorrow's weather, you forego your umbrella
    (Would "ignorance is bliss" be a better idiomatic translation?)

    涙の雨なら 優しすぎる嘘に 書き換えた
    namida no ame nara yasashi sugiru uso ni kakikaeta
    If it turns out to be a rain of tears, then it's been overwritten by an egregiously gentle lie
    (It being tomorrow's weather, I believe, but I can't think of how to say that. Non-literal translation for the 'nara... kakikaeta')


    箱に閉じ込めた 空の断片が
    hako ni tojikometa sora no danpen ga
    The pieces of the sky trapped in the box

    未来のパズルに はまってくれない
    mirai no PAZURU ni hamatte kurenai
    will not fit into the puzzle of the future

    無限回の推論は ノイズ吐き出して
    mugen kai no suiron wa noizu hakidashite
    An uncountable number of deductions spit out noise,
    (The next three lines I've grouped as a sentence, but I'm not sure that the sentence can work just with a te form verb. I don't think it's acting as an order, I think it's meant to be an adverbial clause, but there's no main verb so I just assumed 'hakidashite' was the main verb itself)

    神さえも 欺くロジック
    kami sae mo azumuku ROJIKKU
    a logic that deceives even the gods,

    約束のあの場所へ―――
    yakusoku no ano basho e
    towards that place of promise
    (Again this line is kinda hard to place in the sentence)



    僕らは 宇宙もまだ知らない ゼロのゲート開くよ
    bokura wa uchuu mo mada shiranai ZERO no GEETO hiraku yo
    Even though we still don't understand the universe, we open the gate of zero

    全ては粒となり 再生する
    subete wa tsubu to nari saiseisuru
    Everything is becoming grains and will regenerate back
    [Thanks for Ghdf, this question has been solved and corrections made]

    それなら 途切れそうな意識も つなぎ止めてみせるよ
    sore nara togiresou na ishiki mo tsunagitomete miseru yo
    If so, then I'll show you that I'll even hold together your visibly unstable conciousness
    (I can't think of a decent way to translate togiresouna ishiki so I had to have a less literal translation. Visibly is from the "sou" and unstable is the "togire...na")

    あの時間 あの場所で キミの“時”が もう一度 始まる
    ano jikan, ano basho de, kimi no "toki" ga mou ichido hajimaru
    At that time, that place, your "time" begins one more time



    大事な記憶は 別の理論式で 打ち消される
    daijina kioku wa betsu no rironshiki de uchikesareru
    Precious memories are overwritten by another theoretical formula

    事象の地平も 万物のそれさえ 書き換えた
    jishou no chihei mo banbutsu no sore sae kakikaeta
    Even the event horizon, and its very creation, was overwritten
    (I was unsure how the 'banbutsu no sore sae' fit into the translation on this line. Specifically, "creation's it" or "it of creation" doesn't make any sense to me.)



    箱に閉じこめた 愛の断片は
    hako ni tojikometa ai no danpen wa
    The pieces of love trapped in the box

    近く遠すぎる 次元の最果て
    chikaku tou sugiru jigen no saihate
    Are close, and yet too distant on the far side of the dimension
    (There's some weird juxtaposition going on here with 'chikaku' and 'tou sugiru' being together so I hope I got the meaning)

    改変のプロセスは とても無邪気に
    kaihen no purosesu wa totemo mujaki ni
    The process of alteration, very innocently,

    神さえも 欺くフィクション
    kami sae mo azumuku FIKUSHUN
    is a fiction that decieves even the gods,

    約束のあの場所へ―――
    yakusoku no ano basho e
    proceeding towards that place of promise
    (Had to put in some verb here because there wasn't one originally and it doesn't work without a verb)



    もうすぐ 時計の鐘が響き ゼロのゲート開くよ
    mou sugu tokei no kane ga hibiki ZERO no GEETO hiraku yo
    Soon, the bells of the clock will be ringing, and we will open the gate of zero

    眩しい光に 包まれゆく
    mabushii hikari ni tsutsumareyuku
    We will be enveloped in a bright light
    (I know it's an imperfective verb, but I'm not sure how to put that into the English)

    奇跡を 運命に書き換えて 笑い声が溢れる
    kiseki wo unmei ni kakikaete waraigoe ga afureru
    With miracles overwritten as fates, laughing voices will overflow

    あの時間 あの場所で キミの“時”が もう一度 始まる
    ano jikan, ano basho de, kimi no "toki" ga mou ichido hajimaru
    At that time, that place, your "time" begins one more time
    Last edited by Fuukanou; 01-26-2017 at 10:34 PM.

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    Default Re: Amadeus translation

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuukanou View Post
    あしたの天気も「知らぬままがいい」と傘を持たず
    ashita no tenki mo "shiranu mama ga ii" to kasa wo motazu
    Saying "staying ignorant is best" even about tomorrow's weather, you forego your umbrella
    (Would "ignorance is bliss" be a better idiomatic translation?)
    For me, "ignorance is a bliss" do sound better, but I think both are fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuukanou View Post
    全ては粒となり 再生する
    subete wa tsubu to nari saiseisuru
    Everything becomes grains and regenerates back
    (I've not seen the "to nari" construction before so I had to guess how to translate it)
    As far as i know, "となる" means the same as "になる", just a bit more formal.
    I only found one source though (which is a german-japanese dictionry), so I might be wrong about it.
    ( https://www.wadoku.de/entry/view/10021194 )


    Quote Originally Posted by Fuukanou View Post
    眩しい光に 包まれゆく
    mabushii hikari ni tsutsumareyuku
    We will be enveloped in a bright light
    (I know it's an imperfective verb, but I'm not sure how to put that into the English)
    How about...."our bodies envelope themselves [...] "
    Now, i know that it never says "bodies", but this is the best i could think of.

    I hope that maybe one or two of my ideas might help you

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    Default Re: Amadeus translation

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghdf View Post
    As far as i know, "となる" means the same as "になる", just a bit more formal.
    Thanks, that's good to know. I'll make a mental note for the future.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghdf View Post
    How about...."our bodies envelope themselves [...] "
    Now, i know that it never says "bodies", but this is the best i could think of.
    From what I see, your "envelope" is perfective. That also removes the fact that 包まれゆく is passive. I personally hold it being passive as higher importance than the imperfective nature.
    Pure verb meaning > Tense > Active/Passive > Perfective/Imperfective > Politeness/emphasis in my book.

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    Default Re: Amadeus translation

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuukanou View Post
    From what I see, your "envelope" is perfective. That also removes the fact that 包まれゆく is passive. I personally hold it being passive as higher importance than the imperfective nature.
    Pure verb meaning > Tense > Active/Passive > Perfective/Imperfective > Politeness/emphasis in my book.
    Nevermind, i confused 包む with 包まる^^
    And yeah my grammar brain is pretty much dead right now, i'll look at it again tomorrow.
    Last edited by Ghdf; 01-25-2017 at 05:13 PM.

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