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Thread: [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

  1. #1
    Junior Member wirewyrm is on a distinguished road wirewyrm's Avatar
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    Default [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

    Sleeping soundly, I have a dream
    Of your profile
    Without noticing the overflowing tears
    That are running down my cheeks
    Correction:
    You sleep soundly, dreaming
    As I look at your profile.
    Without me realising, tears overflow
    And roll down my cheeks.

    It'd be wonderful if I could
    Spend morning with you once more
    I just wish even such a small
    Hope can be made a miracle
    Wouldn't it be wonderful, if i could just
    Spend the morning with you once more?
    Even though there is little hope of it
    A miracle i can only dream of.

    Last night, Good night
    Last night, Good night
    When I think that the end
    Will arrive someday
    That's when I hope that the
    Night sky will keep your smile
    Last night, Good night
    Last night, Good night
    Someday, i will join you.
    I think of the end.
    I see in the night sky
    What i hoped for: your evergreen smile.

    Last stanza pending revision. I'm consulting a friend for an even better translation.
    Last edited by wirewyrm; 09-22-2016 at 12:00 PM.

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    Default Re: [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

    Link, please?

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    Default Re: [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

    This is one of my old ones.
    I agree that it needs some revision.
    A lot of my old ones do as I wasn't very expressive back then.

    Though a lot of that is merely personal preference of translation, which will always vary from person to person.

    I'll fix it and PM you the edit, @bluepenguin


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    Junior Member wirewyrm is on a distinguished road wirewyrm's Avatar
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    Default Re: [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

    Checked with a friend. Last stanza translation is fine as it is, please ignore my attempted amendment.

    As for the first stanza, it is actually not a matter of preference; the subject/object implications are pretty clear.

    Thank you for your quick reply.

    @bluepenguin - Link here: http://www.animelyrics.com/doujin/vo...tgoodnight.htm
    Last edited by wirewyrm; 09-22-2016 at 11:59 AM.

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    Default Re: [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

    Thank you.

    I would like to say, however, that saying, directly to the current translator, that you're so sad that people are missing out on the greatness of the song because their translation is so terrible is pretty rude. Having the translations on the site be as accurate as possible is important to me (and to most of us here, I'm sure), but that doesn't give you free license to insult people to their faces because they've made translation mistakes. The idea, when correcting a translation by a translator is still around, is to help them improve, not to make them feel terrible about themselves. Please try to be more tactful in the future.
    Last edited by EJTranslations; 09-22-2016 at 12:08 PM.

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    Junior Member wirewyrm is on a distinguished road wirewyrm's Avatar
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    Default Re: [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

    My apologies, i meant no offense. I amended my post to something less inflammatory. I didn't mean that the original translation was terrible, just that part of it was not accurate in reflecting the imagery originally intended in the song.

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    Default Re: [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

    I appreciate it. And I do appreciate your efforts to ensure that the lyrics on the site are as accurate as possible, I just hope that in the future you will stick to factual corrections and discussions of style. Especially when the original translator has already agreed to make changes and doesn't need to be convinced of the importance of the correction, it just comes off as browbeating to start talking about how many people might have been misled by the original incorrect translation or anything like that.

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    Default Re: [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

    @wirewyrm

    I did say MOST of that is personal preference. Not all.
    I know that I done-goofed, and I probably have others like it as well because I was on some days a particularly lazy translator and would do a rush read. That, and my mind easily becomes muddled due to irl stresses.

    The point is that I am WELL AWARE of faults in my older translation works and I would LOVE to get around to fixing them all, but it will take time because I live a busy life.
    I did pass this lyrics test seven-odd years ago. I know what I am doing, and I easily acknowledge my faults. EVERYONE makes an error at some point in their work.
    You yourself, as well. It took me a while to figure out where you were coming from with "evergreen smile" until I realised that you were assuming that it comes from "常磐木". That's not even what this "tokiwa" means in Japanese, though..

    In the end, there really isn't a need to say any more than "I disagree with these parts for this reason; original translator, would you please amend your work."
    Like bluepenguin said - there really wasn't any further need for discussion because I acted and noted the issues. That should have been the end of it.

    This being your first thread, it is really feeling like you merely created an account to rant about that muddle. What more were you looking for other than for it to be adjusted??
    Be a little considerate and keep the request simple next time, please.
    Last edited by Hikarin; 09-23-2016 at 01:38 AM.


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    Junior Member wirewyrm is on a distinguished road wirewyrm's Avatar
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    Default Re: [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

    I can't see you as the type of person who'd enjoy beating a dead horse, so i think maybe you're just too busy to read my earlier replies in full, so i've reproduced the salient points for you here.

    My apologies, i meant no offense.
    Last stanza translation is fine as it is, please ignore my attempted amendment.
    You're right that i have no idea how things work around here. I just saw you getting a tad defensive about your work, and that's why i thought that you weren't going to do anything about it. Please pardon my ignorance.

    A token of my sincerity: the best version (aurally) of Last Night, Good Night that i've seen on youtube. Enjoy, have a great weekend, and good night.


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    Default Re: [Correction] Last Night, Good Night

    New translation is up now, so I'll be closing this thread.

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